Light in the Dark: Part 1 Following Your Heart
by Dontsaveme
Summary: Emma has risked her own life to let Regina have her happy ending and is now believed to be the Dark One. Regina is torn between trying to save Emma and having her happy ending with Robin. Will she be able to follow her heart wherever it may lead? Slow-burn eventual Swan Queen
1. Chapter 1

Hello Everyone – this picks up right where season 4 left off. Emma has just become the new Dark One and now it's up to Regina and gang to figure out how to save her. This is most definitely a SwanQueen fic. Enjoy!

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The dark one is no longer Rumple.

Thank goodness for that, but at what cost?

Our own Savior in all of her stupidity had instead taken it upon herself to be … well, the savior yet again and save me.

I am eternally grateful of the fact, but as I saw her explaining to her parents that I didn't deserve it, that I had been through too much already something stirred inside me.

No one in my life had been so self-sacrificing.

Not even my soul mate.

As I stood there with the swirling blackness all around me I almost found it fitting that it would end that way. This would be my ending.

Finally having the family I wanted, even if it was entirely different from anything I had ever imagined. I had Henry, and with him came Emma, and the Charmings. Then Zelena who was pregnant with my soul mates child, and then of course there was little Roland.

Not the most functional group, but I had learned to accept them, all except for Zelena, whom I hadn't decided on yet.

I was accepted in this small town, I could walk down the streets and not be glared at, or shied away from.

Especially tonight, while walking hand in hand with my love.

It was the happiest I had been since Daniel.

Dammit I had accepted it in those few seconds which seemed to stretch for agonizing minutes instead.

Accepted that it was my time to go. And just pray that I wasn't too destructive as the dark one. I was even plotting ways to kill myself as the dark one eventhough I had heard it wouldn't work. Rumple had mentioned that before.

I knew Henry would be taken care of. Emma would protect him with everything she had.

And who knows, maybe even Robin would be ok eventually. Maybe being a mother would change Zelena and they could even be happy together.

Maybe even maybe they could save me.

Emma's light magic had surprised us before, and I know she would have done anything in her power to try and get Henry's other mother back to him.

Why I knew she would fight so hard was something I didn't think about. I just knew she would. Till the bitter end.

Now though as I stand in the haze and aftermath of what just happened I'm only left with my brain running on overdrive. Not able to fathom or even comprehend where we go from this point. Not able to speak or move. Thinking of ways to get her back, thinking of why I was so ready to just give up and give in.

That's when it hits me.

I have to tell Henry.

What can I say? Will he blame me? Can we survive this?

Had I subconsciously already thought of this?

Is that why I was so willing to be taken, so resolved to be the next dark one?

It shouldn't have been her. It should have been me. I have no doubt she would have brought me back.

Now it's all up to me. I have to save Emma before it's too late and I have no clue where to start.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything feels different. I am back in the mayor's office, my office and things just don't feel right.

I haven't worn this grey dress in ages, and I don't really know what I was doing sitting here up until this moment.

I must be helping Snow again with her city planning again. How mundane.

But this all just feels like a waste of time right now. We have more important things to worry about.

We need to start another kind of planning. We must take action soon.

We don't even know where Emma is right now. What realm she's in. Is she here in Storybrooke? Has anyone seen her?

I have to figure out what to say to poor Henry. On second thought, why haven't I seen him yet?

He's grown so much through all of this and I just wish he was able to stay young and innocent a little longer.

The real world came crashing down on him at such a young age. It's my fault and I see that now, but how I wish he was still that little boy who looked up to me as though I was his hero.

Atleast he had some normalcy for that one year he spent with Emma in New York. He'd grown so much when I saw him again for the first time. That first day in the diner when he didn't recognize me.

Emma helped me hold it together then, and I will help her now.

But that doesn't explain what I'm doing here.

It felt like deja vu when I heard the start of a motor outside my window.

Quickly jumping out of my chair I look out the window to see none other than Ms. Swan. Emma was just about to hack off a branch of my beloved tree.

My mind racing a mile a minute I didn't even think about it as I made myself reappear in front of her.

I was torn between hugging her (something we had never really done) and screaming at her.

It was weird to feel so conflicted, almost as though I forgot what I was thinking.

As soon as I appeared she looked startled to see me and immediately dropped saw.

"Where the hell did you come from?"

"Emma! What are you doing? Is this some kind of joke?"

It was both said at the same time and neither knew what was happening at that moment.

"First off what the fuck just happened?"

Regina looks Emma up and down and around at the entire scene. "I am trying to figure that out as well, dear. If you could tell me what you are doing here it would be a good start. Are you okay? What happened after you disappeared from the middle of the street?" So many questions were running through my mind that I couldn't get them out fast enough.

"I came here to show you that I am not backing down. Two can play this game Regina, and I thought I'd start with this tree of yours. You have no idea what I'm capable of." Emma was breathing so heavy now that her chest was rising and falling with each breath. She hadn't looked at me with such disdain in such a long time that it made me take a step back.

Regina knew she had heard that last line before. It was way back when Emma had just some to town, and come to think of it. She remembers feeling the anger and fear come back to her as she stared out her window and saw Emma with that chainsaw. What was going on today? It was like she was stuck in the Twilight Zone. Had there been some sort of time warp overnight? She felt torn between how she had felt the first time it actually took place and now, her feelings wreaking havoc.

Emma just stood there glaring at her, and Regina had to admit that it was just good to see her again. She slightly smirked at just the memory of how this had happened the first time around. How she felt so invigorated to have someone push back. After all that time in Storybrooke where the days blended together, it wasn't until the savior showed up that things really became interesting.

Emma must have seen the slight smirk because she came at me then, close to my face and threatened, "I'm serious lady, you have no idea you are getting yourself into." She had a smirk of her own, but it was for entirely different reasons.

"I think we need to head inside before someone sees you, and figure out what is going on. This is not a time to reenact things that have already happened. I hardly think it funny or appropria…"

Emma held up her hand to stop Regina from finishing, "I'm not going anywhere with you, and I don't know what you are talking about 'reenacting' but I just came here to warn you."

"You really don't remember? Emma, we have been here before, done this before. Time is of the essence right now and we need to get you somewhere safe until we figure out what is happening. If not for me, then for Henry, please." Emma must have taken the pleading tone seriously because she followed Regina into her office.

Ten minutes later and neither of them had said a thing. Regina sitting calmly and Emma standing awkwardly near the window.

Emma finally threw her hand up in frustration and started to walk out when Regina spoke up. "It seems like we are stuck in another time. That's all that would make sense. I can tell by the way you are looking at me that you have no idea what has happened. And so much has changed."

"I just wanted to return your son to you. That's why I came here, and ever since the moment I met you all you have done is manipulate and lie." She looked Regina dead in the eye as she said these things, and it made Regina so uncomfortable she had to look away. She wasn't proud of the woman she used to be.

"It was you who made all of these things happen. I don't fully understand how but you are behind it all, I know you are and now I'm concerned for Henry's well-being." As Emma was saying these things it donned on Regina that she was right. What if she hadn't pushed so hard? It all had to happen as prophesied and played out how Rumple wanted it to, but what if it could have happened differently.

"You are right Emma, about all of it. I was scared you were going to take my son away. But that is all behind us now. I just don't understand what we are doing here again. It doesn't make sense. What does it all mean?" Her sincerity surprised Emma and made her a little sympathetic.

Sitting across Regina, Emma slowly looked up at her, and in her eyes she saw understanding and a curiosity that she never noticed before. Regina couldn't believe that that this Emma was actually listening to her.

As Regina mulled it over in her head Emma spoke up. "I can honestly say that I don't know what you are talking about, but I can see that you believe whatever it is you are telling me. I can always tell when people are telling the truth. I will help for Henry's sake, but you just have to continue to be straight with me."

And it finally felt like the beginning they were supposed to have, as Regina smiled and said, "I do believe we have a deal, Ms. Swan."


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing I feel as I stir awake is someone's hand in mine.

I think back to the last thing I remember and it's the deal I made with Emma. Suddenly relief floods through me at the idea of her not being lost to the darkness. She's ok, we are all okay and we will figure out just what is happening. The time warp is something we will deal with. Maybe I can even speak to Rumple about it. Of course I won't tell him everything that transpired, just try and get more information about it.

I hear mummers around me and it sounds like Henry is speaking to someone, and as I open my I cannot believe what I am seeing. Henry is sitting next to me on my bed, and he is grown. Not the little boy he was when Emma came to town. I look towards the door to who he's speaking to and see Robin standing there as well. He gives me a warm smile as he makes his way to the other side of the bed and takes my hand, kissing it.

"You gave us all a scare, love." He speaks with such a hushed tone, as Henry nods.

None of it makes any sense to me. Was it just a dream? Did I pass out? I look towards Henry again, "your mother, I tried to tell her…" he just squeezes my hand.

"Yeah I know what happened. Gram and Gramps told me." He looks down; suddenly just like the lost little boy he was so many years ago. "Mom what are we going to do? She can't be the dark one. She has light magic, how is it even possible? It's just a mistake, maybe her light magic teleported her to somewhere safe and we just have to find her…" I pull him down to me then, and feel his tears start to soak through my shirt.

I swallow the bile rising in my throat. I have to be strong for Henry right now. I think back to what I now believe was a dream. What did it mean? I had never dreamt of Emma before this, and now suddenly it happened and it just felt too real. It didn't feel hazy at all like dreams usually do.

I look up to see Robin looking down at us, mother and son. I could tell he wanted to join in with us but didn't want to overstep. He had just gotten back to town, and we were finally going to get our happy ending. But I should have known that it was too easy. Even with Zelena locked up, and having to climb that hurdle, I knew it was still too good to be true. And as I stroked Henry's hair I realized that he would never be happy or okay again if he didn't find his birthmother. I had to make him my priority.

I slowly pull Henry and I into a sitting position as I wipe the tears from his cheeks. Looking him in the eyes one more time made my heart break to see him so defeated and lost. "It's going to be ok my sweet Henry. We will find your mother and we will make things right. I don't want you to worry. In fact I think it would be best for you to go downstairs and try to relax for a bit. Maybe take your mind off of all of this."

It's only when I know he is out of earshot that I look to Robin.

I can tell he hasn't slept or even changed since last night.

"What are they doing about Emma? What happened to me? The last thing I remember was standing in the middle of the street. Is Rumple still alive?" I search his eyes as he begins to embrace me. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"You passed out after Emma disappeared so Snow and David went to get Henry and explained what happened. He wanted to see you immediately so they brought him here. It is not yet morning. You were only out a few hours, although you have been whispering in your sleep." He pulls back looking into my eyes, "what were you dreaming? You seemed to be upset, then at ease?"

"I don't remember." I looked away. There was no point in sharing such things, it's not as though it made any difference now.

"Snow has reached out to Belle for help in researching what can be done. David is at the station and they have decided not to tell anyone else. They believe the residents would be unruly if they found out their beloved savior was a danger to them. I don't know Rumples condition."

Something about the way he said _savior_ didn't sit right with me.

Now that I think about it, he didn't seem to be too concerned about what happened to her. He was more concerned about me, but not the bigger picture. Then he was holding me in his arms again and for the first time I felt a little suffocated. I pushed it to the back of my mind and I leaned closer to him. I knew he would always keep me safe, but what about Henry and Emma? Had he not realized that Emma had sacrificed herself for me, for us?

"You don't know what we have been though since you left with who you presumed to be Marian. What I've been through." There was a bitterness to my voice that I couldn't veil in time. He looked shocked and hurt as I continued. "We may not always see eye to eye but she is very much the savior they speak of. Only she is human, and makes mistakes like all of us. Robin I have to say I agree with Snow, if the people find out I don't know what will happen." I then stepped away from him and walked towards my restroom.

"I meant no harm my dear; I just am worried for you, and want us to be able to finally be happy together. You, me, Henry and Roland can be a family. Let the Charmings worry about the savior, their family, as I will worry for mine." His smile reached his eyes and I knew that he was being sincere with me. My heart melted at him calling us a family. It's all I had ever wanted.

"I know you mean no harm. I am just exhausted and need time to freshen up and I'll be down soon." With that I smiled and closed my in-suite bathroom door.

After soaking in the bath for a short while I came out to find Robin already in bed and asleep. He had mentioned that it was not yet morning and when I glanced at the clock I realized that it was just after 3AM.

Checking down the hall I saw that Henry was also in his room asleep.

I then prepared myself for bed. We needed to be well rested in order to think clearly later in the day.

As I got in bed, Robin immediately molded his body to the back of mine. His warmth surrounding me was helping to slowly lull me back to sleep.

I love how even in a deep sleep he reached out for me and pulled me closer.

As I started to nod off I thought back on the day. It had started so differently from how it ended. Maybe Robin was right, maybe this was finally my chance at a happy ending; our chance at a happy ending. Maybe Emma giving herself up was what was meant to happen. After all I had lived in turmoil for so many more years than she had. Maybe I could just accept it as a gift and be happy. I pushed back the nagging feeling in the back of my mind as I drifted off to sleep for the second time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: First I'd like to thank everyone who has taken a chance on this story and all of the feedback, I really appreciate it.**

 **This is most definitely a Swan Queen story but I will be exploring things from Regina's POV which will include scenes with Robin. This story is already morphing into something different from what I had initially outlined, but I hope you will all enjoy it and stay along for the ride with me. The timeline will jump back and forth a bit, but hopefully it will start to make more sense as the story progresses.**

 **Also, the description of the story has slightly changed as the story's direction has changed.**

…

When I open my eyes I see that I'm back in my office again.

I can tell immediately that I'm in the past when I run my hands through my hair and feel how short it is. It hasn't been this short in so long.

I tap my fingers on my desk as I try to remember what was happening before this. I know I went to bed with Robin, and now I'm here again. The strange part of it all is that I can recall everything.

I don't like this. Not one bit. Especially since I have never really remembered my dreams.

If I'm honest, I have always remembered my nightmares but never my dreams. I guess they all shattered when Daniel died.

Too many nights were spent waking up with sweat covering my entire body. Then lying awake for hours after, unable to fall back to sleep.

When Henry got older I was afraid he would hear me as I screamed out loud in my sleep. But he never once mentioned it.

Back to my point, I do not like this one bit. I do not understand why I keep coming back here. And what am I to do until it's time for me to wake up? It is not as though I can awaken myself whilst in a deep sleep.

Maybe I will go try to find Henry and speak to him. Yes, that's what I'll do.

As I gather my purse and jacket I remember that during this time Henry was not my biggest fan. If I'm correct then Ms. Swan is here somewhere with him and they are conspiring against me.

Maybe I can still go and speak to him. How I miss him at this age. He was just so cute, ofcourse only when he wasn't accusing me of horrible things.

Horrible things that were actually true.

Oh my poor boy, how I wish I could have told him then that he was right. I was the Evil queen, but I still loved him, even as the Evil Queen I would have never hurt him. He changed me.

Sitting down on one of the more comfortable chairs in my office I begin to think back to who I was before and after Henry was put in my life.

I was so sure that the curse would make me happy, but it wasn't until the day I held him in my arms that I felt true happiness again.

That all shattered when Ms. Swan drove into town, and into my life.

But now look at how far we had all come.

Even Snow was a part of my life again, and I never thought that would happen.

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't resisted for so long? Would we have had to suffer as much? Would Robin and I had been able to start our own family, instead of him and Zelena? Would Henry and Emma had never left for that year? Would Henry's father still be alive?

I never cared for Neal but he was Henry's father and Henry loved him. Maybe he and Emma could have been a family. Then Henry would have had two families and all the more love in his life.

The thought of sharing Henry with anyone else had always scared me, he was mine. But the closer I held him to me the more he pushed. I could see that now.

Suddenly I see a hand waving in front of my face.

"Uhh Regina, can you hear me? You asked me to come because you wanted to speak to me?"

I look up to see Emma standing in front of me. I blink a few times, "excuse me?"

She takes a few steps back having been pretty close to where I was sitting.

"On the phone earlier, you asked me if I could meet you in your office." She looks at me again with questioning eyes.

"Oh right, yes, if you will just take a seat. Thank you for coming." I try to remember why I would have asked her here. I glance at the clock and it's nearly 5PM. I try to look around at something to tell me what day it is, but I am not at my desk.

I look up and see her sitting there, trying to put on a confident facade but I can tell she is nervous because her foot is slightly fidgeting.

I find it interesting how I can read her now. I have learned her little tells, even though I never realized it until now that I have always observed her very closely. How she tries to exude her tough stature but I can tell now by just observing her that she is most definitely nervous and a little angry. Only I don't fully understand why.

"So, is this about the tree and time warp thing again? Because I told you that I would listen to you if you wanted to talk but then you had my tire booted. I just don't get you." She looks up at me and I can see the anger rising more.

Tire booted? Oh yes, I remember I was still trying to get her to leave at that point. That means Henry is also on his way here and I've set her up again. I smile again at how clever I was before I remember that it only brought her and Henry closer and further alienated me from my son in the process.

Frowning now, I finally speak up, "no… yes... I did have your tire booted but that was a… mistake. I asked you here to apologize to you." I look up as she seems to consider what I've just said.

"I just don't get you. Are you sure you are not the one who needs to see a shrink. I thought about what you said earlier and I think that maybe Henry needs a more stable environment. He seems like a smart kid, although highly imaginative, I am just worried about him. I know you seem to control everyone else in town, but I can see that there's something weird going on here." Emma is getting more and more confident as she speaks, and I cannot simply tell her the truth so I just stay quiet.

It was hard to have her say that to me without lashing out. I know I would have lashed out before if she had said such things to me, but I am a different person now. It's almost as though my old instincts are still there and I have to control them.

"Ms. Swan …" I get cut off by Henry as he enters the room.

"Mom what are you doing here?" I look up to answer Henry to see that he isn't looking at me, but at his birthmother instead. That stab of jealousy hits me in the chest. Before I can stop myself I speak up.

"Henry I'm your mother…" I stop there when I realize I was about to yell at him. I never realized just how much I yelled at him during this time. It's like I was that person again. It is what made him run further away from me.

"Ms. Swan was just here to discuss some things with me. And I have asked her if she wanted to join us for food before you go to your therapy session." As I finish my sentence they both look up at me with matching faces of shock. It would almost be cute if not for the tense atmosphere in the room.

"Uhhh that's right kid, so… I'm gonna join you both at Granny's for a quick bite." She says obviously confused at what just happened.

Henry, being too young or distracted to understand that we were both lying didn't notice any awkwardness as he grins and grabs Emma's hand, shouting over his shoulder. "Okay then we'll meet you there…" as they exit my office.

….

I can only imagine what Henry and Emma must be talking about on their way to the Diner.

While waiting for them I try to think again as to why I am here. This hardly feels like a dream, but what else can it be?

There must be a reason why I am stuck here, and I obviously remember everything that transpired the first time. Things are different between Emma and I from the first time.

Maybe at least while I am here I can try to make things right with me and Henry. How can I tell him he is right? Should I tell him? I cannot go through the same things that happened the first time around.

It was too agonizing the first time, especially when Henry ate the apple turnover….

I cannot even finish my thought without grimacing. To think what could have happened to my precious boy.

No, I will not relive that again.

I will not make the same mistakes with my son.

I missed so much of his life because I was too consumed in my need for control, power and worst of all revenge. I know it's still in me, that need, that darkness, but Henry is more important. Our happiness is more important.

I have certainly learned that the hard way.

"What can I get you, Madam Mayor?" I look up to see Ms. Lucas staring at me. I can feel her dislike for me in such an easy question. How did I not feel it before? Not care before?

"Actually, I am waiting for Henry and Ms. Swan, thank you." I smile and she looks surprised in both my answer and the fact that I smiled at her. As she's turning to walk away I see Henry and Emma approach my booth.

"So, _mom_ why did you really ask Emma to join us? I was thinking about it on the way here and it doesn't make sense. You hate her. What are you plotting?" he says it so casually, actually smiling like he has it all figured out. Does he even know how he hurts me?

"Kid, I don't think that's the right way to start a conversation. I think you should apologize first of all, and maybe lay off a little." Emma is giving him a look, and he seems to atleast want to appease her so he mumbles a low "sorry" while looking down.

Things get tense again from there.

Is it so hard to have a civil conversation?

"Hey guys, what can I get ya?" Thank goodness Ms. Lucas chooses that moment to take our orders.

After our orders are taken, it's back to the awkwardness.

As Emma pulls out her phone Henry pulls out his comic book and they are both just sitting there not at all engaging and acknowledging me.

Finally I speak up.

"I do not." I start to say as they both lookup.

"I do not hate you Ms. Swan. I know Henry said it earlier but it is not true. I… we may not see eye to eye, and I may not fully understand what you are doing here in this town, but I do not hate you." I finally finish and look out the window to avoid both of their penetrating stares.

Outside the window I see Mr. Gold crossing the street and speaking to Dr. Hopper. I consider again if I should speak to him about what is happening.

As our food is set on the table a word still hasn't been spoken.

I look back to the two other occupants in the booth and notice that they have not only ordered the same grease filled monstrosity but are eating as though the food will disappear at any minute. I can't help the slight chuckle that escapes my throat.

That makes them look at me again as Henry finally speaks up and says "are you feeling okay?" his eyebrows scrunched together and he has ketchup on his upper lip. It only makes me smile wider and chuckle a little harder.

Then Emma looks at Henry and also chuckles, which prompts Henry to say, "What's so funny?"

He has such a serious look that Emma and I both just start to laugh uncontrollably.

Looking towards her I see that she has tears in her eyes, and I'm sure it mirrors my own look.

She's staring at me with mirth in her eyes and I realize that we have never done this before. The three of us just enjoying a meal together. Sure it started out awkward, but now I'm feeling much more at ease.

Henry is still looking at us as I grab my napkin and reach forward gently wiping the ketchup off of hip face, then I gently rub the space on his forehead between his eyes, "Henry stop frowning, you will give yourself premature wrinkles."

He then looks from me back to Emma again and shrugs his shoulders. Once he finishes his food he excuses himself to the restroom.

"Thank you for inviting me. I've never really been included in something like this." Emma finally speaks up looking at me. She looks a bit conflicted but I appreciate her effort. I know she didn't have a real family growing up, but I keep it to myself.

I look away as soon as we make eye contact. I look down almost coy as I reply. "Thank you for playing along in my office. You didn't have to, and you certainly didn't have to join us."

"Well I am willing to try and get along as long as you are. I plan to stay here for a while, for Henry's sake and it would be a whole lot easier if we weren't fighting the entire time."

I nod my head agreeing with her. I knew she didn't know how to say that Henry was the only family she had. She didn't know that I knew a lot more about her then she thought. I certainly didn't know how long I would be stuck here, so I might as well make it more bearable for the both of us.

This side of Emma was much more enjoyable than the one I had fought so much with last time.

"I believe we can work something out Ms. Swan, for Henry's sake of course." As I said it she smiled almost as if to herself and then looked at me. I don't think I had ever seen her smile at me that way before and I have to admit it was a bit disarming.

"Why don't you join us at my house next time? I know Henry would love your company, and perhaps we can discuss some things afterwards. Maybe even about the concerns you expressed to me in my office?" I say as I stand, seeing Henry heading towards us I remember he has his therapy appointment.

Emma looks speechless for a moment before she gives a small smile, "I'd like that."

"Perfect." I say turning back to Henry, "Henry lets go, we mustn't be late."

As we are making our way to the door Emma steps ahead of us to hold the door. And as I walk through I hear her say, "Until then…"

I don't know if she meant it as a whisper, but as I turn to her I don't realize how close we are until I'm staring directly into beautiful green eyes shining with hope and a shy smile.

Feeling thrown off balance at the close contact I push myself out the door and throw a quick "Yes, until then Ms. Swan." Over my shoulder before joining Henry across the street.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When I awaken it's to an empty and cold bed.

I lie there for several minutes just thinking about everything that has taken place.

I must admit it is a bit disorienting because I am still in the same bed but I fear I don't know what time frame I am in.

I look around to try and get some kind of indication, and that's when I catch myself in the mirror and see my long hair. I guess this will be the way for me to tell the difference at least for now. I get up and look a little closer at myself. I don't feel very tired, but I do look it.

Maybe that life sucking creature last night took more out of me then I thought.

I think back to last night. I could feel it draining me as the darkness swirled around me. I remember seeing the frightened looks on their faces as I stood trapped. Charming and Snow clinging to each other, and Hook standing near them. I remember their looks of sadness that I had been swept up, but also a bit of relief that it wasn't them.

Could I really blame them?

Then I think back to how Emma and Robin were looking at me. Their faces were twisted in a different kind of look. A matching look of turmoil, anger and fear. Now that I think about it, their faces were mirror images of each other.

I remember Robin trying to jump in to save me, but I knew that wouldn't work as he flew back. No matter how hard he tried to be strong for me, I knew he wouldn't be able to save me against this; against such strong magic.

I think about Emma then. I remember how her face changed from anger and fear to determination. She had made up her mind and the stubborn blond would not back down. I try to tell her no, and I remember seeing real fear flash in her families's eyes, and Hook trying to stop her. But it was too late.

She yells something to her parents and Hook and then I see her hold up the dagger, after that it's all a blur.

I feel slightly off balance so I make my way back to the bed and lie down.

I know I should be doing something right now. Something more productive then just lying here, but I don't even know where to start.

I wonder where Robin and Henry are, as it is never this quiet in the house.

I reach for my phone on the nightstand and see 2 missed calls, both from Snow.

I call Henry before I do anything else.

"Hi mom, how are you feeling." I can hear people in the background when he answers his phone.

"Hi dear, I am feeling… alright. Where are you? Do you know where Robin has gone?" I feel silly having to ask my son, but I didn't see any notes left from Robin.

"I am at grams right now; Robin dropped me off on his way to pick up Roland. Grams said she called you earlier, but I told her you were resting. She wanted to update you on what they found out." As Henry speaks I can't help but think about how grown he sounds. Seeing him in my dreams as a little boy just reminds me of how much older he is now. "Did you want to speak to her?" his question snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, thank you dear. And please be safe." I say good bye to him and wait to get the update from snow.

"Hi Regina, we just don't know what happened. Belle and I have been doing research since last night but there just isn't much information on it all. I mean, Rumple was the dark one for so long that he predates anything that we have. How could this happen? Hook and Charming are out searching for her thinking maybe she is here somewhere. Do you really think she is evil now? Will we have to hurt my girl…?" I have to cut off her rambling just then as it was starting to hurt my head and she hit a nerve by calling Emma evil.

"Snow slow down. Just take a few deep breaths... And do not call you daughter evil, you know how that word can catch on…" I leave it at that because I know that will make her shut up for at least a few seconds.

Although I am mostly passed our past, there are some things I can never forgive, and one of them is her giving me the name The Evil Queen. It will always be a sore spot for us and she knows that.

I hear her breathing heavily "I am sorry Regina, I haven't slept all night and I'm already on my 4th cup of coffee. I just feel like I need to be doing something." I hear Henry in the background trying to comfort her.

"I know we are all worried about Emma, but perhaps the best thing we can do right now is take care of ourselves so we will have the energy when we figure out what to do. Plus Henry is already very upset and the last thing he needs is to hear you talk about these things in such a way. I don't ever want to hear you refer to either of his mothers' as evil again. I have to go now, goodbye." By the time I put my phone back I am out of breath.

Why am I so worked up? It feels like my chest is burning. I reach for the glass of water on my nightstand and empty it in one long drink.

Robin must have left it there for me, he is always thinking of my well being. I remember that I haven't spoke to him and reach for my phone again.

"Hello dear, are you well?" his voice holds so much love, and I can tell he is smiling. I smile for a moment, and then frown. How can he sound so carefree? After all that has happened.

"I actually do not feel very well at all. I just don't know what is wrong with me. Where are you?" I feel as though this is taking so much out of me.

"Oh I am so sorry my love. I didn't want to wake you earlier as you were in such a deep sleep. Why are you still not well?" I can hear the concern in his voice as I hear someone laugh in the background.

"Is that Roland? Where are you both?" I can't help but be a little jealous that they are out and enjoying their day while I am here in bed.

There is a slight hesitation before he answers, "I came to get Roland and he… well please don't be upset, but he wanted to see Zelena."

I drop the phone and miss anything else he has said. How could he? I know that Roland is confused right now because he thinks Zelena is his mother and we still need to sit and speak with him, but I cannot believe he would go and see her. I try to calm myself down before I pick up the phone again.

He is still going on about how he knows that it's not right but Roland was insistent, and he wanted to see how they were treating her, wanted to make sure she was properly cared for.

I have to put the phone down again to keep from screaming out loud. I cannot believe why I keep allowing myself to be fooled by these ideas in my head. I am just lying to myself in the end.

When will I be someone else's number one choice? When will I be a first priority? Have I not proven myself? What hurts more was knowing that he loves me so deeply but he still cared for her. He was a good man and I was blind to think we could just pretend she didn't exist until the baby was born. How could I be so foolish as to think that it would all work out? Suddenly I am just so tired again.

The throb in my head intensifies as I finally speak up, "Its fine Robin, I just have to go now. We will speak about it later when you are done playing happy family." As I hang up I know it was wrong of me to say. But I cannot find it in me to care.

I cannot help but feel bitter about her still getting more than she deserves. Will I ever be able to escape the people who take such pleasure in hurting me? I know that she does not even care for Robin. It's all a sick game to her, and she has him eating out of the palm of her hands. If I were to tell her tomorrow that she could have Robin, then I am sure she would lose interest in him immediately. Or maybe not, perhaps she has developed some genuine feeling for him. I can certainly see anyone falling head over heels for him.

I think back to the way she smiled as she told me she was having his child. The way her eyes twinkled with so much happiness as my heart was literally crumpling in my chest.

Even in her death it seems that mother is able to completely ruin my life. It was not as though I decided to give up Zelena. I didn't even know of her existence yet she believes this to be my fault. I would have liked to have a sister growing up. Just to have someone to confide in, some to understand me and we together could have found a way out perhaps. Maybe mother wouldn't have been so horrible to me if there were two of us.

I know it's useless to think about now, but it seems that mother will always have a way to remind me that she will always be there. There to ruin any hope of happiness. Ruin any hope at all.

Unable to control the sob that rips through me, I finally let the dam break. I realize now that I was just being foolish all along. How could we keep that child from its own birth-mother? How could I think that Robin would be able to turn his back on the woman who carried his child? It is no different than Marian. Yes they were in love when they had Roland, but he still chose her over me when he walked across the town line.

I tried to keep Henry from his birth-mother and look how that turned out. Although, Emma is nothing like Zelena.

I do not know how much time has passed. I haven't wept like this in a very long time, not after we saved Henry from Pan, not after Robin left me for Marian, I don't think I have let it out since the day mother died.

It seems to go on forever, all burdens and sorrows reached a boiling point and I could no longer contain myself.

Then my I slowly start to laugh at the thought of Emma sacrificing herself for my happiness. I guess we were both so foolish, her giving up her happiness and me believing I could have it. Oh how painfully ironic that I would realize all of this now.

She, in her attempt to always save those around her has sacrificed herself for me. I'm sure she didn't even consider if or how we would be able to save her. How could someone be so careless with their own life? What about Henry, had she not thought of what this would do to him?

The only solace I would find in giving myself up would be to know that he was safe, so maybe she knew I would always keep him safe. And yes of course I would, but how could she do it?

Knowing we are both lost in the end is the last thought that crosses my mind.


	6. Chapter 6A

Chapter 6

I am looking in the mirror and applying makeup when I come to.

It is still discombobulating how I am just thrust into these dreams.

But then I guess that is how dreams work. All of a sudden you are just somewhere and usually have no sense of how you got to be there. At laest that is how I remember dreams to be.

That is certainly how the nightmares happen. Most of which involve people who I have executed who are coming after me, or even worse, the nights I spent with Snows father. Those nightmares always felt so real. They were almost as real as the dreams of my mother and me when I was a child.

I hear a knock on my door, and turn towards it.

I see Henry peak in, "Can I go play outside until Emma gets here?"

He has the little helicopter toy I gave him last year for Christmas. I told him he couldn't use it in the house after he broke two of my vases.

I guess this is the evening Emma will be coming over for dinner, I bet Henry just wants to show it off to her when she arrives. Perhaps even convince her to play with him for a bit.

"Yes that's fine, dear, just make sure not to go out on the street." I turn back and focus on applying my makeup.

Once I finish I look out the window to see that Henry is alright before I make my way downstairs.

I really do not feel up to entertaining tonight, even if none of this is real. It still feels real and I still have to carry out all tasks as such.

I look down to see that I am wearing one of my more uncomfortable pair of shoes with a blue dress. I groan internally at the thought of having to keep up appearances. Then it hits me, I really do not. It's not as though anyone will ever remember this.

Once upstairs again I go down to a drawer that I don't often frequent. I grab an old pair of jeans I used to wear when Henry and I used to spend our weekend playing around the house. I throw on a silk button up shirt, and add some comfortable flats.

I wonder if Robin would like me dressed like this. It's far more casual than I am used to dressing in front of people, but if we are to be together then I suppose I should start being a little more comfortable around him.

I have always dressed to enhance my power and that didn't change once we were in Storybrooke. My power suits and outfits have always helped me to get what I need, whether it is attention, or respect. My mother raised me to stand straight and always be as regal as a queen. Never a hair out of place, and clothing always finely fitted to accentuate my curves. She was the master of manipulation, and I was her greatest accomplishment.

I decide there and then that I am just tired of keeping up all of the facades.

How long have I just done what others have expected of me? Even when I thought I was in complete control, I was just a puppet on Rumples strings.

I head downstairs again, and check on the food and decide to just sit and wait for everything else to fall in place. Soon Ms. Swan - Emma will be here and we can get this over with.

The realization I had about Robin and Zelena still lingering on my mind as I decide to have a glass of wine while I wait. How could I have been so rash again? I don't know what I am going to tell Robin when I see him. How do we move forward when there are so many obstacles, obstacles that will not go away anytime soon, if ever.

And what of Henry? Will he ever have a normal life? He should be worried about school, and having crushes on girls, not about which of his mothers' he will lose that week. This is not the life I wanted for him, for us. He is so bright and loving and he deserves to enjoy what is left of his childhood. Maybe once this is all over we can take him somewhere, give him a little vacation. Being Mayor for 28 years definitely had its benefits, and I have enough money to last me many lifetimes.

But who am I kidding really? Who knows when this will be over? Will it ever really be over? Even if we rescue Emma somehow, what else will be unleashed as a consequence? Who will the next dark one be?

I hear them walk into the kitchen before I see them. As the door opens I see Emma walking alongside Henry laughing at something he has said. They both look to me.

"Can Emma and I please go out and play for a little while before dinner?" his big toothy grin is quite infections and before I even know it I've already replied, "Ofcourse dear."

Smiling, I turn to Emma who is looking at me, but not at my face. Rather she is slowly making her way up to my eyes. "Hello Regina." She nods slightly having obviously been caught looking, "we will just be out front."

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I sit again. Well that was certainly something different. I was not used to this more timid version of Emma, and I definitely was not prepared to have her look at me that way. What was happening?

It must be the wine.

….

30 minutes later and I feel I have given them enough time together outside.

I have set the table, and put the food in the oven to stay warm; riple checked that everything was in its right place, and switched from wine to water just in case anything else strange happens.

I wonder to myself how I can be getting any real sleep if my mind is constantly working, while awake and apparently while asleep. Perhaps that's why I had looked so tired in my bedroom. When I woke up here I didn't have a headache even though my head was pounding before.

As I head to the front door I can hear Henry talking a mile a minute, I slowly open the door enough to look out but they haven't seen me yet. Emma is so absorbed in what he's saying as they both look at the helicopter that Henry is flying. Their heads both cocked to one side easy smiles on their faces.

It's a beautiful sight to see. One that I'm glad I am able to witness without detection; it allows me to fully take in both of them.

Over the years I have accepted Emma as a co-parent and I am glad for it. In all the places I may lack, she is able to fill those spaces for Henry. She has the street smarts of the modern world that I just have not been exposed to. While I may have other strengths I'm glad she is able to help him with such important things. Although I would never readily admit it to anyone, I know that before she came along it was a much scarier thought of raising Henry by myself in this world that can still be so foreign to me.

I wonder if they have ever been able to do this together. Of course there was a time when Henry completely rejected me and spent more time with Ms. Swan, but I hardly think they had time to do such simple things together. Especially since all of his toys and things were here, a place I did not allow her.

Ever since Emma arrived to Storybrooke she and I had fought, and after the curse broke she fought to keep me safe, and then fought others in the Enchanted Forest. Always fighting for everyone is a full time job.

Henry had his own problems, being shuffled between Emma and me, the incessant bickering and not having a constant in his life. Have they ever been able to just fly a little mechanical motored toy together on a random afternoon?

I can't help but to frown at such a thought. Was I so blinded by my own worries that I did not think of what was best for him?

Standing behind the door and so engrossed in my inner musings, I don't even notice them pushing it open the door until it hits me and sends me floor.

"Mom!" I hear Henry yell as I most ungracefully fall backwards.

My heart starts pounding as the air is literally knocked out of my lungs. I try to gather my bearings and am grateful that I did not bump my head. I must have been quite distracted not to hear them entering.

Now that I think of it I am feeling quite warm and a bit tingly but do not feel as bad once I get my breathing under control, maybe I did hit my head since I still feel disoriented. That door hit me square in the chest, and I have told Henry so many times not to swing the door so hard. I will have to remind him of that later.

I am feeling a bit of humiliation at actually falling to the floor. I know that if I had not been so distracted in my own head I would not have fallen quite so easily. Of course then I remember that they actually didn't know I was there watching them.

I lean my head back and that's when I feel it, it definitely isn't the floor under me. I open my eyes slowly and see Henry standing in front of me, obvious shock on his face and he's saying something. "Mom, can you hear me? Are you okay?" he asks starting to crouch down next to me.

I try to get up but am pulled back down, so I turn to my left to see green eyes starting back at me, worry etched on her face. "Henry why don't you go get some water for your mom" she doesn't take her eyes off of me, "not so fast there Regina, you just fell pretty hard, I luckily was able to break some of your fall but maybe you shouldn't try to get up so fast."

That's when I finally look down and see that I am practically leaning my upper body on hers. I'm not sure how but she managed to get behind me as I was falling but she now has my back to her front with both of her arms over my arms from behind.

Its feels very comfortable but uncomfortable at the same time so I try to pull away once more, this time she doesn't try to stop me. I add some distance between us and I feel like I am really burning up now. My throat is dry and my palms a little sweaty as I grimace at the fact and wipe them discreetly on my jeans. I scoot further out of her reach and she gets the idea as she slowly backs up as well and comes to a crouching position next to me.

"Are you okay? You haven't said anything yet, what were you doing behind the door…" She's looking at me, speaking with a gentle voice, and taking such care that it only leaves me more speechless. The usually abrasive and clumsy woman, now showing such a soft side

"I.." just then Henry comes back with some water and a wet washcloth. He must have remembered when I would bring him a wet washcloth whenever he was ill, so he assumed I would need it now. It only makes me smile at him as I turn away from Emma. Taking a long sip I actually do feel better.

"Thank you Henry, and Ms Swan, thank you for breaking my fall." I look down, I know my cheeks are red but I am sure that they think it is from embarrassment.

"It's ok Mom, It's my fault I hit you with the door, I didn't see you and we were just running in because we could smell the food and it made us hungrier." He smiles then relieved that I am okay.

"Here let me help you up, why don't we get you on the couch for a bit." Emma practically lifts me into her arms then, and I let a little yelp escape my lips before I can help it. I fear she will drop me so I try to push my legs down to the floor which only makes her tighten her grip effectively lifting me completely off the ground and into the living room.

"Ms. Swan, I think I can walk, I do not need you carrying me like some knight in shining armor. Its not as though I broke my leg or something" I scoff as she slowly lays me down on the couch.

"There there, see that wasn't so hard now was it?" She just smiles as she grabs Henry's hand and leads him away. "We'll be right back, just try to relax."

I reach again for another sip of water and try to calm myself. My heart is still beating intensely in my chest. I feel so silly sitting here with a washcloth over my head like some sick old woman. Although I have to admit it was nice to be taken care of in such a way. Especially with how attentive Henry was being. He had followed closely behind us, and as soon as I was on the couch he draped the folded washcloth over my head with such concentration.

At that moment he had the same look of determination that Emma has as she basically hoisted me in the air.

I would it was like a caveman but if I'm going to be honest with myself, it was in fact very chivalrous.

I close my eyes and try to imagine what I would have been doing right about now the first time around. I'm sure that Henry would be off somewhere with Emma, or locked up in his room. He had hated me so much.

I love the attention he is giving me now though, so I am going to soak it all up and just pretend that this is how it really went. I'm going to pretend that this is how the friendship with Emma began, instead of forming a friendship built on hurt and so much loss. Maybe we can forego that this time and just enjoy the time we have together.

It may be the only time I ever get to spend with Emma again, and that thought scares me more than I'd like to admit. We really weren't that close, just barely friends but I have come to depend on her and more importantly, Henry needs her in his life.

…

I'd like to thank everyone again! Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Please review if you can. I would really appreciate it.


	7. Chapter 6B

When I awaken it's because someone is lightly rubbing my arm. I slowly pull away from it; the last thing I want right now is Robin touching me.

"Robin please, I told you we will talk about it, but not right now." I know I shouldn't be mean to him for being who he is, but I cannot help it.

I open my eyes and see two sets of confused eyes looking very close to my face.

"Emma…..Henry...?" I'm still on the couch, and I still have the washcloth on my head. I don't know how long I was out.

"Who's Robin, mom?" Henry is looking at me as if I have 2 heads, then he looks to Emma, "She must have really hit her head or something."

They both look back to me again, "I kinda like this Regina since she calls me Emma instead of ." She smirks.

I still don't say anything. Am I trapped in this dream? I thought for sure I would have woken up in my bed in real time. But apparently not. Maybe I am going crazy. I don't know what is real and what isn't anymore.

This place is starting to feel more real than the other. And it's certainly a nicer place to be at the moment. Instead of arguing with Robin, and searching for Emma as the Dark One, I have two people who are showing genuine care for my wellbeing. Henry also seems to be much more loving than he did at this age in the other world.

In the living room there are TV dinner tables set up; one in front of my couch and two across from me, and the food has been placed on the long coffee table between the two couches.

They follow my gaze and Henry speaks up, "Oh we though since you fell that maybe we would bring the food to you. Well it was more Emma's idea but I helped!"

"That's very nice of you sweetheart, and look you even brought out these old tables. We haven't used them in ages. Was I out long? You two must be hungry." I try to get up, and they both get on each side of me slowly helping me to a sitting position.

I want to roll my eyes and tell them I'm fine, but I don't.

Henry then takes my plate and starts serving the food, dropping a bit on the table as he does but I pretend I don't see it. He places it in front of me, and goes to serve himself. Emma has already made up her plate and is already sitting across from me. She is still looking at me strangely but I also pretend not to notice.

"Thank you Henry, I am so proud of you for taking care of me like this." I genuinely smile at him.

"Well when you fell it really scared me; I don't think I ever saw you get hurt before. I just want to help." He bashfully smiles under my gaze and starts to poke at his food. I can tell that I've embarrassed him a bit but he just looks so sweet, when he looks up at my I wink and smile at him which earns a big grin.

We eat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. The food is still warm so I couldn't have been out too long. It's almost as if she has read my mind when Emma finally speaks up.

"We were only in the kitchen for about 10 minutes so you couldn't have been out too long." She looks at Henry, then at me before continuing, "So.. um… who's Robin."

"…." I open my mouth to reply when I realize I don't know what to say. I clear my throat. "I'm sorry, what are you…." I pretend.

"Oh come on Regina you can tell us, is it someone you are seeing, perhaps? Because Henry has never mentioned him but you seemed pretty comfortable saying his name…" I see anger flash in her eyes as well as something else.

"I've never heard of a Robin and we know practically everyone in this town. Maybe he was from out of town..." I see Henry try to subtly wink at Emma. Oh Lord this must be his obsession again with the fairy tales. I really thought he would have moved past that since Emma and I were getting along; even though he is absolutely correct in his assumption.

"Okay you two just drop it, I was asleep and people say strange things when they are not fully awake. I knew a Robin, but that is not a conversation for right now, why don't we just finish our meal." I shouldn't have said I knew a Robin, it just slipped out. Of course Henry will want to know more details later. What will I say? I need to divert the subject towards something else…

"Ms. Swan how are you liking Storybrooke? How are your accommodations? Have you decided how long you are staying?" I look up smiling and hoping they will just drop the while Robin thing.

Knowing Henry he will put two and two together and know that I was referring to Robin Hood. Then that will only confirm his suspicions. I am proud of my boy though for being so astute in his observations. But we cannot get into that right now.

"Uhh well it's a really small town which is something I'm not used to. I am so used to the hustle and bustle of a large city and all the noise. But I have to say it is nice to know your neighbors and living in a quiet little town. I think I would have liked to grow up in a place like this. And well…." She looks down then, and I can see that I must have said something wrong. She's let go of her fork now and is playing with her fingers instead. It's a nervous habit, and I can tell she is uncomfortable but I just do not know why.

"Then what's wrong Emma? You don't want to stay here? I thought you were gonna stay for me." Now Henry looks upset and I have managed to mess things up again. It's not as though I asked really challenging questions.

How can the soon-to-be Savior be so unsure of herself.

Now that I think about it, she has been exhibiting different emotions than the ones I saw when I had first met her. She came on so strong, and pushed so hard barging into our lives, well more like thrown into it, but still. It was difficult, but also exhilarating to finally have a worthy opponent. She came into town with such a confidence and a wont-back-down attitude. But this person in front of me is so different.

"Well the thing is... Henry I want to stay and be here for you.." Emma is still looking down and I just want to scream for her to just spit it out, whatever it is.

Then she looks up at me and her eyes are a bit red.

"I don't have a place to live. I have looked at the local paper and there aren't any job listings. And I cannot exactly sleep in my car much longer. I am sorry but I will have to move back to Boston very soon." As Emma finishes its close to a whisper and I can tell she is about to let a tear drop as she excuses herself from the living room. I hear her walk down the hall towards the restroom.

There is nothing but silence as Henry and I sit there; our food long forgotten. I try to wrack my brain for how this could have happened. How is it that I forgot she was sleeping in her car? I remember taking apples to her in her hotel room when I had threatened her to leave. But all that did was make her more determined to stay.

Then when Henry had run away again she had stayed and helped, and then she somehow ended up moving in with Mary Margaret.

What am I missing?

Emma comes back in the room, her face clearly more stoic than before and takes a seat.

There is still silence as Henry and I look back and forth at each other.

"I was staying at the B & B but they told me that they could no longer have me staying there. And it seems as though all the jobs in Storybrooke are filled. Kid, I really do love getting to know you, and maybe if your mom is okay with it you could maybe visit me, but I will be leaving tonight." She then grabs her plate, then Henry's and mine and walks into the kitchen.

As soon as she's out of hearing range, Henry looks to me, "We can't let her go mom, this is all wrong, and she was supposed to save everyone. Break the curse…."

"Henry…." I try to say something but I realize that is my fault. I was the one who had her removed from the B & B and then I somehow had managed to change things so that she never spoke to Mary Margaret about moving in together. It's all so confusing how things are all meshing together. It's becoming harder to remember how things were before, the first time.

I wonder how long she has been staying in her car. It all starts to make sense. The reason she was acting differently, and why it was so hard for her to tell us. She feels inadequate; she has so much pride that she must feel so very ashamed. I caused all of this. If this is all a dream why does is hurt my chest so much to think of how she must be feeling? And worse, to know that I am the cause of it.

What was going on?

I turn to Henry to let him know everything will be okay.

I will have to make it okay somehow.

As I begin to speak I suddenly feel lightheaded and everything fades into darkness.


	8. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who has taken a chance on this story. I appreciate all the positive feedback. As always your reviews are greatly appreciated and they are what keeps me going.**

...

I'm floating in darkness.

It is like I am weightless but I am being pulled in different directions.

I cannot make out what is being said but I hear voices.

They are all around me, some speaking to me and others speaking to someone else.

I try to move but that doesn't help.

Am I suspended in time?

Am I asleep or awake? Perhaps a bit of both.

The voices are starting to get clearer now.

I think I hear Henry, he's calling for me, and then he's calling for Emma. I hear him speaking a bit frantically and then I hear Emma calling my name. I can hear them but I cannot feel them. I can hear the worry in their voices. I am unable to respond.

I try to move my body somehow. I twist and turn but it's like I'm paralyzed. I do not stop.

Then a little while later I hear Henry again, but this time he is calling for Robin. He sounds older. This time he doesn't sound as worried, he almost sounds relieved.

I feel someone taking my hand. They are squeezing it. I try to reciprocate. My hand very slowly closing around theirs.

Eventually I start to feel more of my body, and I can smell too now. I smell bleach.

I hear a faint beeping and heavy footsteps.

I try to open my eyes and the brightness is blinding. I close them immediately.

"No worries Love" He strokes my hair and forehead, "Please keep your eyes closed for a bit. It may take a while to adjust." I hear Robins soothing voice in my ear as I feel him take my other hand. I try to relax a bit.

"Yeah mom, try not to move too much, you are going to be ok. We are here for you. You had us worried sick, but please just stay awake for us, okay?" I hear the pleading in his voice and I try to respond but my throat is so dry that I cannot speak.

I try to swallow and that seems to make it worse, like there's sand stuck in my throat. I grimace.

Then I feel something poke my lips a little and it makes me jump. I squint my eyes open, slowly this time as to not be blinded.

"I'm sorry I was just trying to give you some water. Drink it slowly okay?" Henry is looking at me and speaking very slowly. If I wasn't so confused I might have been annoyed at him treating me like a child.

Nodding my head I slowly open my mouth and take a sip.

The water feels glorious in my mouth and as I slowly swallow I feel so much better. I keep on drinking until I reach the bottom of the cup. I need more, and I have never felt this kind of thirst.

I look around me then, towards Henry as I silently beg for more water with my eyes. Just as he's refilling my cup I see Dr. Whale behind him.

"Not too much Henry. She may be thirsty but we don't want to overdo it." He says with a smile, and I wish I could throw something at him.

I turn to Henry and clear my throat, "What is going on?" I know I am back in real time because of how old he is.

Then I finally look around me.

Henry is to my right and Robin to my left. Dr. Whale is in the doorway and ofcourse I am in the hospital.

I feared such when I smelled the bleach. There is such a sterile smell in a hospital and it makes me sick to my stomach to be here. I must get out. I do not trust for one second that Dr. Frankenstein is really worried for my wellbeing at all.

My bed is not flat, the back part being a little more upright in a sitting position, so I rip off the sheets and turn in my bed in an attempt to get out when I start to actually fall out of the bed. It's like I have no control over my body, and all the energy I used to tear the sheets off of me has left my arms burning.

Henry grabs a hold of me then, and ever so gently starts moving my upper body back onto the pillows. He looks so big beside me, and has such strong arms. It's a complete contrast to the young Henry that I have been with lately. I miss the softness of his chubby cheeks, now more lean and sunken in. I notice the bags under his eyes and realize that he must be so scared. My boy scared of losing not one but both of his mothers.

"Oh Henry, come here please." I raise my arms a bit gesturing his into a hug which he immediately accepts and puts his face to my chest. He puts his arms around me again, similar to how he did right after Emma had disappeared.

He then pulls back and wipes at his eyes, trying to hide his tears, trying to be strong for me.

I look to Robin and see the obvious worry on his face as well. He smiles at me and strokes my hair again, "when I arrived at home you were on the bed asleep. I didn't think anything of at the time and just thought you were tired from the day, but when I tried to wake you in the morning it was as though you were in a comatose state." He looks down at the floor.

"Yah, so then he came and got me and we brought you here." Henry adds in.

"They have run several tests, and even started feeding you through this tube device into your veins. The doctors said that you were okay but we have been unable to awaken you for an entire day. We thought it was magic so we went to ask Mr. Gold but he is also in the hospital and unconscious since the night he had a heart attack." Robin looks at me again as he continues, "They would like you to stay here until they can get you more stable. Although there is nothing wrong with you physically, your pressures are very erratic and we believe your body to be very weak." He pauses then, out of breath or just plain exhausted.

He is certainly correct about the weakness. My body feels so heavy. Maybe it is because I have not eaten in several days. That's what it is. I will have something to eat and then we can all go home. I do not want to stay here.

"Perhaps it's just because I have not eaten, that would make be a reason for me to feel weak." I try to convince them as well as myself.

"Well, the IV supplementation we are giving you is more than enough to help you regain your strength but it doesn't seem to be very effective right now. We have also added many things to help replenish your body, such as electrolytes but your body seems to be depleting them all at an accelerated rate. All scans in this modern world are indicating that there is nothing physically wrong with you. Magic has to be involved. That would be my conclusion, although I do not know much about magic." Dr. Whale informs us. As if I had asked for his medical opinion, he is not even a real doctor, he is better at ripping people apart than putting them back together.

"I see…" I begin when Robin interrupts.

"Well can she not have these IV's at home instead of here? Could we also maybe have a nurse come to check in on her there? I will be there to watch her as well as Henry. We just want to make her as comfortable as possible, especially in her state." Robin finishes, and I should be happy he is trying to help but I am not.

I do not like the way he is speaking about me as though I cannot speak for myself; suggesting I need watching over. I may be weak but I am not deaf and mute. I can speak for myself. I look at him, and he at me and something feels off.

I shouldn't be so angry about what he said but maybe it is because I was already cross with him about Zelena.

"I do not need looking after. I am capable of hiring staff if need be but I will be leaving this place today. Yes I am weak, but I do not need to be here to get well, or treated as if I am some sort of invalid. And I most certainly do not want to worry Henry who has been through enough already." I turn my face away from then and try to control my breathing as I look toward Henry.

"My dear…" Robin starts but I put up my hand and look incredulously at him. I do not want to hear anymore and my head is starting to pound once more.

"Please Robin, I just need some peace right now. Can you get me something to eat perhaps?" I look to him, almost begging him to leave me for the moment.

He looks hurt, and turns away for a moment clearing his throat for which I fear would have been horse if he hadn't. "Yes, ofcourse, I will return shortly."

With that he turns and leaves with Dr. Whale following him out.

A few minutes pass as I try to calm myself down and I realize that Henry hasn't said anything so I look over to him and see him smirking at me.

I am a bit thrown by his look so I give him a questioning look myself.

"Mom that was so badass! I am so worried about you but, it's good to have you back!" He then breaks out into a huge smile.

I know I should berate him for his language but I cannot help the laugh that comes out of my mouth instead. It did feel good to channel my inner Mayor for a moment. It had been so long.

We are both smiling, and I ignore the burning in my arm as I reach out and shove at his shoulder a bit.

...

We are home now, Robin having returned with food and also a wheel chair.

He had filled out all the paperwork with Whale before going off to get my food so that I could be home as soon as possible.

I am very grateful for it and even though I hate that damn wheelchair, I do have to use it for the time being so we had to bring it home from the hospital.

We are in the dining room eating when I finally ask the question that's been in the back of my mind this whole time.

"What are the developments with Emma? Has anyone heard anything yet?" I ask looking from Robin to Henry.

There is a long moment before Henry speaks up. "We don't have anything solid yet. Gramps and Hook are still checking around town, but they can't make it too obvious since no one knows what happening. Well except for Blue, who is helping grams and Belle in their research."

"You are entrusting Blue? And she agreed? Does she know that dark magic is involved?" I cannot believe that I did not think of it myself. Especially with the condition that Rumple is in. She would be the only other one in Strorybrooke who could detect the use of magic.

"Yeah mom, she is helping, she said she would do it for Emma because she believe that Emma's light magic will eventually win over the darkness that is in her now." Henry looks hopeful and I glad because I cannot do anything to help. Atleast someone is able to.

I finish up my food and just the act of sitting up and eating has warn me out. I hate to admit when I am unwell. I cannot even count on both hands the number of times I have been ill since coming to this realm. But I can feel it deep inside of me that there is something seriously wrong.

Robin is still not saying much and although it makes me feel guiltier to see him sitting quietly at the table, I can't think of what to say to him right now.

As I reach up for my water my hands are shaky and he immediately grabs it and brings it closer to me. I nod my head and take a sip.

I think I need to go and rest some more, but before that I decide I should atleast try to see if I have any material on the Dark One to do some research of my own.

Henry and Robin clear off the table and since I am the only one left in the room I quickly try to conjure up a few volumes from my study.

Nothing happen. I wave my hand again and see purple smoke, but again nothing happens.

I cannot be this helpless. I cannot just sit here in this wheelchair and do nothing!

I try again, this time having to strain more than I should and still nothing comes except for purple smoke.

I slam my hands on the table which causes Henry to come running out of the kitchen.

As he reaches for my face I turn away ashamed to show him my frustration when he pulls my face back to him. "Mom your nose is bleeding. Let me get a napkin, and then maybe we should get your to bed. What were you doing?" He asks.

This is bad. I don't know what to do, but I know I have to honest with Henry. I cannot lie to him anymore, I made that promise to him long ago, and it's the only thing that kept us together.

As I look into his eyes he stops wiping at my nose and sits next to me, very close to my face.

I grab his hand and squeeze it tightly as I whisper, "Henry I need you to listen carefully okay sweetheart. My magic is not working, and I fear I am about to pass out again. My protection spell is not in tact if I am this weak so you need to find Snow and Blue as soon as you can and have them do a protection spell on this house, and the Charming's home as well. If anyone finds out that Emma is the dark one then they can use her against us." I can see the fear in his eyes, but I need him to understand.

"I think I will be okay if I am able to get a lot of rest. My body is just too weak. And I fear that whatever took over Emma is still inside of me as well. Blue will have to try and get it out of me, and possibly trap it somewhere. She will not want to help me but you need to convince her that they need my help with Emma." I lean on him a bit now, feeling even weaker. "She might need to put me in a deep sleep for a while she drains whatever is stuck inside of me." Henry just listens and finally speaks up.

"I'm scared mom." He looks at me with tears in his eyes, looking so much younger at the moment.

"I know honey, but it will be okay. You know your grandparents and Robin will not let anything happen to you. And I will be with you, even in my dreams I always am with you. Even Ms. Swan is there." I try to make an annoyed face to lighten the mood.

"We are all together, the three of us, and we even get along. It's the weirdest thing Henry, and you are so little. It's like I am able to have a second chance with you in my dreams. You are with Emma too and flying that old helicopter in our front yard…" I smile at the memory even though it's just a dream.

"Oh yeah, I remember that time I hit you with the door." He smiles then too.

I look up at him immediately. How could he have known that? It never really happened.

"But Henry... how could you…." As I am asking him I know I will not be able to finish my question as I pass out yet again.


	9. Chapter 8

**I hope you all enjoy this one. It's the start of more swan queen centered chapters. As always please review. I look forward to seeing how you all like what I am doing here. My goal is to get atleast 10 reviews on this chapter. Lets see if ya'll can make that happen for me! Enjoy!**

 ****Song that came to mind after writing this chapter: Sparks by Coldplay**

...

This is seriously becoming ridiculous.

I do not know how much longer I can stand this back and forth.

I don't know what is up from down, real from unreal.

What Henry just said to me has completely thrown me. How is it possible that he could have a memory that was in a dream of mine? I would think him a telepath of some sort, but I have never heard of any in these lands. And I would know if my own son was able to poses magic.

The only conclusion I have is that I was talking in my sleep. He was right by my bed when I awoke in the hospital, so maybe I was speaking and he heard me.

That or this is really not a dream. The second thought scares me more because it means that my actions do have consequences. And that whatever I do here is affecting our future somehow.

If I am to continue building this friendship with Emma, how will it affect thing when I wake up yet again. Will the curse have been broken?

Oh it's just too much to think about, and I am tired of watching my every move. Of being so calculated, I actually felt free here. I felt as though I could just be, without judgment, without persecution.

I must seek out some help. Do my own type of research. Perhaps I will have to ask Belle about it.

But Belle is still in the asylum.

Oh what a terrible time I have been sent back to.

Although it has been going rather well so far.

I think I will just have to see how things go. I am actually starting to feel happy here, and that can only help the terrible future that awaits us.

….

"Should we wake her yet? She's been sleeping for a while. Can I nudge her or something?" I hear Henry's adorable young voice very close to my face.

"No kid, maybe just give her a few minutes. I think that door really hit her hard. How about you and I go downstairs and clean up the house. That way when she does get up she doesn't have to do anything. Plus it's getting late. Maybe we could just let her sleep through the night." Emma says to Henry.

I couldn't understand why she was being so kind towards me. especially after all that I have put her through since she came to town.

"But if she stays sleeping then who will take care of me? What about when you leave? What if something happens to her Emma? No one really likes my mom, they are all scared of her, well… because you know.. she's the Evil Queen. But she hasn't been that mean to me lately… maybe she's changing because you are here." He is still close to my face and I almost picture his face as he says these things.

"Henry please stop with the Evil Queen stuff. She's your mother and it probably hurts her when you say these things. I mean yeah she was kind of mean to me too when I got here, but you have to see things from her point of view. You ran away, you literally left town and went somewhere completely new to you, all alone. How do you think that made her feel? She was probably worried sick. And you know she has actually been pretty cool with me lately so I think you should give her another chance." I can already hear the parenting tone in Emma's voice. I never thought she would defend me to him, especially this early.

"Yah I guess she was worried about me. But what about you, how can you leave?" I hear his voice crack, and I want to comfort Henry but I do not want to interrupt their conversation now.

"I told you that I don't want to go, but I have to. Look if your mom doesn't get up tonight then I will stay with you until she does. I wouldn't just leave you alone. Maybe I can just sleep on the couch for the night, and leave tomorrow." I hear Emma comfort Henry.

"Why don't you just live with us Emma? We have lots of guest rooms." I hear him trying to convince her.

"Henry please stop, and lets head downstairs so your mom can rest in silence." She must have guided him out the door because I hear the click of the lock.

I hear their voices outside of the room and they sound like they are ascending the stairs.

I slowly peak my eyes open. I am back in my bedroom. They have draped a blanket over me and I still have the washcloth on my forehead.

I quickly discard the washcloth and stand up and pace the room quietly.

I just don't know what to do. I was enjoying myself with them earlier in the day, and I would like that to continue.

Wherever this may be, I am stuck here indefinitely and I may as well make the most of it.

But what should I do about Emma? I obviously do not want her to leave, for Henrys sake, but how can I get her to stay.

Would it be too bold to ask her to stay here? Would I even want her to stay here, or feel comfortable with another woman living under my roof? Also offer her money perhaps, maybe a loan until she is able to pay herself.

Or better yet, I can offer her the position of deputy that Graham had originally given her. Then after a few weeks she would be able to find her own place.

Yes that's what I will do.

….

I waited another 30 minutes before I decide to head downstairs.

I walk into the kitchen to see Emma wiping the dishes and Henry putting them away.

I clear my throat and see them both turn towards me.

"Mom! Look we cleaned up everything. We didn't want to wake you so we were really quiet too" He's so proud of himself, so I smile at him.

"Thank you dear. I'm sorry about earlier, I don't exactly know what happened. I must have been tired." I say to them as I take a seat on a stool.

"It's okay, do you think Emma and I can watch a movie now?" Henry asks, and I have to remind myself that he is still young and not the older more caring young man that he has become. "Maybe you could watch with us too…" That surprises me though because he hasn't wanted to do anything with me in a long time.

"Yes dear, that's fine, why don't you go and set it up for us while I speak to Ms. Swan." I tell him and I gesture towards Emma.

He happily runs out of the room, to the living room to presumably go through his very large collection of movies.

Emma puts down the dishrag and comes to tentatively sit next to me. She seems nervous and I still am not used to this more timid version of her. I wonder if she would have shown this side if I had not pushed her so hard. I now know that she had to be touch growing up on the streets, but I guess all it took was for me to be nice to see this other person.

"Regina, are you sure you are okay? I've been calling your name…" I look over and she's closer now, almost invading my personal space. She's staring at me and reaches out a hand. "May I?" I am not sure what she wants to do with her hand but I slowly nod a yes.

She gently tucks my hair back behind both ears with both of her hands. Then she very delicately places each back of her hand on my cheeks, and then one on my forehead.

"Hmm… Well you don't feel warm but you are acting a little strange. Can I get you something?" She's still looking at me intently.

I find myself pulling a little closer to the soft hand on my cheek. I feel a little tingle, almost like a spark and it's addicting. I must be losing it. I quickly pull back and clear my throat.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swan but I don't think that was very appropriate, and no thank you I am fine. I just wanted to speak to you about your living arrangements." I say and I try to get back on track. I am beginning to understand the fascination with this woman.

No wonder Hook, Neal and even Graham were so enamored with her. It feels like she's using magic on me without even realizing it. Or maybe it is because she is the product of True Love, maybe that gives her the ability to lure people in without even knowing what or how she is doing it.

I wonder why it has never been a problem before now. Is it because we are alone together? Now that I think back I can't remember too many times that we have just been together where there wasn't some threat we were trying to handle, or some life we were trying to save.

I need to keep my mind straight. But I know at the same time that I cannot let her leave. If what happens here has any bearing on the future then it is imperative that she not leave.

"Well you know it's like I told Henry, it's not that I don't want to stay…" She looks down then, and I realize she's still too close to me. But there is a want in me to comfort her, to make her feel better. It's innate, almost like I cannot help myself.

"Then why don't you do as Henry suggested and just stay here?" I'm still looking straight at her and I say the words before my brain has time to catch up with what I've just said.

She looks up at me shocked but I don't look away. I don't think I could if I wanted to.

"What? You heard? Are you sure? You don't even like me, you barely tolerate me." She kind of laughs the last part to herself. She has so many questions in her eyes.

"I may have woken up while you two were speaking but I did not want to interrupt. I heard what you said to Henry. Ms. Swan you could have kicked me while I was down, you could have badmouthed me to my son. Especially with the way he speaks about me to you, don't think I do not know what he says. But instead you defended me and you tried to look from my perspective. I appreciate that more than you could know and now I would like to help you in return." I feel so tense and vulnerable at that moment.

This is so unlike me. I do not give people chances like this, especially the Savior. She is annoying especially in the time that we are right now but I know the woman she becomes and maybe this time around I can help her to get there instead of pushing her to the breaking points. Maybe I can be the one to help her embrace who she is.

I know I pushed for so long, but as fate has it, our lives will always be intertwined because of Henry, and maybe we can start now to make it better for the three of us.

"I have thought it through Ms. Swan and maybe this is the best place for you to be. Atleast until you are able to get a job as you said, and just until you can get back on your feet and get your own place." I encourage her.

She is still looking at me, speechless I presume since she has yet to say anything. The shock on her face would be considered kind of adorable were it not for the seriousness of the conversation.

I think if I were in her place I would be wondering if my words were genuine. We didn't exactly have the best start and she is almost as guarded as I am.

When I think back to the way she grew up I am amazed that Henry was even able to get through to her when he convinced her to come to Storybrooke. But then again, any woman with sense would bring a young boy back. But she didn't have to stay.

I smile to myself, but then again who could say no to Henry? I certainly never could. He is the only one that tethers us all together. So maybe I will have to use Henry to convince her. I will pull out all stops if I have to, in order to keep her here.

I tentatively put my hand over hers on the table, I don't know what I'm doing but I can't question myself now. "Ms. Swan think about Henry here, and let go of your pride for a minute." She smiles a bit and rolls her eyes. "I know it wasn't easy for you to admit what you did earlier in the livingroom. I know we got off to a rough start, but I have realized that Henry needs you in his life, no matter how much I loathe admitting it."

"And I need you to understand that he will always be my number one priority. If having you in his life is this important then who am I to deny him of that?" I question her, and slowly begin to pull my hand away when she turns her hand over and grabs onto mine.

"Are you sure about this? I have had people invite me to stay before, only to change their minds and kick me out. I couldn't handle that again…" she stops then and I see the frustration and hurt in her eyes. "And I do not want to be treated like a charity case, I swear to you that if you are serious then I will be here and I will help out as much as I can, I am not going to take advantage of such an offer to spend time with my son." I see fierce determination in her eyes. I don't know how she switches her emotions so quickly, but I will admit that a spark shot through me when I saw that determination.

"Yes I am completely serious Ms. Swan. I do not make such decisions just off the top of my head." I scoff, and push away her hand eventhough I know I'm lying. Well I normally do not, but I did in this case.

"Okay okay, calm down, first off, yes I will accept your offer on two conditions." She's smiling now and it's so damn infectious.

"What conditions?" I look at her feigning annoyance.

"First of all you seriously need to stop calling me Ms. Swan. It drives me crazy. I am in your home and we are just hanging out so you do not need to be so damn formal with me. And second, I want to help out as much as possible. We can divide up the work, or I can take on more responsibilities since I don't have a job and you do. I could make Henrys lunches and take him to school or whatever else." She seems almost eager and I am surprised that she wants to help out. I never thought she would be willing to take on so much. But then I guess I really didn't know her very well.

"Alright I will address you as Emma in this house, but outside you are still Ms. Swan. I do not need the people of my town to think I have gone soft. Speaking of which, it is no one's business what goes on in this home so I would appreciate you not rattling anything off to Ms. Lucas. She is the town's biggest gossip. And second, I have always done everything on my own, and I quite enjoy doing things for my son, so we will have to see about that." I can tell she's thinking everything over.

"Who is Ms. Lucas? And why would they gossip?" she asks, and I have to remind myself that she did just arrive to this town recently.

"Ms. Lucas is the woman at the diner, the one who flirts with anything that moves. She may start to say things about us, and our situation and I do not need anything getting back to my inquisitive son." I say annoyed.

"Well I am bisexual, and she knows about it. But I will reassure her that there is nothing going on between us. Thanks again Regina, I will go and tell Henry the good news." She hops off the stool and walks into the other room, and as soon as she does I rest my head in my hands.

What have I just done? I was in no way referring to Ms. Swans- Emma's sexuality when I suggested that rumors would be spread. I don't exactly know what I meant but it wasn't that.

And since when was she bisexual? How has this never come up before? I try to think back to all of the conversations we have ever had and none of them have ever suggested that she was interested in anything other than men. Has she ever dated any women in Storybrooke? Oh no, she did mention that Ms. Lucas was aware of her sexuality. How else would she know other than that they had already started some twisted affair together? How could she? She is supposed to be here for Henry, not get involved with some floosy; someone who has already had everyone in town, and now Emma too. It must have happened while Emma was staying at the B&B, now I am glad I put a stop to that when I had gotten her kicked out.

I can feel my breathing quicken as I imagine that Ms. Lucas would probably sneak into her room late at night and do whatever it is that women do. Well this certainly cannot continue under my roof. No way, and especially not in front of Henry.

I am not suggesting that I have anything against homosexuals, I do have the Internet and of course I try to keep up with all the current events in this world so I have seen their struggle to be treated as equals. But I just don't think it would be good for Henry to be confused about Ms. Lucas's role in his life if they do end up together. Yes I do not want Henry to be confused that's why I am so worked up about this. I will have to speak to Emma about it.

"Mom, Emma told me she's staying here! Isn't that awesome? Thank you." He hugs me tightly and I revel in the feeling of having his tiny little body so close to mine.

I lift him up to sit in my lap as I speak to him, "Now Henry she will be staying with us until she can find a place of her own. But she is our guest so you still have to treat her as such okay? I need you to help her find things, and also listen to her if she asks you to do anything. And if you feel uncomfortable or if anything bothers you then I want you to always come speak to me okay?" He nods eagerly and kisses my cheek.

"I will mom, see she is changing things for us mom, she's going to bring back all the happy endings. Now c'mon, we are ready to watch the movie!" he jumps off of my lap and runs into the living room.

…

As I lay in bed I think about how the night progressed after our talk in the kitchen.

I had proceeded to the livingroom where Henry had already set up Iron Man, which was also matching his pajamas with the same character.

It all felt a little too domestic how the three of us sat together to watch the movie. Henry in the middle, of course, and us on either side of him.

I can't say that I watched a single scene of the movie as I was distracted with what all had transpired in such a short period of time.

How had I gone from thinking that I would finally have a chance at happiness with Robin, to being stuck in some alternate universe with no other than Emma.

Now that I think about it, I really hadn't seen much of anyone else other than Henry and Emma. Why was I continuously brought back to this time in our lives? It was such a bad time for all of us.

Is there something I need to fix? Did Emma open up some kind of portal to the past that I unfortunately have to endure?

I was so used to being alone, and doing things alone before she came along and took that away from me.

I was so angry for so long, but then something changed. I stopped fighting it and I could see that Henry was happy to have us both; as long as we got along he was fine.

But that didn't start until there was mutual trust, and that mutual trust stemmed from all that had happened. It was as though we could only trust one another after I had proven myself.

How can I make things different this time? Would I even wake up in this same place next time?

I guess I will have to just wait and see.

And if I do return to this time I will definitely be speaking to Emma about Ruby Lucas!

….


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I awaken to the smell of coffee and smile to myself, and then the distinct smell of something burning.

Before I have time to get my bearings or even figure out what time I am in I jump out of bed and run down to the kitchen.

As I get to the kitchen this time though, it's a completely different sight to see.

The first thing I see is Henry standing on top of a high stool fanning the smoke alarm with a towel.

I immediately go to him, scared he will fall and crack open his skull.

"Henry, get down from there this instant!" I yell and I am literally carrying him off of the chair.

"Sorry mom, we just didn't want to wake you up." He looks down guiltily, so I caress his cheek to let him know I'm not mad at him.

It's only once I've assessed that he's ok that I turn and look around my once pristine kitchen.

There is flour on the countertops as well as the stove, and a sink full of dishes. The milk and orange juice are on the countertop. But what was most disturbing were the burnt pancake looking things on the stove and plate near the stove.

There is also fresh fruit sliced up, with the peeling and stems scattered about the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Henry what are you doing? Haven't I told you not to…" I am immediately cut off by Emma walking into the kitchen in nothing other than very small shorts, and a white singlet.

She is holding a rag to her finger and hasn't seen me yet when she says to Henry, "Hey what are you doing down here, I thought you were fanning the fire alarm."

As she finishes her eyes follows Henry's eyes and sees me standing there, my head high and hands on my hips and nose flaring.

She knows she's in trouble before I even start, "Ms. Swan what are you doing? How could you allow Henry to climb up on that tall chair, and then to leave him unattended, he could have fallen and seriously injured himself!" I am out of breath and I know the vein in my head is bulging out.

"And what are you wearing? There is a young boy in the house, could you atleast cover yourself up a bit more." I say and as flail my hand towards her.

I am so surprised and flustered that I have to hold onto the chair to keep from falling over. The adrenalin from me jumping out of bed and sprinting down the stairs finally catching up with me. I suddenly feel faint.

I can start to feel myself get dizzy and grab onto the chair tighter, which finally alerts the two other people in the room to take action as they had been standing frozen in place.

Henry rushes to me first, "Mom I'm sorry we just wanted to try and make you breakfast to thank you for letting Emma stay with us." He looks so innocent that I cannot stay mad so I node at him and ask him to go brush up and get cleaned up.

When he runs off I pull out the chair and sit for a moment before Emma approaches me. "Look I'm really sorry about the mess; I will clean it up. It was actually Henry's idea to do it, and well it sounded like a good idea at the time… Are you okay? You seem a little out of it." She comes to stand right near me.

"I was just surprised is all, this isn't the first time that Henry has tried to surprise me with breakfast, and as sweet as it is, I'd like to keep my house intact, thank you very much." I say the last part with such defiance that she actually starts laughing.

This is not the response I expected from her. To be honest I expected her to fight back about how she was just trying to do something nice, and I ruined it as usual. Or that I was being controlling and needed to ease up.

Instead I get full out laughter. And as much as I try to keep my straight and angered face, I cannot help but break out into a small smile.

"I'm sorry..." she says between laughs, "Really I am, but the look on your face was priceless, and the look on Henry's face…" she is unable to even finish her sentence as she is almost crying now from laughter. I have never seen this carefree spirit before.

"Ms. Swan, this is hardly a laughing matter. You could have burned down my house! And Henry fanning that alarm…" I cannot do it; I start to laugh as well. "You should have seen the look on his face when I walked in."

She pulls out a chair now and is sitting across from me. She's looking at me with such lightness, and it feels so nice to just sit here together and laugh about our son.

Am I upset about what happened? Of course I am, and I am going to make them clean every inch of this kitchen, but I am glad to share this moment with someone.

Before I can help it I continue, "You should have seen the look on his face the first time it happened. He was 4 and tried to make toast…" before I finish a new set of laughter takes over.

This time I do not hold back, I start laughing, and it feels so good; so nice to be able to speak to someone else in this town about my son. Not just these lifeless zombies I had been dealing with for the last 28 years, but an actual person who will appreciate it.

"I remember a time when I tried to cook for this family, thinking they would want to keep me if I could do things like that for them. Let's just say that I was labeled a pyromaniac after the incident and shipped back to the orphanage." She says it with a smile, but I know she thinks this is anything but funny, and I appreciate her sharing with me.

I try to lighten the mood back to what it was by saying, "Well then we will have to call Henry Pyromaniac Jr. what do you think." I ask with a wink.

She's blushing now and smiling, and I don't know why it makes me happy to see that redness run across her cheeks. I'm just glad that I was able to pull her out of that sadness.

"Yep, must be in the genes. Man, I wish I could have seen cute little Henry in that kitchen, I know I would have been mad but is it even really possible to stay mad at him?" she asks.

"It really was scarier than anything. I could barely see his little figure through the smoke. But no Ms. Swan it is impossible to stay mad at him; nevertheless I still have to punish him so as to show him it is not okay to do such things." I look over to her and see her agree.

"Well you are doing a great job so far, I only wish I had been here to see him grow up." She looks down.

"Me too." I say and am stunned at my own admission; just as stunned as she is. What am I saying? How could I divulge something like that to her? She barely even knows us yet. The Emma I am referring to is the one who had sacrificed herself for me, fought side by side to save our son. But this was that Emma, she just hadn't become her yet.

She just smiles, and lets me off of the hook. "Alright since I butchered these crepes, how about I treat you both to breakfast at Granny's?" She is trying to pull that innocent look that I know too well. But since she let me off the hook I will do the same for her.

"Alright _Emma_ , but only if you and Henry clean this entire kitchen as soon as we return." I say getting up, and heading for the door.

"Okay deal, and one more thing _Madam Mayor_ , I am not the only one wearing skimpy clothes, perhaps you should wear a robe around such a young boy." She smirks at me and walks right in front of me and out the door.

It is only then that I look down to see that I am wearing one of my shorter and more revealing nightgowns. In my haste to get downstairs I never did grab my robe.

She is challenging me normally where I would be annoyed I find myself intrigued.

…

I'm annoyed. Scratch that I'm more than annoyed I'm angry.

I can see that Henry knows I'm angry because he is studying the menu like he doesn't already have it memorized.

I am also studying my menu even though I know I will order one of 3 items that I frequent.

And where is Emma. Well at the moment she is at the counter speaking to none other than Ms. Lucas. They seem to be engaged in a hilarious conversation by the looks of it.

Why did she invite us here to just have us sit while she flirts with that? I am almost ready to just get up and walk right out when Granny yells from the back for Ms. Lucas to get back to her job.

This inadvertently required Emma to return to our table.

As she sits down she is still smiling to herself, and I cannot figure out why I am so bothered. Her and Ms. Lucas have always been close so it shouldn't bother me, but ever since last night after Emma so casually stated her sexuality I have began to wonder if they always had something more; more than just a close friendship.

"Emma what were you and Ruby talking about? It looked funny; did you tell her you were gonna live with us now?" Henry asks her, and I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering.

"Oh nothing important, just some adult stuff, kid." She playfully ruffles his hair as she tells him.

"C'mon Emma, just tell me, is it a secret?" he smiles sneakily and whispers, "Because I am good at keeping secrets, we could even have a code name."

"Henry come off it, let's just eat and get back to the house. You and Ms. Swan have a lot of cleaning to do when you get back, and I have things to do as well." I snap at him and do not mean to take that tone with him, but it's too late.

He immediately recoils, and mumbles, "But it's the weekend, our first weekend with Emma."

"Yes well we cannot all just sit goofing off all day. I have things to take care of, and this is taking longer than I had expected." I cut looking at Emma who hopefully catches my drift.

"Whoa, hey I'm sorry okay I just haven't spoken to Ruby and she was filing me in on a few things. I didn't know you guys were ready to order your food." She looks down at her menu, forehead creased.

"Well, being that this is a small town I do not see how we would need to study a menu that hasn't changed since I came here!" I hastily get up and excuse myself to the restroom.

Once inside I look at myself in the mirror. What was wrong with me? Why am I picking fights with her over such small things? I have no idea why I am here, and I seem to be doing a good job of messing things up right now. It's like I'm reverting back to who I was in the past, or it's something else that I cannot describe.

She can anger me so easily, get me wound up so quickly and has always been that way.

Initially I thought it was because she was trying to take Henry away from me. But now what is the reason to fight her? We were getting along fine. She is obviously not trying to take him away; she is even living under my roof for goodness sake. I think I just need some time by myself today. I need to get to the bottom of whatever is happening.

I wonder what Henry is up to for a brief moment, the older Henry, the real time Henry. I woke up today still being here which means I am still in a sleep of some sort. I hope he is okay. I know he is scared, and I have to make this right for him. I have to control whatever emotions I am having right now and figure out a way to get back to him, and how to save Emma.

It bothers me a bit that I am unable to even think of Robin at this moment, but what am I to do? I cannot become distracted from why I am here, whatever that reason may be.

….

When I return to the table Henry is telling Emma about Mary Margaret. That definitely peaks my interest.

"She is my teacher at school. She's also in the book…" he gets quiet when he sees me approaching.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." I look to both of them, Henry looks like he's trying to hide something, which I know he is, and Emma looks indifferent.

Her look bothers me; I thought for sure that she would be upset with me for what I said earlier.

Either way I know I need to apologize if I want things to work between the 3 of us.

"I am sorry about earlier. I may have been rude and abrupt, and I would like to just like to.. say.. that it's not very easy for me. This whole situation is not something I am used to so if you two will bear with me." I stammer a bit, but only because I really want to make this work.

I see them look at eachother, as if weighing out what I have just said. It makes me more nervous. So nervous that I look down so I don't have to see their reaction much longer.

When I do look up I see them both smirk at eachother, their faces identical. And then Henry begins, "It's okay mom, I get it, but I think you need to make it up to us."

He has his serious face on, and I am listening very closely.

"Yeah that's right… and the only you can do that is by getting us 2 chocolate milkshakes!" Emma says, now a full out grin with Henry nodding next to her.

I physically deflate as I exhale. They actually had me going there for a minute. But I'll get the back.

"Oh how nice of you two to let me make it up to you. Even though Ms. Swan here was supposedly treating this breakfast since she is the one who helped you to destroy my kitchen this morning." They both sink a little in their seats, and I know I've got them right where I want them.

"But of course I'll treat for the milkshakes, not the meal, and I am sure you both will work it off when you are walking back home!" I close my menu as I say this and call the waiter over to take our orders.

I order with a large smile on my face, which I am sure has the waiter feeling rather nervous since I know I was hardly in a good mood back before the curse broke.

Once the other two have ordered we are back to silence.

I look over to Henry, "So Henry you were talking about your teacher earlier? How is she, how are you doing in school?"

"Oh doing really good, I was just telling Emma about her. I thought she would like to meet her." I know I am making him nervous, especially since I know that he is the one that brought them back together.

"Oh that's nice. She's not really a very interesting person, but have you met her yet?" I look to Emma and see her nod no.

"Actually Ruby was just telling me that she was looking for a roommate. She thought that since I was looking for a place that maybe I would want to stay with her." She mentions while playing with her utensils.

"Oh I see, well I suppose that is good for you then. I know that our home wasn't exactly what you were expecting anyway." As I say this I see Henry sadly nodding in agreement.

"Actually I told her thanks, but I have already found a place." She smiles at me then, and I try to hide my happiness at her answer. But Henry doesn't feel the need as he is literally beaming at her.


	11. Chapter 10

**A quick thanks to everyone who has responded to this story, I hope you enjoy it and please leave some feedback, I'd love to know what you think. Enjoy :)**

Chapter 10

Several weeks have passed. Weeks of sleeping and waking up in the same place; a place in the past.

A place that is completely familiar to me but also completely foreign.

It was hard at first to try and remember what I had been doing during this time, with the city planning, with Henry's school, and with Emma Swan.

After that day at the diner things took a turn for the better. A sort of truce was in place since I had made that apology and things have been pretty friendly, and actually a little mundane for my taste.

The first time Emma had come clawing into my town it was all new and dangerous and exhilarating. I will admit to myself that I enjoyed the new sparring opponent, especially after 28 years of controlling everyone and having no kind of opposition.

Ofcourse it is quite an exhilarating feeling to transport a whole town of people into this new setting, and to control their every move. But it does get quite boring, especially when you cannot even gloat at the fact that you accomplished so much. The people inhibiting the town didn't even know what I did which was good, but I liked feeling powerful and if they had known what I had done but had no control over it, it would have made me all the more powerful.

But in the end what did I really accomplish? Killing my father, the only person I truly loved; losing my son for a period of time? Yes things like this will certainly change you, and I will not make that same mistake twice. I will not lose my son since it is too late to save my father.

There is just one problem. How can I redeem myself to Henry and also be truthful with him? I know he is a mature young boy, but how do I know that he will be able to handle this? And how would we be able to break the curse this time, without going through the turmoil of the first time.

I will not be letting my son eat that apple turnover and stand by and hope that Emma can bring him back.

I know that together we have to power of true love, in our love for Henry.

But how can we do it? We have to break that damn curse because if we do not then I don't know what future lies ahead for all of us.

I have been able to do some research about this time warp a bit, but there isn't much information. I see spells that can help me to figure out how to get back, or find the answers as to why I am here. But without magic it's useless. I need to break this curse, but only the savior is fated to break it.

Have I already changed too much? Have I taken away the drive that Emma had to fight me, be in Henry's life and inadvertently break the curse?

I needed to talk to someone; I needed someone who would ultimately see what was happening without judgmental eyes. And there was no way that I am speaking to Gold about this so that just leaves Henry.

He and I have gotten so much closer these past weeks. We have been enjoying our meals again, and even Emma has started helping in the kitchen; under my direct supervision only, of course.

It has been nice having Henry start to trust me again at this age, and thank goodness he has been so good because it has allowed him to be a buffer for Emma and I.

There is an undercurrent between us that I do not understand. Anytime we are alone in a room together I start to feel this anxiety take over. My palms start to sweat, my throat goes dry, and I am hyperaware of her all around me. It is the most disorienting feeling, and I do not know if she can feel it as well but I have managed to avoid eye contact so I wouldn't even be able to see if she felt it too.

In a land that doesn't have magic yet, it feels like there is magic all around us when we are close to each other. I guess it would make sense though, since we have combined our magic to do some incredible things.

But that was after the curse broke, and under dire circumstances. We didn't even know we could combine our magic until we had no other choice.

Maybe that is the connection I feel to her. It's because of our love for Henry and our eventual ability to combine our magic.

As I sit at my home office, I glance out the window just as I see Henry running into the house. Its Saturday, but this time I made the breakfast and he and Emma have been out front since then playing with some of his toys.

I see Henry enter my office and smile as he approaches me.

"Henry make sure you drink lots of water ok? I can see you are wearing yourself out a bit, and you need to stay hydrated." I tell him, while wiping his wild hair down, his cheeks red from playing outside.

"Okay mom, would it be okay to go with Ms. Blanchard to the hospital? She mentioned some of the other kids volunteering to help and I thought it might be fun. She actually is outside talking to Emma right now…" He's still talking and I turn away and walk to the window to see for myself.

"Sure honey, but what is she doing here?" I ask as casually as I can. I can see them outside the window and I start to feel guilty.

I wonder for a second how I would feel if I was made to believe that Henry was a stranger to me? I couldn't even fathom it. Just knowing that I am keeping those two apart, that I was even able to go through with it and pretend for so long the first time; I really was a monster. Maybe I still am? Can a person ever really change?

"Mom are you okay?" I feel Henry grab my hand and see the concern in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just was distracted for a minute." I turn back to him and try to smile but I know he can see the sorrow in my eyes.

"I was just saying that Ms. Blanchard said she was walking to the hospital and since she saw us outside she decided to ask if I wanted to join her, but it's okay. I can stay…" I see him looking outside and then at me again.

It's so nice that he is able to really see me again, that he no longer thinks me a monster eventhough I have yet to explain myself to him.

He may have his doubts about me, especially with that book and the picture it paints, but he has really given me the benefit of the doubt this week. And for that I am truly grateful.

"Oh no, you can go but first I need to speak to Ms. Blanchard to make sure it is ok. Why don't you go and grab a light sweater and some water to take with you and meet us outside." I slowly take his hand in mine again smiling at him as I look him in the eye.

"If you're sure…?" he asks, and I nod to him, my smile growing with him showing such concern.

Its then that I decide that I will talk to him about what is happening; whether or not he believes me I need to atleast try. I do not know how long I am stuck here, but I need to do something.

….

As I walk outside I hear Mary Margaret telling Emma what a good boy Henry is. She is telling Emma that he has such a great imagination, and that's why she gave him the book.

"I am also glad to see him happy again, it had been a while and maybe that's because you are here…" I hear her say and then suck in a deep breath when she sees me walk out towards them just as she finishes saying it.

Normally I would retort rather rudely to her, but this time I just hold my tongue because I know that she is right.

"Well hello Ms. Blanchard. Henry was just saying that some other children were going to help out at the hospital today?" I ask her and I look directly at her, my hand instinctively folding in front of my chest defensively.

"Mmhmm.. yes, hello Madam Mayor, I was walking there and saw Henry and Emma outside so I decided to pop by and say hi. Henry talks about you all the time." She then gestures to Emma.

Emma just smiles a bit tight lipped sensing the obvious tension.

"I see. Well Henry is certainly very taken with Em… Ms. Swan. It seems they have very similar interests." I say as I gesture to the toys scattered around the front lawn, and the remote control in Emma's hand.

This makes Emma look down and blush, and her reaction makes me smile.

"I think he is just happy to have someone he can finally relate to." Mary Margaret's says, and then realizes what she's implied and immediately puts her hand over her mouth. Even though I know she can be a blubbering fool, it still hurts that she could say such a thing.

Emma immediately looks at me, and must see the hurt that runs through my eyes before I straighten my back and am about to say something.

"Actually Regina here is great with Henry. He's a very lucky kid who has everything he could possibly want. Trust me I have seen it first hand, they just relate on a more intellectual level, you know like books, and fine cuisine…" as Emma is finishing she looks at me playfully, and smirks.

Evenhough what Mary Margaret said bothers me I can't help but reply, "While I hardly call it fine cuisine, I agree that we both have an appreciation of food that has not been completely burnt." I reply back and it's as though Mary Margaret isn't even there as we have our own private conversation with our eyes.

Mine; thanking her for changing the subject and hers having a playful gleam.

"Well some people would probably just look at the effort put forth and not the finished product…" She retorts, and I can't help but step a little closer, getting into her space.

"Very true, but isn't it all the better when the actual end product is edible." I slowly lick my lips that feel so dry all of a sudden, and I see her eyes glance down to them.

"Well if you had actually tried just a little taste..." She smirks and leans a little closer to me as well, her voice taking a deeper tone.

I swallow and inch a little closer staring straight into her eyes.

"Hey mom, do you think I could also go with them to the Diner afterwards…. pretty please." Henry shouts running out of the house, and that's when I realize how close to Emma I was. I take a large step back, slowly running my fingers through my short hair for a minute.

When I look up I see that both Emma and Mary Margaret are flushed in the face.

"Yes Henry that will be fine as long as you are home before sundown and only if it's alright with Ms. Blanchard." Then I turn looking towards her.

She shifts uncomfortably at my stare and stutters out, "Oh yes, that's totally fine. Okay let's go Henry." She quickly ads looking back and forth between Emma and I while stepping out onto the sidewalk turning around, "Oh, and it was nice seeing you Emma." She smiles, and just nods her head towards me.

As Henry passes me I quickly realize I haven't given him any money for the Diner.

"Oh wait Henry, let me get you some money for dinner." I turn to walk away when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"That's alright, I've got it." Emma says to me as she gently squeezes my shoulder, acting as if this is completely normal.

"It's no bother, I can just run in." I find myself saying to her.

She then takes out cash from her back pocket and hands it over to Henry.

"Have fun kid, and be good for Ms. Blanchard okay? Don't stray from the group at all, even in the hospital. And if you need anything your mother and I will be home." She says looking at him very seriously.

It is not lost on me how easily that falls from her mouth and how she doesn't even realize how domestic it sounds; like the three of us are a real family.

He quickly nods, "Ok bye mom, bye Emma." And he's off, not even glancing back at us as he catches up with Mary Margaret.

As we both watch him cross the street with her I can't help but glance to the side to see worry etched on Emma's face. It's then that I realize that she is still new to all of this. And I know exactly how she feels.

I gently and awkwardly place my hand over the one she still has on my shoulder tapping it a bit.

"I would say it gets easier, but there is always going to be this fear in the back of your mind that something might happen to him. But don't worry, Snow.. uh Mary Margaret will not let anything happen to him. As much as I may dislike her, she will watch over him." I tell her, knowing I slipped up a bit but I don't think she caught it.

I don't even know if she hears me because she just stares off to the direction that Henry went.

I see that she is not really paying attention to me, but I don't want to leave her alone in this moment so I take a seat on the steps.

I liked the playful banter between us earlier; I have never really had that before. She was not bad mouthing me, nor taking Mary Margaret's side, but actually trying to defend me to her which is something I am just not used to.

Although this is not the first time that Emma has had to make her parents see that I am no just some monster; that was after some time together. Especially after what happened with Pan.

But I didn't have to prove myself to her this time. She has just accepted me for who I am, or atleast who she thinks I am.

I am just grateful to finally have someone 'have my back' as I'm sure Emma would put it. It felt good to not have to defend myself to anyone in this alternate universe, not yet atleast. But it felt good to think that maybe I would never have to defend myself or my actions to the savior. Something I have had to do too many times.

I look up to see that she has taken a seat next to me.

She is looking at me, and smiles. I smile back, but questioningly.

"Are you alright, you seemed to drift off for a few minutes?"

"Thank you for giving me some time to process my emotions, and also knowing what to say. This whole thing with Henry is all so new, and I am so protective of him, even more than myself." She says, turning on the step to fully face me now and sitting with her legs crossed.

"I should be thanking your for what you said to Ms. Blanchard. Some people just do not think of others feelings when they say things." I slowly shake my head.

"Says the Mayor who regularly scares the townspeople with a single raise of an eyebrow." She says laughing to herself.

"Well atleast I am not saying such hurtful things, I am merely giving a pointed look." I tell her, giving her that pointed look.

"Oh yeah, your nonverbal cues are far worse than anything you could say. And the body language, don't get me started on that…" She says sizing me up.

I start to feel hot under her gaze, and quickly reply, "I have no clue what you are insinuating Ms. Swan!" as I stand and walk back into my house and into my office knowing full well that she was watching me the entire time.

As I sit at my desk I cannot help the smile on my face. This must be what having a real friend feels like, the playful banter, and someone defending me. I have never had that before and maybe that's why I am feeling this way. It's freeing to have someone whom I do not have to put my guard up around.

After weeks of worrying about what lies ahead, I am deciding here and now to embrace this new friendship with Emma fully, no more holding back.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It's been an hour; an hour of me pretending to work in my office while I hear Emma all over the house. I swear she is just as bad as Henry when he is trying to find something to do whilst I work on the weekends.

I heard the television on for a bit, and then I heard cabinets open and close in the kitchen. I heard her run up and down the stairs a few times as well. She has been staying in the guest room across the hall from Henry, but she doesn't have much there. She had driven to Boston last week to tie up some loose ends, and pack up her place, but when she only returned with a few boxes I really did not question her.

She started training with Grahams a few weeks ago, happy to take the job of Deputy. And things are starting to fall into place for her.

I figure that since I have yet to do any real work I might as well see what she is up to since I have not heard her in the last few minutes.

As I round the corner to the living room I can hear her whispering on the phone. I know I shouldn't but I cannot help it as curiosity wins out and I try to listen to what she is saying.

"No you wouldn't get it… it feels like nothing I have felt before. I couldn't even explain it. No you and I have talked about this. Yes I know. I know and with Henry things are even more complicated…" his name only piques my interest even more. I inch closer behind the couch, standing next the end table near the doorway.

"You know that hot feeling before you.. well you know. That heat, oh yeah, yep you know what I am saying. Now just imagine that without any of that other stuff. Oh my god I can't believe I am telling you this over the phone Ruby." I had felt my heart quicken at Emma's voice, and the way she was whispering only made it more breathy. But as soon as I heard Ruby's name I jumped back and effectively knocked over a vase on the table, and it shattered on the floor.

Emma jumped up quickly turned around and I was caught like a deer in headlights.

I was about to turn and retreat when Emma stopped me.

"Hey Rubes, sorry I gotta go.. yah I know I'm sorry to cut you off but I gotta go. Ok bye." She clicked off her phone and is still staring at me.

"I didn't mean to disturb you; I just wanted to know if you were hungry. But I can see you were busy, let me just get this cleaned up and I'll be in the kitchen." I turn again and try to retreat when Emma grabs my arm.

"Not so fast Regina, you are barefoot and there is broken glass like.. everywhere. Let me grab my boots real quick. Don't move!" Emma says to me as she hops in places like a rabbit until she is out of the danger zone and runs to grab her shoes.

"Emma I hardly think socks will keep you from getting cut as well. I am not a child, I have cleaned many of Henry's messes before." I say back, half yelling the last part since she is now in another room.

Yet I still stand there, like I am frozen in time and wait for her return.

"Oh come on Regina, let me take care of it. Haven't you cleaned up your share of messes already?" She asks me innocently when she returns with her hideous boots.

That was very thoughtful of her. If only she knew how many messes I have had to clean in my time. It's quite ironic that the savior is constantly trying to run to my rescue without even knowing she is destined to break my curse and bring me down.

"Am what am I to do? Just stand here like some damsel in distress? Oh how ever will I be able to get to the couch with all this scary dangerous glass?" I mimic how I think a helpless pathetic woman would sound, bringing both my hands to my mouth in the end to ad affect. "If only there was some strong man to come and rescue me." I say at the end.

She is just standing about 5 feet form me and looking so amused, and I then I see her come at me and before I know it, she has completely lifted me in the air and halfway over her shoulder. Then she carries me to the couch apposite to the one she was on and gently tilts me over until I am sitting.

"Me Tarzan you Jane." She says and then laughs at herself all the way to the supply closet where the brook and dustpan are.

"Well how very barbaric of you, I was pretending to need a prince, not some caveman." I say and I get a little more comfortable on the couch. Normally I would never let someone handle me like that but I know she was just having fun, and so I could not be angry if I wanted to.

"Oh come on Regina, you know that I was just kidding, plus who says you need a man. Period, You are definitely not some damsel in distress, but I still like to lay a helping hand when I can." She then comes back with her appropriate supplies and a very smug grin on her face.

"Oh I'm sure you do but you should probably only save said hands for Ms. Lucas." I say it and it starts out playful but as I say Ms. Lucas I cannot help but feel a sour taste in my mouth.

"What do you mean? What about Ruby? Oh my gosh did you hear our conversation on the phone earlier…?" She's asking me as she cleans up, but her voice does go a few octaves higher at the end.

"Well I may have entered the room at the tail end… and I must say I never thought you the type for, what is it called 'phone sexing'?" I say as lightly as I can, since we are friends isn't this what girls speak about?

She is quiet. And maybe I just ruined that fun friendly banter by saying something wrong. I swear, how is it so easy for other people to make friends? Am I that socially awkward that I cannot even joke with someone in my own home?

In the future Emma and I are friends, and we have been for some time even if neither of us would like to admit it. So why is it different here? I know we have been through more there, but I cannot shake the feeling that this friendship is so different. So much more emotionally charged. I decide to just ask her, because I am feeling more comfortable to ask, and maybe I just need to try harder.

"Have I said something wrong? I was just poking some fun, I did not mean to pry. Whatever is going on between the two of you is your business, although she wouldn't be my first choice, I thought we were developing a tentative friendship…" I know I should stop talking but I just do not know how to express to her that I have never done this before. I am embarrassed by the fact that I have never had a real true friend. The last friendship I had ended with a fairy losing her wings. I cannot tell her that.

"No its not you, you didn't do anything Regina. Let me just throw this out and you mentioned that you were hungry? Maybe we could meet in the kitchen and have a snack, and finally talk about a few things." She says as she is finishing getting most of the glass into the trash bag she had grabbed. I just nod and head to the kitchen.

I decided on sandwiches which was fast and easy. As I quickly assembled them I started to worry about us finally talking. I guess she had maybe noticed that I had been avoiding her over the last several weeks. Everytime her and I had been alone I had retreated to my room, or found an excuse to include Henry.

I had also encouraged Graham to give her more hours at the station since he had said she was doing very well.

…

Fifteen minutes later Emma and I were sitting across from each other in the kitchen, both staring down our cups of coffee.

"So… I guess I'll start. I have kind of noticed that you have been avoiding me. I also noticed you spending a lot of time with Henry which is totally cool, I mean he's your kid and all but I just feel like….." She looks so serious, her eyebrows scrunched together, her hands twisting, and just so different from earlier.

"Emma please, whatever you have to say, just say it. I know this may be awkward for the both of us, but I would like us to be able to talk to one another, if that's what you want. Especially since we are going to be in eachothers lives for who knows how long." I say it, but not in a mean tone, more desperate to have her crack a smile. My attempt at humor was lost on her as she was still focused on what she was trying to say.

I slowly reach across the table and untangle her hands. "Hey it is alright Emma, just say it, whatever it is." I pull my hand back and continue to sip my coffee.

"Okay, well, it's just that you were really kind to let me stay here but it seems like you don't really want me here. When Henry is not around you don't even talk to me, and when he is I feel like I am intruding on your special time with him. If you would like me to leave please just tell me, I mean I already emptied out my place, but I could call Mary Margaret and see if she still needs a roommate…"

"Emma stop right there. Just listen okay? I think things have gotten way out of control very shortly, and now I can see where you might think I want you to leave but please know that I truly do not." I cut her off before she could have finished her sentence. She thinks we do not want her here. All this time I've been worried about my own insecurities and did not realize the vibe I was projecting towards her.

"First of all, no one is asking you to leave. Like I said, Henry and I are glad that you are here. Yes I know that you and I got off to a very rough start. But I came to the realization last week that maybe this is where you are supposed to be. Here with us, and I know it doesn't make sense but maybe it will later." I know it's vague, but I cannot very well tell her that I need her to break the curse.

"I will admit that I have been avoiding you, but it is for a different reason. A reason that I am not used to being so open with others about which is probably why I have the issue in the first place… but if I am going to be honest with you then I hope you will listen and not judge what I have to say." I tell her, now really just talking more to myself in a way.

That's when she finally looks more determined and less nervous. "Regina, I know it's only been a short time that I've known you and Henry but you can tell me and trust that I will not judge you. Growing up the way I did, you kinda learn how to gage people. I know you are not only being truthful right now but doing something that doesn't come natural to you. I know how to read people and I will not judge you." She assures me.

"I don't know how to make friends…I have never had a real friend." I just kind of blurt it out. And as soon as I do I regret it.

That's when I decide to take a bite of my sandwich, in hopes to do something other than just sit there.

"Regina, look at me." She says very gently and when I do look up she is smiling at me. Not laughing but just smiling at me.

"Is that what this is about? You have been a better friend to me than anyone has been in a long time. Granted the time we have spent just you and I has been very short. But I feel this gravitation towards you. I tried to fight it at first, especially since you kept on getting me arrested, but even then, there was something there." she tells me earnestly and I can see such sincerity in her yes.

"I… are you sure? You feel the same?" I ask her.

"Well I don't know if it's exactly the same." She says looking down for a minute and tucking her hair behind her ears.

"What do you mean?" I ask, honestly not understanding what she means.

"Well it's a little complicated. But I just don't understand. I mean everyone in town knows you, and you are so put together. Do you not have time for friends? Once you open up a bit you are not as scary as you project. You are actually kind of like a Chihuahua. All bark and no bite." She says and smiles kind of like she's thinking it to herself but actually saying these things out loud.

"A Chihuahua? Really Ms. Swan. If you only knew of all the things I have done you wouldn't say that. I have ruled many people…." I stop as soon as I realize what I just said.

Now she's really trying hard to contain her laughter.

"Oh wow Regina calm down, I didn't mean to offend you, and I happen to really like Chihuahuas. And what's in your coffee? You make yourself sound like some crazy dictator instead of a Mayor of a small town. I'm just wondering how you don't have any friends, what with all of the social events you organize for the town and with Henry, aren't there any mothers at the school you are close with?"

I cannot take it. She is right about the social events and things, but I just cannot make small talk with the people in this town. I cannot tell her that I cursed them all and after the curse broke I was a social pariah. Always have been always will be. I was foolish to think she would understand.

I quickly stand and make my way to the door.

I hear the chair screech against the floor and Emma gets up and races behind me.

"Whoa whoa there, calm down. Please don't leave. I'm sorry I don't just don't understand how someone wouldn't want to know you." She says and turns me around both of her hands on my shoulders.

She's looking at me very closely.

"Well I guess it isn't as though I really try to make friends either. But you don't know what I've been through Emma. Or what I've done. I just thought you and I could have a chance this time. A chance at a better start, for Henry's sake, for all of our sakes." And I know I am saying too much and she doesn't know what I am talking about but there's just been so much pressure on me all these weeks.

"Hey it's going to be ok. Alright we will figure this out. But just know what I'm here for you. However you want me. I am here." She says this as she gets closer to my face; her hand slowly coming up to wipe the tear from my cheek.

"I shouldn't unload this on you, you wouldn't understand, and I don't know what I am feeling anymore. I just…" I say and close my eyes.

I lean into her hand a bit because even though I try to ignore it I always feel it when she touches me.

"It's okay. Really just try to breathe and relax, would it be okay to give you a hug?" She asks me and I nod yes, still keeping my eyes closed.

She then tentatively starts to put her arms around me. I just stand there and do not reciprocate at first. She hugs me around my waist instead of my shoulders and I realize that I have not hugged another adult, other than Robin in a very long time. More than that, usually Robin puts his arm around me but I don't know if I've ever been hugged quite like this.

She's slowly tightening her grip on me as her hands easily go around my waist and pull me close to her, and as she keeps pulling me closer I let out a deep breath. It's almost as though I deflate into the hug. So much tension being released and I finally raise my arms to go around her shoulders and up around her neck. If we were swaying you could say that we were intimately dancing with barely any space between us.

I tighten my grip and I inhale deeply, taking in her scent when I do. She smells like Henry does after being out in the yard, like fresh cut grass and a citrus coconut scent that must be her shampoo. It's all very intoxicating at the moment. And it feels so good, so safe to be here in this moment.

Her grip on me doesn't falter and neither does mine as I slowly rest my head against her shoulder. Her grip actually tightens when I do it, and I can feel her calm breath wash over me. I feel it down my neck, and when she inhales I know she is taking me in as I just did her.

We stand for another minute before I start to pull away, and she slowly detangles herself from me. But before I can fully pull out of her hold she holds her hands at my waist.

"I meant what I said Regina, I am here for you, however you want me to be." She whispers and she's looking at me and I feel lightheaded.

I don't know what she means by it at first, but then when I see her eyes flicker down to my lips I realize what she is implying. I internally begin to panic a bit, but try to keep my face neutral.

Did she want us to be more than friends? Did she think that I would want the same? I thought we were building a friendship but now I'm so unsure? It was all too much right now.

I see her slowly moving closer and just for a moment I hesitate in stopping her, wondering what it would be like to feel her lips on mine, but then I remember Ruby and their earlier conversation. How could she try this with me while still being with her?

I slowly pull back, and step out of her grasp. She looks a little hurt but her eyes are questioning more than anything else.

"Emma? What… what are you trying to do? What about Ms. Lucas?" I ask her, my voice betraying me as it quivers.

"I, I'm sorry I thought you wanted this too. I thought you said that you said you weren't sure how you felt about me. And why do you keep on bringing up Ruby?" the last part came out a bit irritated.

I go to sit back down and put some distance between us, and she follows and takes a seat as well.

"Well I am having some conflicting feelings but I was confused because I had never been really had a good friend. Whatever feelings I may have are for friendship Emma, I am sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. And I assumed that Ms. Lucas was your … partner?" I try to explain to her my reasoning but now she looks even more confused. "Is she not your partner?" I ask one more time for clarification.

Then I think she finally realizes what I am saying because she starts laughing to herself. I hardly think anything funny of this matter, but she almost looks slightly deranged and is very lowly talking to herself.

"So let me get this straight, for lack of a better word, you think that I was having phone sex with Ruby because you think that she's my girlfriend?" She asks me.

I slowly nod yes.

"Oh my… this can't be happening. Okay so we agreed earlier that we were going to be honest with each other. Right? So I am going to be brutally honest right now and hope that you don't hate me or kick me out after." She says, and I can see the nervous smile on her face, almost forced like she doesn't know whether to smile or throw up.

"I assure you Emma, as you have not judged me, I will not judge you, but just say it already." I am getting more impatient by the second.

"First of all, I am in no way dating Ruby Lucas. I met her when I got here and I needed a place to stay. She was really nice to me and instantly we had a connection. She was the first person who really befriended me, and when I was having issues with you and Henry I spoke to her about it. Does that answer your question?" She asks me and I can tell that she is holding back.

"Yes but that doesn't explain the conversation earlier, how she knew about your sexuality." I ask her.

"Oh.. kay. Yeah I wasn't having phone sex with her earlier, I was talking to her about how I feel about you."


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: I wanted to say a special thank you to LauratheChef for reviewing every single one of my chapters. Like a lot of you, I tend to get carried away reading and don't always leave reviews but they do make all the difference. Especially when I feel like maybe I wasn't cut out for this and want to give up.**

 **This is my first time ever posting a story and it has been a pretty scary experience. I have always appreciated all of the amazing writers on this site, and thought I would take a stab at it, but seeing your encouraging words has definitely made this experience a lot less scary.**

 **Okay I'll let you get back to reading now…. I hope you all enjoy it!**

Chapter 12

Confusion is what I am feeling right now. Yes I know that Emma was thinking about kissing me earlier but I thought that was more of a caught up in the moment type of thing and nothing more. I know that I am an attractive woman and have always used that to my advantage, and I definitely know what lust looks like. But this sounds like more than that.

I used to like the way that men and women alike would look at me and I loved feeling desired, but I realized early on that they weren't actually desiring me for who I am, but for how I looked and the power I held. Most of them wanted to take that power form me, or do horrid things to my body.

I realize that I was so lost in my thoughts that I haven't said anything since she uttered those words but I do not exactly know what to say.

I never expected this from her, actually I never expected to experience many of the things I have since I got here in this alternate universe of sorts.

Maybe it is just lust or she is confused about how she feels.

"Okay, well thank you for telling me this Emma, but I am still confused as I didn't fully hear what you and Ms. Lucas were speaking about but it sounded pretty… intense?" I ask her because I am honestly curious.

She puts her face in her hands and exhales loudly. I know I am making her more uncomfortable but I appreciate her trying.

"We do not have to continue this conversation if you are not comfortable. I am just trying to understand." I tell her hoping that she doesn't feel pressured. She is looking in my eyes to gage whether I am here to laugh or hurt her, so I try to convey as best I can that I truly just want to know how she really feels and comfort her.

"I am not used to just speaking about my feelings like this either Regina. And I do want to tell you but I am afraid it will change things between us. And I am just so happy to be able to spend time with Henry, I don't want to lose that." She tells me, and I understand even more now why she is hesitant.

She doesn't want to lose Henry and I certainly know how that feels, so I try to reassure her.

"I assure you Emma that it will not affect your time with Henry. I was not lying when I told you that I want us to be friends. And I will try my best to honor that. As long as what you tell me does not involve hurting Henry, all will be ok."

"I don't know about that Regina, you don't know that it will be okay once I say this but I am going to trust you now." She takes a deep breath and sits up straighter than before. I also perk up a bit and have to say she has my full attention. "I like you Regina. I like you as more than a friend, and you make me feel things that I have never felt before, as cliché as it sounds." She laughs to herself. "I have been sort of trying to fight it off for a while now, but ever since I moved in it has become harder. We have these moments and I kinda thought that maybe you felt it too. This thing between us." She finally says.

"What do you mean that ever since you moved in that it is harder? Did you feel this way before that?" I can't help but ask her because I need to know when her feelings changed. I need to know if it was something I did when I came back.

"The feelings intensified when I moved in, but if I am honest they have been there since the first day." She says and then looks out the window. "That night on the porch when you came running out of your house I swear I felt something stir inside of me, it felt so right to just be there and witness you in that moment, I don't even think I can fully explain it."

I don't believe what she is telling me. I have never had any clue that she felt this way before; especially with all the time we have spent together over the years. I need to know when or what happened to make her pursue it this time.

What have I done to our future?

"Emma, if you don't mind me asking, when did you know for sure that you felt this way. You can be attracted to many people over time, and I am not at all trying to downplay your feelings but I need to know what changed. Why now?" I ask her and I know she doesn't fully understand my question. I wish I could talk to future Emma right now. I wish she had said something.

Although I do not know if it would have changed anything between us, on second thought it could have made me use her feelings against her. But I'm not that person any longer.

"Well I saw how much you loved Henry that first day, I saw how protective you were and also how crushed you were when you realized that he had left town and even stole his teachers credit card. I saw the hurt on your face, and it made me want to be there for you. And you raised my son into this amazing kid, how could I not?" She looks up as she says this part, her eyes sparkling at me.

"So you felt this way from the first time we met?" I say this more to myself than to her.

"I was never planning on acting on it; I mean you really kind of drove me insane. It was actually Ruby who helped me to realize that I was fighting you so hard because of how I felt about you. I had decided that I was going to give up and just move on, but it was so hard, especially that day when you invited me to the diner for dinner with you and Henry. After that I pretty much knew for sure." She explains and it's hard not to feel something deep in my chest. I felt anxious and suddenly sick to my stomach.

"Knew what?" I ask very lowly, not even sure if she heard me.

"That I was falling for you." She says with a small sad smile.

"Emma… this… us… I need some time to think this all through, but I appreciate so much that you told me all of this." I try to show her with my eyes that I really did appreciate it, but right now I feel sick to my stomach.

"Do you want me to leave? Can I atleast say bye to Henry first?" All of a sudden she has a mask of indifference on and I am surprised at how quickly she has changed.

Then I remember that she is used to being disposed of, as a child she never had a home.

"Emma no. You are welcome to stay here, I am not kicking you out, and I just need some time to process this. I need to go to my room, but do not think that you have to leave." I say as I get up and make my way up the stairs.

As soon as I get to my bedroom I close the door and run to the restroom.

I hunch over the toilet in an attempt to throw up but nothing comes up.

It feels like my organs in my stomach are twisting and turning. I go to the sink and drink some water. Then I head to the bed and lie down.

How do we proceed from here?

I never thought that Emma had any kind of feelings for me, and now this.

Can I still pursue a friendship with her when she feels this way? Is it even fair to her?

I have Robin to think about as well. And then there's Hook, whom I cannot stand but he and Emma are together in the future.

I have to tell her that there is no chance for us, but how? I do not want to hurt her, but what else can I do?

I will not hurt Henry again by having us at odds. I cannot hurt him and have him hate me again.

Suddenly that sharp pain comes back. Why is this hurting so much? What is happening to me?

I try to stand to go back into the bathroom and get some pain pills. But the pain is too excruciating. I can barely move.

Panicking I start to yell because I cannot contain it. I yell for Emma and hope that she did not leave the house. I know my cell phone is downstairs in my office.

I feel myself start to pass out but the pain is so bad that it won't let me.

I twist into a ball and I am reminded of the times that mother used to whip me. Or the times she would use her magic on me so that internally I was in agony but there was no physical proof on the outside.

Maybe this is what I deserve, to be punished for ruining so many lives for so many years, only to have the chance to do it all over again, starting with Emma.

How could I tell her that I wasn't the one for her? Would she believe me if I told her the truth.

Another bout of twisting ensues and I scream out again, my vision clouded by tears.

I try to slow my breathing, and calm myself like I did as a child.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Still the pain continues to intensify.

I close my eyes tightly and try to make sense of it all. 'It's too much, its all too much'I think to myself and then I her Henry's voice, he's telling me that it's okay. He's saying to stay strong and hold on. I can almost feel someone stroking my face.

I don't dare open my eyes, I just whisper, "Henry? Is that you? How?"

"Yeah mom its really me." He says just as lightly.

"Oh Henry's I've ruined everything. I just wanted to help." I tell him, crying now.

"It's okay mom, you are okay, just calm down. Just breathe, like you taught me when I was little and I was scared or in pain. It will be over soon, don't give in, we will be together soon…" I hear his voice slipping further away.

"No Henry! Come back, don't leave me." Eyes still closed, I reach out to him and he takes my hand.

"I tried sweetheart, I tried to fix things but I don't think I can." I tell him, and I feel a hand caressing my face, my hair.

"Regina? Regina, wake up please. What's wrong?" This time I hear Emma's voice.

"Emma? Oh Emma, did they do it? How did they save you? Can they save me too?" I ask her but now I don't know where I am. It's like I'm falling and the twisting starts again.

It's too much, I can't take the pain, and I can't stand this anymore.

…..

I start to stir and feel someone shift with me.

I feel very warm, almost like I am cocooned and as I open my eyes I see that it's dark outside; the curtains still being open.

I lift my head to see who is behind me and my head throbs so I slam it back down on the pillow.

I am still curled up in the middle of my bed.

I am being held completely from behind. The person behind me is encircling my body which includes my arms. It is not uncomfortable but I need to move so I slowly pull my hands away. As I pull them away he me pulls me closer, instinctively towards him.

Robin must have been worried sick about me, and I am glad to be back, back in his arms.

When I heard Henry's voice earlier I knew that I was back, back to the present time.

They must have worked hard to get the darkness out because I feel sore even as I lie still.

I open my eyes and try to adjust them.

It's still too dark and with my head throbbing I decide to keep them closed and just enjoy the feeling, this security. There will be time later to ask questions.

I scoot further into him as I fall back asleep.

…

I can feel a draft, and I know that Robin has left the window open. He has done it a few times before, always saying it's too warm but I think it's because he spent so much time out in the woods.

I snuggle a little further into him and his hands start to slowly move against mine. He's warming me up unconsciously like he can sense I'm cold. We are so in sync even when he is asleep.

I must admit that I have missed this contact especially after so many weeks of being alone after just getting him back. At this moment I do not care that he had upset me. I just want to feel safe and loved. I want him to take away all the hurt and pain. I want him to make me forget.

"Robin" I whisper as I slowly start to move a bit, against him.

He says nothing so I take his hands and bring them under my shirt; I just want to feel his skin.

He responds immediately by moaning in my ear, his hands taking on a life of their own, rubbing across my stomach and heading upwards.

"Oh how I missed you, I am sorry my love that I was so cross with you. I just want us to be okay." I tell him.

I feel him starting to stir awake, and feel his hands exploring my chest.

He's being so gentle and it is making me feel warmer. His hands feel like fire blazing across my body and I feel those sparks again.

My mind flashes to Emma, and how it felt when she touched my face. She felt so warm too, and when she hugged me earlier I felt safe in her arms too. Before I can stop myself I moan out her name.

I feel him start to move his hands away from me and I know I've messed up. But I don't want him to stop and I definitely do not want to think of Emma right now.

I want to forget her; I want to forget it all. I want him to make me his again.

"Don't stop, I just need to feel something real. Make me feel real again, make me feel alive, I'm so lost." I whisper the last part.

"Shhhh" He whispers, tying to sooth me.

I take his hand and lead it lower, down into my pants and underwear. I need to feel him everywhere at once; I need to feel him inside me.

He doesn't move his hand, but he doesn't explore me further. He just keeps his hand there and brings his other heart to my chest, to my heart and holds it there.

We stay like that for a minute until I become restless and a little frantic.

"Do you no longer want me? Can we just go back, back to before Marian, before Zelena? Even if its only for tonight." I beg of him.

"Shhhhh" He says and takes his hand out of my pants and slowly turns me to face him.

Ever so slowly he brings his hand to my cheek and rubs it.

I feel for his shirt and pull him into a kiss.

It's slow and unsure, like he's never done this before. He feels different against me. Softer and warmer than I am used to, but in this moment it feels glorious. I feel precious to him.

I bring both of my hands to his face and caress his cheeks and that's when I feel it. The softness is jarring and I immediately open my eyes. The room is completely encompassed into darkness but I know for sure that this is not Robin in front of me.

I bring my hands back and I pull back and try to rub the sleep from my eyes.

I blink again and try to make out what is happening.

Robin was here, I know he was, I could feel him.

"Regina?" She says my name and it's shocking but electrifying at the same time.

We are pressed so closely together and her breath is mingling with mine.

As my eyes adjust I see that her face is flushed with a small hopeful smile on her lips.

She pulls me a little closer, "I think you were talking in your sleep, are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't stop you sooner but I came in earlier and you were thrashing in your sleep so I came to try to hold you in place and it seemed to calm you. I must have fallen asleep. I wasn't fully awake when we started…." She looks away then, and then down to my chest, flushing a little more. "I promise I wouldn't have taken it any further but that kiss took me by surprise." She's looking at me with so much devotion and I am still confused.

I know Robin was with me, and I definitely know that I heard Henry earlier.

"I…I'm sorry for this. I don't know what came over me. Is Henry okay? How late is it?" I ask.

" I called Ruby earlier at the Diner and asked if she could watch him for the night. I was worried about you and didn't want him to see you this way." she slowly brushes some invisible hair from my face.

"What happened? Are you still in pain, is there anything I can get or do for you?" She is so concerned and there is something she's not saying but I can see her first concern is my wellbeing.

"Oh yes, this happens sometimes, I have some abdominal….issues." I lie and know it sounds farfetched but I do not know what else to say. "Can you please get me my painkillers from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom?"

She quickly nods and unlatches herself from me.

As soon as she is gone I feel cold. I feel so alone again. And I try to piece together what has happened.

I know that I heard Henry for sure; I know they are still working on me; it's the only reason I can think of for still being here.

But what about Robin? It felt so good to be held, to feel loved again.

But was it really him or was it Emma all along?

That kiss, I know that kiss was all Emma. Even if we never did it before I know it was her. It was different from Robin, but not at all bad, just different.

It was like she was trying to memorize me with that kiss, trying to savour every second of it, and not just rush into more than that.

Robin and I were always rushing into things, trying to fight our attraction and trying to deny ourselves. Especially after Marian returned. That night in my crypt under the cemetery when we made love it was so passionate, but it just felt wrong after. I felt like the other woman afterwards and then I realized that with Marian I was the other woman, soul mate or not.

Even now I am the other woman in his life.

It makes me sick to my stomach again. I hear Emma approach me slowly.

"Is it hurting again? Here take this." she hands me a pain pill and a bottle of water. She must have gone down to retrieve it without me even knowing, too lost in my own thoughts.

I sit up and run my fingers through my hair, "Thank you so much Emma, for everything, especially for staying with me." I take the bottle and pill.

Once I've finished I reach to the nightstand to put it down and she quickly takes it form me, laying it on the table.

She kneels in front of me near the bed, bringing her down to my eye level. "Of course. Where else would I be? I was so scared when I found you like that, I didn't know what to do." She looks down.

"It seems to me that you knew exactly what to do." I smile at her and I cannot contain the feeling that overwhelms me in that moment.

She smiles back at me and it's bashful and beautiful and I just want to kiss her again. Feel what she made me feel earlier. Safe and loved.

It hits me like a ton of bricks. This feeling that takes over and warms me from head to toe.

I lean forward, and so does she.

I look down to her lips; lips that were on mine not too long ago. And I pull in a little closer. So does she, but there's a moment of hesitation in her eyes, so I look back questioningly.

She then slowly moves her face to the side and catches the side of my lip closer to my cheek and then pulls back looking at me.

Taking my hands in hers she says, "You have no idea how much I want you. How hard it was to stop earlier, especially when you took my hand…" she trails off and I know she's talking about.

I flush at the memory of what I now know was not Robin.

"No please don't be embarrassed. You are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever met. And did I want to continue, God yes I did. But not like this Regina. You are obviously going through something and I want to be here for you. I would never take advantage of you like that. You seemed confused, talking about people and things I know nothing about." She says this and all I can think about is that she had her chance. She could have had me, my body and she didn't.

"Its pretty late and you should probably get some more rest. I'm not going anywhere, I'll just be down the hall if you need me. And maybe whenever you are up to it we can talk about it." She's smiling at me and I nod for a moment.

How can she be so okay with this? Especially after confessing such feelings this must be torturous for her. She is every bit the savior she was prophesized to be, and I see it wholly now when she has no idea who she is, yet her future self still shines through.

I want to reach out for her, my body willing me to, but I hesitate, I cannot because I have others to think about. I have her future self to think about.

But it's too hard to see her walk away tonight, after all that has happened.

She stands and makes her way to the door, and I don't want her to leave, not tonight. I don't want to be alone.

"Emma wait…I don't know how to tell you… Thank you Emma, for being so understanding." She turns towards just nods at me as I continue. "I would completely understand if you are not confortable but I just… I don't want to be alone tonight. Would you stay with me?"

She heads back to me and kneels in front of me again. "Yes, I think I can do that." She smiles at me and I'm glad that it seems lighter than the heavy atmosphere before. "Just let me get cleaned up and changed and ill be over." She then turns again and is out the door.

I also get cleaned up and changed into more suitable sleepwear.

As I wait up for her I think that this day turned out so different from what I expected, but maybe I wouldn't have to do it alone anymore.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

A few days have passed since the incident in the bed, since Emma confessed her feelings for me, since I kissed her.

I awoke before her that next morning and found that I was holding onto her from behind. It was nothing too intimate, just my arm draped over her, but when I had fallen asleep I had been facing the opposite direction.

I guess we really cannot control what we do in our sleep or how we feel.

I felt happy waking up to someone beside me. It was a pleasant change from always having to wake up alone.

I used to love when Henry would ask to sleep with me, feeling his little body next to mine, holding onto to me tight. That's when I felt he needed me most, and loved me the most.

Nowadays it isn't enough to know that I am loved; I also want to feel it. That all-encompassing love that you feel deep within yourself, that carefree love that makes you smile at random times of the day just thinking about the person; that passionate love that makes it so you cannot live or breathe without them. I thought I had that with Robin for a very brief time but I wonder if we could ever have that again. With everything going on I just don't know if what we have is enough.

I think back to that morning with Emma and it pains me that I rarely had the chance to even wake up with Robin like that.

*Flashback*

 _The phone is ringing somewhere but I just feel so warm and comfortable. I try to ignore It as I snuggle deeper into my bed and try to fall back to sleep._

 _It goes off again, this time I remember that Henry didn't come home last night and worry hits me. I lean over to my nightstand behind me and grab for my phone. It's not there. it's then that I remember that I left it downstairs last night._

 _I turn back around and that's when I'm met with long blond hair._

 _She is so close to me, and I see the she is asleep on my left arm, and that I was hugging her with my right._

 _I think she's still asleep so I gently try to remove my arm from under her, once I finish that I try to reach over her to the nightstand on her side of the bed to grab her phone._

 _Of course as I am slowly reaching over her the phone rings again and this time it does wake her up and she shoots up in bed and bumps right into me, and I end up lying directly on top of her._

 _At first she looks shocked, but then she just looks confused, I don't think she even realizes that she is gripping my hips._

 _"_ _Good morning Regina." She husks out a slow smile starting on her face._

 _I don't know what to do or say as I hold my upper body up by my hands that are on either side of her face._

 _I cannot fail to feel the sensations taking over my body, heat starting to rise in me._

 _"_ _I was just trying to reach for your phone." I tell her but don't move at all. "I think it might be Henry."_

 _"_ _Well I had told him last night that we would meet him at the diner for breakfast around 10." She says glancing to the side to see the time. "Looks like we still have time since its only 8:30 right now."_

 _"_ _Oh, well I still don't think we should be…" I start saying embarrassed at the fact that I have yet to move off of her._

 _"_ _But it's so warm and cozy like this." She says innocently trying to snuggle a little closer with a radiant smile appearing on her face. She is definitely more affectionate in the morning; perhaps she is not fully awake._

 _I go to move off of her but she's holding onto me, "Emma please, I don't think it's right to be this close, especially with how you feel about me." I tell her feeling bad about it, but also trying to get up because my body feels like it's overheating._

 _"_ _I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, I would never try to take advantage of you Regina…" she's looking to the side now, her hands instantly off of my hips and I can see her eyes start to mist. She seems almost angry at herself for her actions._

 _The last thing I want to do is lead her on._

 _We both move at the same time and I know she doesn't mean to but her knee brushes between my legs as she tries to get up and I feel my body tingle and involuntarily grind into her._

 _I let out a breath and I know she can feel the heat coming off of me, I know she can feel my breath start to quicken._

 _Suddenly she halts all of her movements and starts to look deep into my eyes, and I see hope forming there._

 _I try to hide the blush that has risen on my face, but I know she can feel how much my body is responding to her._

 _"_ _Regina?" she whispers questioningly, like if she says it too loud it will ruin this moment. Her hand coming up to brush the hairs that drape around my face, looking deeper into my eyes._

 _"_ _Emma please…" I beg, but right now I don't know what for._

 _Her hand lightly pulls at the arms I was using to hold myself up and brings it me so that I am lying on top of her, her leg still situated between mine._

 _"_ _Do you feel it too? Is that why you are pulling away? Maybe you could give me a chance, give us a chance?" she says so low not that she would need to speak up with how close we are._

 _I feel it, I feel it all over but I can't tell her that, but then her hand is on my cheek again and she's looking at me as if I am the most precious thing in her world. I begin to think that maybe I am._

 _I don't know if her next move is intentional but she rubs her thigh against me and before I can control myself I close my eyes and let out a moan. My body taking over on its own as I slowly rock against her again. And all of sudden we are rocking together, our eyes penetrating eachother as our bodies start to acquaint themselves._

 _Even with our clothes on, even though we are not doing anything but rocking together; I am still getting more turned on than I thought I would as I slip my eyes closed, feeling guilty but not being able to stop. ._

 _My senses are overloaded and everywhere her hand touches leaves a trail of fire. She's rubbing my arms and my back and then she brings both hands up my to my face._

 _"_ _Please open your eyes." she says and as I do I see then questioning me._

 _"_ _I…" I try to speak but I can't, I try to fight what I am feeling but I can't, she just feels so good right now._

 _"_ _I don't know what this is Regina, but I am not going anywhere unless you ask me to. I don't know what happened last night, but that kiss… I don't know who Robin is, but I haven't seen anyone here for you since I moved in…" I wish she would have just stopped talking because as soon as she utters Robins name it feels like I've been hit with a cold bucket of ice._

 _That's when I find the strength to push her away. To pull myself away and put much needed distance between us. I look back at her and see the hurt in her eyes._

 _"_ _Emma I cannot do this, I am sorry I don't know what came over me. There is more going on than you could possibly understand and I didn't mean to take it so far. I really truly do want us to be friends but it can never be anything more than that." I say as I hastily get out of the bed, and try to calm my breathing._

 _"_ _But last night…?" she asks, and I know she doesn't deserve any lies but I just can't deal with this now. I don't even know what to tell her truthfully._

 _"_ _That kiss Emma, I'm sorry but that was a mistake. I was caught up in the moment and honestly did not realize it was even you. I was dreaming and I had no control over my actions, but that doesn't make it right, I know it doesn't but I do not want to give you false hope. So please try to understand…." I tell her, but not once meeting her eyes._

 _"_ _I think you are just scared Regina, and that's okay, but maybe we could figure it out together. I think we both felt it last night…" she says._

 _"_ _No Emma, it was not right. And I really need to get ready to go see Henry so if you will please just leave it alone." I say coldly and then walk into my restroom knowing that I didn't have to respond like that but I guess old habits die-hard._

*End flashback*

Ever since that morning things have been strained. They have been strained because I cannot go back to the way things were, even though it seems like she has.

Although I am the one who pushed her away and it seems to have worked I just cannot get the images out of my head. The images of her underneath me as our bodies felt in sync with one another.

We met Henry for breakfast and Emma was back to her normal self. She did not treat me bad, or even seem to remember what had happened between us. It was as though I had imagined the entire thing.

I seemed to be the only one who felt awkward and Henry even asked me a few times if something was wrong.

I said it was nothing, and I did see Emma looking at me contemplatively from time to time but she never acknowledged it and neither did I.

The only difference I noticed was that she tried not to be alone with me, and made a point of not touching me in any way, whether it was just brushing by me in the kitchen or passing me the salt at the dinner table. She avoided any type of physical contact with me. This was completely different from before where she would find any excuse to be near me, and I really didn't mind it because we had gotten so used to eachother over the years.

Although in the future, or was it present time? I didn't even know anymore… Emma was only ever affectionate with Henry. She was starting to become more affectionate with Hook as well but that came much later. She wasn't overtly affectionate with her parents either now that I think about it. It was so different to how she was here, but now that has changed as well.

It was making me more upset than it should, to the point where I wanted to shout or atleast have us at odds again just to feel something.

It really wasn't helping that I did not know how long I was stuck here and now that things were good with Henry I just felt that I no longer knew what my purpose was supposed to be. I had come to depend on those little moments we shared where we… flirted? But it was all in good fun, I never meant it to be anymore more or to lead her on, but then I guess I couldn't have it both ways. And it seemed like she didn't even care anymore anyway.

If Henry noticed he really didn't mention anything. But I sure felt it. I felt it in the house, I felt in everywhere. It was all I thought about.

There were a few times when I wanted to approach her about it, but I couldn't find the words.

More than once I caught her looking at me but when I did she just gave me a smile.

The one upside to Emma being around less is that it has allowed Henry and me to get even closer. So close that he has shown me the book and we have started talking about it.

I think he has opened up to me because he no longer thinks that I will hurt him or others. He thinks that Emma has helped to change me because she is the savior.

He is right, I have changed but it was for him and because of him, and because of all that we have gone through.

I think I may tell him today, the truth about everything since Emma will not be here as she took the later shift at the station today.

She and Graham have gotten a lot closer lately and she has gone out for drinks with him a few times.

I wasn't very surprised with Graham because I knew that he was attracted to her. He was the first time around and that hasn't changed this time, but since they have been working together I think that his feeling have intensified. I also haven't slept with him like I had been doing the first time around which is starting to seem like a bad idea since he now has his eyes set on her.

I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy controlling and sleeping with him, but it was more of an itch that needed scratching. He didn't provide anything but a romp whenever I needed it and I knew it was nothing more. He was just another toy to me, a boring one at that.

I wonder how she could ever find him interesting or want to spend time with him out of work. He was easy on the eyes that was for sure, but that's all he was. I wonder what they talk about while they are at the office, or at the bar. But then I guess it was my fault since I couldn't control myself and ended up pushing them closer together.

*Flashback*

 _On Monday I went to the Diner to grab a quick lunch and walked in on them laughing boisterously. As I walked by Graham just tilted his head at me and Emma looked the other way._

 _As I sat and ordered I could feel her looking at me but I did not one time turn my head towards her. I'll admit I was ashamed for how I had treated her, but I was also a little upset that she didn't even acknowledge me._

 _People knew that she was living in my home and she couldn't even say hello, she just continued on with her meal, the two of them as thick as thieves._

 _I had taken some work to look over during my meal but I did not read a single thing, too absorbed in what was happening behind me._

 _When Ruby came to refill my coffee she stood there for a minute and just looked at me._

 _"_ _Is there something I can help you with Ms. Lucas?" I ask her._

 _"_ _You know she can't wait for you forever." She says while cleaning up my table but taking her time._

 _"_ _I do not know what you are talking about Ms. Lucas, and I have done nothing wrong for that matter. I cannot help how I feel.. don't feel." I say because even though I don't want to acknowledge it, I feel I need someone to talk to and she seems to be better than my young son._

 _"_ _Is that why you barely ate your food, and you've been shuffling the papers in front of you but you haven't read a thing?" She asks, but there is no malice in her voice, and that's when I look up at her._

 _"_ _Look Madam Mayor, I have seen you in here for so long, but lately and especially since Emma came into town it seems like things are changing. And the three of you, when you are in here you seem very happy together. I'm not here to judge you." She continues and I cannot hold it in, I had been dying to speak to someone._

 _"_ _I just haven't been myself… and things had been going well, but then she told me how she feels and now.. I don't know" I tell her and she touches my hand comfortingly._

 _I smile at her, and as I do I see Emma from the corner of my eye starting at us._

 _"_ _Look, we can't talk here because of prying eyes." She gestures to Emma, and then gets a little closer to my face. "But there is someone already moving in on her, and he's not at all hard on the eyes."_

 _"_ _That boring bafoon!" I say it and quickly cover my mouth as Ruby laughs out loud._

 _It feels so nice to interact with someone else, and I really do need to talk to someone so I take a chance and hope that Ruby will accept. I haven't been the nicest person to her in the past and she is Snow's best friend, but maybe she will understand._

 _"_ _Ms. Lucas would you be free any evening? I know it is unusual to ask, and I understand if you would not feel comfortable but.." I tell her feeling silly for even asking._

 _"_ _Regina, please call me Ruby, and what is it?" she asks, but with a smile on her face._

 _"_ _Would you come to my place, I need to talk to someone, and I just don't have any…" I start to say._

 _"_ _Friends?" she finishes, and I look down and flush because she is right._

 _"_ _Hey look I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. Yes I'll come over say… Friday?" She says and I nod a yes as she saunters off, turning when she gets to the counter and says, "Later Regina." She winks, and I flush because it was in front of the other diners._

 _"_ _Thank you, Ruby" I say loud enough for everyone to hear, especially a blond who was pretending not to pay attention to me._

 _I'm feeling a little bold since I spoke to Ruby, and I can't help but to walk up to them as I see Graham leaning closer to Emma, and lightly touching her shoulder as he tells her something._

 _"_ _How was your meal?" I asked the two of them, and Graham looks shocked to see me and immediately removes his hand from Emma's shoulder._

 _I smirk because I'm glad I can still scare people here with the mere sound of my voice._

 _"_ _It was really good, how about you Emma?" Graham asked her, trying to get her to join in on the conversation._

 _"_ _Good." Was all she said and then finally looked up at Graham, "Actually really good, did you want to try some?" she asked him as he was taking a sip of his drink and her voice takes a sensual tone which causes him to start to choke, while I just couldn't believe that she would flirt like that in front of me._

 _What was she doing?_

 _"_ _Well I am glad you are enjoying it, especially since it will be your last. Mind telling me who is running the station while the Sheriff and Deputy and both here?" I asked looking at Graham again, and then to her incredulously._

 _"_ _Uh... Well... we usually take our lunches together since it's not very busy." Graham says looking up a bit angry, but knowing better than to talk back to me._

 _"_ _Yes well, regardless of how busy it is, someone needs to be there especially in the middle of the day. See to it that you either eat there or have someone manning the station at all times of the day." I say to him firmly, and look over to Emma who is just watching our exchange._

 _"_ _Yes Madam Mayor, I'll see to that." He says, taking out money to pay the bill._

 _"_ _And what time should I expect you home Ms. Swan?" I ask her, knowing I shouldn't especially in front of all of these people in the Diner._

 _"_ _I will be home in time for dinner with Henry." she syas looking at me and I know that I have struck a nerve._

 _It makes me feel thrilled to know that I have stuck something within her, to see her anger flare. She must know that I am just picking on them and is not happy about it._

 _"_ _Well see to it that you are not late, can't have our son waiting. And bring your appetite as it will be delicious." And with that I turn and walk away._

 _Once I reach my car I am out of breath and both angry and turned on._

 _It felt invigorating to tell Graham off and to also get on with Emma. She has always been a worthy opponent, although I don't know if I should have done that so brazenly in front of the other patrons._

 _I knew that I was angry at Graham for putting his hands on her, but why? It had been so long since I had taken that tone with anyone in town, and used my statue to bring someone else down but I just couldn't stand them sitting there that way._

 _I tried not to think much of it as my made my way back to work._

**End Flashback**

Now as I wait for Ruby I know that things have to get better somehow.


	15. Chapter 14

**Review Please! And also... Enjoy!**

Chapter 14

I pour myself a glass of cider as I wait for Ruby in my study.

Ever since that scene I caused at the diner they have gone out for drinks together after work, and I know I was the one to push them together.

It shouldn't bother me because I know that she needs someone but I don't know how this will affect the timeline.

Graham had died, and now that he was still alive would she even ever get with Hook? Was I supposed to kill him a second time? Could I do it?

I think back to why I had done it the first time, and although it had been a mistake at the time, I know that deep down I was glad that Emma couldn't have him. Now though things were different.

But did I want things to work out between them? I had no right to be upset this time, especially since I had Robin waiting for me. So why couldn't I just let it go?

I hear the doorbell ring and as I approach the door I start to feel apprehensive. I hope she will be able to help me.

As I open the door the first thing I see are long legs, and then as I make my way up to her face I see a large smile plastered on it.

"Well hello there Regina, glad you approve of my clothes." She says as she sways by me, and I flush at being caught. What was wrong with me?

I close the door and lead her into my study and close the study door.

"I'm sorry Ruby I wasn't trying to stare, would you like something to drink?" I offer, quickly trying to change the subject.

"Yeah sure, I'll have whatever you are having." She says as she situates herself on the sofa.

As I turn to grab her a glass I see that my hands are shaking, I am so nervous and lately it's like I cannot even control my body. All of these feeling overloading me.

I have never even remotely felt an attraction to Ms. Lucas, but seeing her in that shorter than short skirt and very revealing top did quicken my heart rate.

As I approach her I keep my eyes anywhere but at her body and hand the drink over to her.

"So, thank you for coming… I don't exactly know where to start." I say, finally looking into her eyes and seeing a knowing smile.

"Okay I'll start then." She says taking a long sip from the drink, practically finishing it and placing it on the coffee table.

I just sit and wait, glad that I was able to get Henry to bed so he couldn't listen in.

"I know something happened between you and Emma because she is all of a sudden acting like Graham is the most interesting person, and we both know that's not true. I actually thought you were pissed about her flirting with him because I could have sworn that the two of you have been sleeping together, but you kind of confirmed my suspicions at the Diner." She says and I am shocked that she is right about so many things.

"I confirmed it? How?" I ask her because I don't quite follow.

"Well, and please don't get mad at me, but the way you spoke to them before you walked out was kind of like you were staking claim over her, and making sure he knew who she was coming home to. I honestly thought you were jealous of Emma liking Graham at first." She says and then she's laughing, "But oh was I so wrong, and the look on their faces when you walked out." She says.

"Well it may not have been my best moment to lose control like that…" I say to her, "I honestly do not know what came over me. She has the ability to completely infuriate me but I am so drawn to it." I confess to her then, looking down.

"Hey its ok, like I told you before, I am not here to judge, I am actually surprised you invited me over." She tells me, and I wish I had spoken to her sooner. She is being so kind to me.

"Although I greatly appreciate you coming over I can't help but wonder why you did. Let's face it, I am not the most popular person here, and I have always been fine with that, but you could have laughed in my face and told me off." I tell her because I honestly cannot believe she is actually here.

"I probably would have to be honest, but lately you just seem different. You seem more emotional, but in a good way. And I know that Emma is my friend as well so I will not take sides, but I would like to be yours too." She genuinely tells me I feel my eyes mist up before I can control it, and before I know it she has brought me into a hug and it feels so nice to have someone.

I try to collect myself before I pull back and as she brushes the hairs from my face I lean into her touch a bit. Then I realize what I did and add some distance between us.

"I apologize for that, but if you only knew what I've been through lately. This whole thing with Emma was definitely unexpected and it has completely thrown me. It so very nice to just have someone other than Henry to talk to, especially about what I am feeling." I tell her.

"It's really not a problem, surprising? Yes, but definitely not a problem. So...do you have any food because I'm going to need something to go along with this strong ass drink?" she says, so I take her glass and refill it, and then lead her to the kitchen.

….

I take out some of the food I had made for dinner, Emma's favorite, lasagna, and start to heat it up for her.

I turn around as we wait and notice her eyes lingering on my body, and it instantly brings a flush to my face.

"Ruby, are you gay?" It's out of my mouth before I can stop myself, and I know I am feeling the cider, and need to slow down.

"Well you don't hold back, do you?" she smiles, and then clears her throat like she's nervous. "I'll admit that I don't have a preference, I enjoy both sexes, and I can appreciate the fine female form." She says looking at me from head to toe and it makes me blush harder.

"I see, well…I never knew, not that I have a problem, but do you have feeling for me too? I saw you looking at me earlier, and again right now. If you are here in hopes of taking me to bed then I am sorry…." I start to say and she's off of her chair and in front of me in a second.

"No, that's absolutely not why I am here. Do I find you attractive? Oh hell yes, but that's not why I am here. And I'm sorry this is just who I am, I enjoy flirting but I am not trying to have sex with you Regina." She finishes and she's standing right in front of me and holding my wrist.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Both of us turn to look and see Emma walk in, obvious anger on her face and we both pull apart.

"Oh hey Em, Rajina here just invited me over to hang out, and she was warming me up some of that delicious lasagna." She says, taking it out of the microwave and placing it on the table.

I still haven't said anything and am just looking at her.

She is flushed, her cheeks red, and her hair is a little disarrayed.

"Oh I see, so just because I go out with Graham after work you decide to bring someone home? And she's eating my food." Emma slurs and that's when it hits me that she is definitely inebriated.

This makes Ruby get up and walk right up to Emma, getting in her face a bit.

"Okay first of all it's obvious you've had one too many so quiet down before you wake up Henry, and don't disrespect Regina like that. We already had plans, and like I said we are just hanging out." Ruby says, not moving.

Emma moves around Ruby and looks at Regina, "Oh and now you have her defending you too. Wow, you must have rally done a number on her. Did you kiss her too, lay with her and bed and make her feel wanted…." She trails off and I cannot believe she is saying these things.

"Emma stop, what's wrong with you? There's nothing going on here, and you do not need to airing out your dirty laundry in front of me." Ruby insists but I know that Emma is not listening to her at all.

She moves towards me, and I start to shift backwards.

"Emma…" I start to say but she stops me and walks towards me until my back is to the counter.

"What was it Regina, was I not who you wanted? All fucken week I've been wondering what it was I did wrong…" she says and I can tell she clearly doesn't know what she's saying as she's getting too emotional.

"Look it's obvious that you two need to talk about some… things. Regina if you are okay, I can see my way out." Ruby says and I can tell she doesn't want to leave but knows she shouldn't be here to hear these things.

"Emma please just sit down, I am going to walk Ruby out and be right back." I say to her and she steps back and walks out the room and into my study.

As I follow Ruby out I cannot believe how this evening turned out.

"Ruby I don't know what to say…I'm sorry." I say as I really do not know what to say.

"What Emma said back there, about kissing and being in bed? I know it's not my business but I can also see why she's upset." She says and it makes me smile despite the situation.

"You really are a great friend Ruby, and Emma is lucky to have you. But yes those were some of the things I wanted to talk about. I've been… confused…" I tell her, looking down.

She pulls up my chin so that I am looking into her eyes. "I'm your friend too Regina, so call me when you are free and maybe you can come to my place next time." She says and I smile.

"I'd really like that." I say and she just lightly squeezes my shoulder as she walks by me and out the door.

…

After cleaning up in the kitchen to give Emma some times to cool off I make my way into my study and close the door.

She's made herself a drink, and is staring into the fireplace that she has lit as well.

I know it's a bad idea, but I don't know how to deal with this either so I go straight to my tumbler of cider and pour myself a stiff drink. I drink the entire thing and pour myself another and take that back as well, enjoying the familiar burn at the back of my throat.

I then go and sit down and wait, wait for it to take affect and wait for her to speak.

After 10 minutes I think it's ridiculous that neither of us has said a thing so I approach her, and when I do I sway a bit, and decide to sit again, this time on a chair a little closer. I think of how silly it must have looked for me to do that and laugh to myself.

This gets her attention, as she turns around and looks at me.

"What are you laughing at? Is Ruby still here; are you two laughing at me?" She asks, and looks so confused and for some reason it just makes me laugh more, and now she's looking around the room for Ruby and I cannot help but giggle.

"C'mon Regina, what's so funny? And I cannot believe you brought Ruby here, she's supposed to be my friend and she's making a move on my woman." She says, and goes to sit on the couch across from me, completely slouching down and straightening her legs and crossing her hands over her chest.

"Oh my God Emma, you look jest like Henry when he's throwing a fit." I say and reach for my drink, the 3rd or was it 4th one since I came in here, finishing it I pour myself a refill, and also top off Emma's drink.

"Well he's a smart kid, and well… I am mad. She can't come in here acting like she can juss take you guys away. I mean, I don't even get you, but atleast Henry still likes me." She says and it's quite a sad pity party.

"Don't be so childish Emma, I like you very much." I say as I move over to her on the couch handing her her drink.

"Well thas not what you said. You were like, 'Ms Swan I don't like you like that, but I just like laying on top of you and sticking my tongue in your mouth'." She says.

I'm laughing again as I lean towards her and smack her arm, "I do not sound like that! And I did not call you Ms. Swan, you liar!" I tell her.

"Yah well you coulda cuz you only call me that when you are mad or tryin to act meat to me. But I know, I know you better than you think. And I know you wanted it, and I know you liked it.." She says the last part more quietly and when I look at her, her breathing has picked up and shes staring at my lips.

"Oh no Ms. Swan, you keep those lips away from me." I say, swatting her face away and leaning my whole body over hers.

"See what did I tell you! You just called me Ms. Swan again." She says and then she's standing up, and I fall to the ground.

She doesn't even care that I am now sprawled out on the floor as she goes to refill our drinks this time.

"Hey I could have split open my head on the coffee table right now." I say while staying on the floor, the room starting to spin a little.

"Yeah well… then I'd have to save you. You know I am trained in first aid, I even showed Graham a few things this week." She says as she sits back on the couch, and pulls me up with one arm.

"Here drink up, this cider by the way, is delicious." She says as she leans back, easy smile on her face now with her head tilting up over the back cushion.

"Are you attracted to him?" I ask her as I lean back on the couch as well, mirroring her pose.

"Who? Graham? I mean he is good looking and I know he wants me." She says, turning to me, "What's not to like?"

"Have you slept with him?" I can't help asking still looking away.

I reach for my drink taking the whole thing down while I wait for her answer.

She stays quiet and the silence is killing me.

"Emma…" I say turning to her.

"Why do you care, it's not like you haven't!" she says and gets off of the couch and walks towards the fire.

I have affectively ruined our happy moments from before.

"What are you talking about?" I say because I haven't, well I have but not in a long time.

"Oh don't act like you haven't, Ruby had told me before when I asked her if I had a chance with you. She said that you were sleeping with him, so she didn't think so." She says, but she's swaying and I know she's really drunk.

"Emma come here, come on, I have to tell you a secret." I say and she turns to me, she looks upset but more dejected and she trudges back to me like a 4 year old.

I don't know what I am thinking but I just blurt it out, "I may have slept with him long ago, but it's you that I want." I say and I pull her shirt towards me and close the distance between us.

I make my way onto her lap and straddle her and am putting little kisses on her lips. When I realize that she hasn't moved, or reciprocated any of the kisses, I pull back and look at her.

It's like she doesn't even know what I'm doing so I lift my legs a bit and almost bounce on her lap. Still nothing. I lazily bring my hand up to her face and wave it.

"Hello, earth to Emma, what's going on in there." I ask as I put my forehead against her.

"So you did sleep with him?" She says, and she looks hurt.

"Is that what it was about at the Diner? Were you jealous cuz I was with him, and you wanted him?" She asks and eventhough I know we are both not in our right minds, she really cannot be that stupid.

"No you idiot!" I say, pushing her back and climbing off of her lap and walking to refill my drink.

"Then what, huh? Cuz you made it clear you don't want me. I mean fuck Regina, I was ready to do anything you wanted and you just threw me away, I still want you, but now Ruby. What the hell?" she says sloppily getting up off the couch and walking towards me.

"I can't, I don't know Emma I can't tell you." I say but I am turning towards her, like a magnet and I cannot pull back. "I slept with Graham before, but it was nothing, I swear to you. And Ruby, she's helping me because I'm lost. I'm so lost." I tell her as I start to crumble knowing that this alcohol is making it so I have almost no filter.

I start to walk away from her, to try to maybe get to my room and lock the door but as fast as I think I'm going I only make it to the couch before she catches me and spins me around.

"Just stop holding back please. Just for once, be honest with me. I see it in your eyes Regina, I feel like I know you, like I've known you forever and when you lie to me it just hurts so bad. Please just tell me what you want, and just tell me the truth." She says begging me, and kneels before me and holding my hands. "Even if it's just for tonight..." she says and she's staring at me with such love and devotion in her eyes.

As I look down at her, both of us still slightly swaying, I think of all who have kneeled before me and how none of them come close to her. The mother of my child, the savior of us all, the strongest woman I have ever met is on her knees in front of me and I don't deserve it but it makes me feel so strong to have her there looking up at me.

"Oh Emma, get up off that floor you crazy fool, don't you ever kneel to me, ever!" I say taking her face in my hands and bringing it to mine.

With an inch between us I tell her, finally, admitting it to her and myself at the same time. "I do want you, I want you so much that I can feel it in my entire being, but you don't get it. I can't, I have responsibilities." I say as her eyes close, a tear slipping down.

As I wipe it away, she takes my hand away from her face, her eyes opening again.

"Then I have to go Regina, I can't be here anymore. I can't look at you and know that you want me too and I can't have you." She says finally pulling away.

And before I know it she's walking, more fumbling out of my study and towards the front door, and I have to stop her, and as I run after her I know that I cannot let her leave.

I get to her just as she has her hand on the door, and I shout, "Emma! Not you, please don't leave me, don't turn your back on me." I say, my voice sounding horse when it comes out and I realize I'm choking back sobs, tears streaming down my face.

"What the hell do you want me to do, I can't be here Regina." She slurs, and opens the door but I make it to her and grab her before she leaves.

"Stay, take me to bed, please. Just don't go." And it's the last thing I say before she turns towards me and in one swift motion I am airborne as she lifts me towards her and kisses me deeply, frantically and more wet than I have ever been kissed.

It's all so sloppy and as she fumbles to carry me back into the house I hold on for dear life, not daring to let go; to let her go.

She kicks the door closed once we are in, and I think about Henry for a minute, glad he sleeps like a log, and that our walls are so thick.

I pull back from her just enough to place my face in her neck, "Shh we don't want to wake the whole block." I say, and then feeling too intoxicated by her smell, I start to press open mouthed kisses on the skin I find there.

She just mumbles incoherently and leads us back towards the study, kicking that door shut as well.

I need more skin to taste and feel so I start to pull at her top and while shes still carrying me and she must lose her balance because all of a sudden we both hit the floor, an audible oomph leaving our mouths.

She's still in top of me, and I had managed to get her shirt over half of her head before we fell so that when I look up at her she has it stuck halfway up her body and over her head.

As she eyes open and she looks at me I cannot contain the laughter that comes out just by looking at her.

"Hey what's so funny?" she asks and it makes me laugh more and pull her further into me.

"You, Emma, Just you being you." I say it more lovingly that I meant to, and I think she hears the tone as well because then she's looking at me as she slowly pulls back and finishes pulling her shirt over her head and throws it behind her.

This leaves her with only her black sheer bra and her skinny jeans. And the site is enough to make me almost come undone before she even really touches me.

"You are so hot" I tell her and then blush profusely feeling so young in that moment.

"Oh really Madam Mayor, that was very eleqant, eleoqiant… uhh you know what I mean." She says and I cannot help but laugh at her even more. She's just so different from me but I can't help but be enamored by it.

"Oh Ms. Swan what am I going to do with you?" I ask her teasingly.

"Anything you want." She says, and even though I know it's meant to be lighthearted, it still thrills me to no end, and I finally pull down her neck and bring her lips to mine again.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As I stir awake I can't help the smile that comes across my lips as images of last night come back to me. I can still hear Emma's laugh, and the way her eyes danced with a mixture of lust and happiness and another look I hadn't seen before.

I know it was a bad idea, and I could definitely blame it on the alcohol coursing through our bodies, but I just do not want to diminish what it was. Especially since the Savior ended up being as noble as ever, and in the end it wasn't more than just a lot of kissing and touching.

But there was definitely promise there, promise of what could come in the future, promise of what lie ahead if we were to let ourselves just be together.

And I have to say that I haven't felt this way since Daniel; that young and carefree feeling of liking someone and knowing they like you just the same, maybe even more.

Yes I still had so much to do, I had to figure out so much but the way I felt last night, I just don't want to think of anything else right now.

I wonder how Henry would feel about this.

I don't even know how I really feel, I needed to talk to Ruby, but maybe I could call her later.

Maybe I could still pretend that it is not yet morning, like Romeo and Juliet.

Oh no when did I become such a sap? I blame Henry for taking such a liking to Shakespeare in school last semester. As we went though many of his greatest plays.

I slowly stretch out my arm looking for Emma, but I am only met with the softness of blankets, which is strange since I distinctly remember falling asleep in front of the fire last night in someone's arms.

As I slowly open my eyes, I see that I'm back in my bedroom which is strange enough, but as I smell the coffee downstairs I cannot help but smile to myself.

She must have carried me up the stairs, and then decided to make us some. She is so thoughtful like that, and now that I think back to all the times she had been there for me I'm surprised I didn't notice it sooner. Even when she joined Henry and me for Operation Mongoose she was all in, so invested in giving me my happy ending, even if it didn't involve her.

She checked up on me when no one else did, and even believed me when that other curse was set, when everyone in that meeting had turned on me I knew I could count on her.

How could I have been so blind all this time?

I couldn't wait to see her, so I slowly made my way out of bed, my body feeling a little weak and drained; must have been all of that cider last night.

I don't bother going in the restroom to clean up as she had already seen me like this from living here, and made my way quietly down the stairs.

As I rounded the corner to the kitchen I couldn't help the butterflies building in my stomach, and I couldn't help the smile appearing.

"Well aren't you charming, putting me to bed like that. How did you manage to carry me up thos….Robin!" I say and clutch onto the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry love, what were you saying? It's so good to see those beautiful eyes again." He says as he approaches me and I cannot believe it.

I quickly try to straighten my back, put a smile on my face and fix my hair a bit.

He's looking at me curiously.

"I… I'm sorry I don't know what happened, I think I'm a bit confused." I tell him as he comes to stand in front of me.

He puts his hand on my waist and pulls me into a hug, and although it feels nice to see him again, to feel him again I cannot ignore the loss I feel at knowing she's not here.

"Come, we have much to discuss. I have made you some food; I'll bring it out to the table, why don't you go have a seat." He says, looking at me lovingly and running his hand across my cheek before he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead.

I just nod yes and make my way to the table and have a seat.

As I take a seat I cannot get Emma out of my mind. The way she had been with me, she was so playful once we started to just… let loose finally.

I knew when she had said that she was leaving that I couldn't let her go, not at that moment.

Oh who was I kidding? I couldn't let her go, period.

And why did we have to wait so long to finally give in? Why did I wait so long, and now I was here and I don't know when I will see her again.

"Regina, dear, are you alright?" he says gently, and I see that he had taken a seat next to me, and has placed food in front of me.

I look down. And cat help but smile as I see that he is still not used to using modern things such as a toaster, as he has burnt most of the bread, but atleast the eggs do look good.

I take a sip of the tea that he has made, and try not to make a face. I have never enjoyed tea, and since I came here it is coffee that I love, and after all that has happened I would have hoped he would have atleast known that.

I take another sip and grimace slightly. Ofcourse he see's it.

"Sorry love, Marian always had tea with her breakfast, do you need more honey? I wasn't sure…" He says looking a little lost.

That's when I realize that he doesn't know these things about me because we were never given the chance.

Emma knows exactly how I like my coffee, and also learned the hard way not to speak to me until I had my first cup.

I smile as I think of her, her hair a mess, and those damn short shorts, in the kitchen in the morning trying to make me coffee, since she had already obviously ruined breakfast. So coffee became her constant contribution every morning, and I started to depend on it.

I realize I haven't said anything for a few moments, and look up to see Robin smiling at me.

"Um… No it is fine, dear, although I do prefer coffee over tea." I tell him.

He nods, as if he is storing that information for later. And I cannot help but smile at his efforts, always trying to do what is right.

"Where is Henry? How long have I been out? What is happening with Emma…" I ask all of these questions at once as I cannot wait to find out.

"Well Henry is at school, he hadn't left your side for the first few days but the Charming's were able to convince him that you would be taken care of." He says, and I finally pick up a piece of burnt toast and try to get it down.

"You have been in a comatose state for about a month, and in that time we were able to find Emma, and we were… well we were waiting for you to wake up so that we could decide what to do." He says looking down.

"Me, why? What has happened to her?" I ask, my heart quickening at the chance to see her again, as I reach out and grab his hand.

"She is refusing to speak to anyone else. And well, we have her locked in an enchanted cell underground for safekeeping. She is not well, it has been hard to get her to eat or drink anything." He says, and I try to hide the horror that I feel when I find out that they have her in a cell.

I don't want to imagine her there, cold and alone and probably so scared. I needed to see her right away. I had to find a way to fix this.

I stand and immediately head towards the stairs.

"Regina, dear, where are you going? You haven't finished your meal. Please come sit, we have other things to discuss." He says and he catches up to me and leads me back to the dining table.

I don't want to deal with anything else right now, but I see him searching my eyes and I cannot tell him no. He has been here for me, waiting for me and well I just cannot push him away.

As I sit again, I hear the doorbell ring and hear him speaking to someone else.

Its then that I see Snow walking in with Charming following and they just look terrible.

They look as bad as I feel at the moment, and I cant help but reach out to Snow as she approaches me.

She immediately falls into me and starts to sob, her body shaking against mine, and at this moment she feels like the little girl I raised, but this time I don't resent her, this time I know that I loved her instead, and I felt as much anguish as she did.

We sit like that for several minutes until I see her look up to me and I can't help but flinch when she brings her hand to my cheek. I guess I had been crying right along with her.

I look to the side and see Charming and Robin sitting across from us, and that's when I slowly pull my body away from Snow as she also takes a seat.

"I guess that Robin told you that I had awakened, and that is why you are here? And who is with Emma, has there been any change?" I ask anxiously.

"Actually Robin didn't inform us. We were just coming to stay with you while he visits…." She just stops talking then, and looks to Robin questioningly.

I look between the two, and ofcourse David is the one who speaks up, "He's going to see Zelena like he does everyday, and we come to sit with you while he does." He says, and all of a sudden I hear static noise.

I look between the three of them, first Snow looking to David like he is in trouble as he looks back at her completely clueless. Then I look to Robin and his gaze is anywhere but mine.

He is visiting her every day? Even with me in a coma, even with everything happening with Emma he is still making time for that monster. There must be some explanation for this.

"I… see… and is there something wrong with her? The baby?" I ask as calmly as I can.

"No she's fine, actually she's no longer locked up either, and she is staying in a small house down the roa…." Snow actually covers his mouth with her hands at this point, and I understand why she does it but it only angers me to hear what he's already said.

I look to Robin this time and stand instantly.

"You let her out? What is the matter with you? After all that she has done!" I shout at him, the anger in me taking over for a moment and rattling some photos on the walls.

He approaches me immediately reaching out for my hand and I yank it away and he blasts backwards; my magic lashing out at him as I try my best to control it.

"No, you don't try to even say a word to me." I say turning away from him and looking to Snow, "Why is she out, what has happened that he hasn't bothered to tell me?" I ask, my voice coming out strained as I try to regulate the magic coursing through me.

"He spoke to the blue fairy without speaking to us about it and had her locked up in the house instead of the cell that we put her in." she says, then looking towards him disgustingly, "He didn't want her in the cell because he was concerned for her wellbeing as well as the baby." She spits out the last part, and that's when I realize that she does not like him at all.

How did I not see it before? I guess I was too absorbed in my own world at the time but now that I think back, Snow has never once gone out of her way to be nice to Robin, or even give a friendly hello which is not like her.

"And why did Blue even agree to such a thing?" I ask incredulously.

"He made a deal with her, swore that she was not a danger, especially since she wouldn't be able to leave the house. He said that if she could help you, then she should be able to help Zelena as well." Snow finishes looking directly into my eyes, and I know that she is telling the truth.

And the hurt I feel inside is completely clouded by anger. I cannot believe he would ever compare me to her. I do not deny myself being a monster, but for him to see me just the same as her, well that just was too much to handle, and I feel my whole body vibrating as I start to take deep breaths.

"My love please, let me." Robin is walking towards me.

"No! You don't get to speak to me, I don't care what you have to say. Get out of my house." I snarl at him.

Yet for some reason he doesn't listen, he doesn't understand just how dangerous I am right now.

"Please, she wasn't well, she nee.." He says as David steps between us.

"You need to leave now, for your own good. Leave now and do not return until she calls on you." He says putting a hand up against his chest.

I am still trying to control myself, as I look up and see him nod in my direction. His eyes are pleading with me but I do not want to see that face. He has betrayed me just like everyone else. If I never see him again it will be too soon.

"I am truly sorry my love, please find it in your heart to forgive me." he whispers, and then he turns and walks right out the door.

...

Goodbye Robin :)

Please Review, as it is my motivation to keep posting. Thanks.


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed. I know there are many lurkers out there, as I am one as well. But it really does help to hear your opinions or encouraging words. I don't know when I will have a chance to update again since I'm going on vacation next week, but perhaps you all can convince me to write another one before I leave!

A BIG thank you to Helo Medeiros for your review, it's actually the reason I decided to post this today. I hope you enjoy it!

...

It took me 30 minutes to calm down enough to speak.

In those 30 minutes the Charming's milled around the house as if it was their own. And where it would have angered me before, it was actually calming. David went around the house straightening up the pictures that had either fallen or were slanted from earlier. Snow cleaned up the table and even brewed some coffee, and as David gently helped me to sit down in the living room, Snow brought me a fresh cup and just sat it in front of me.

After they felt the place was back in order they both took a seat across from me and waited until I was ready to speak.

At first I couldn't believe that Robin had betrayed me in such a way, but now as I had more time to think about it it didn't surprise me. He may have been my soul mate, but he was not destined to be with me, as he continually chose others over me.

It hurt me to think that he could see me as equal to my sister, but at the same time, I guess I just felt as though maybe this is what was supposed to be. We knew it was going to be hard, and maybe it was too hard. Maybe somethings just weren't worth it in the end.

I needed to focus now on other things, on more important things than my pathetic love life.

I look up to see both Snow and David staring at me, and as I look back at them I see the sorrow in their eyes, I see that lightness they always had has faded and they just look utterly hopeless and defeated.

I know I need to help them, I needed to help my family get back its most important member. She was the one who held us all together, that one singular element that would always bind us all as a family unit, and without her we would all be broken.

I reach down and take a sip of the coffee, and finally speak up.

"Thank you for giving me… time to process. And for coming to be with me everyday. I know that must have been hard with everything else that is happening." I say putting down the coffee.

They both nod at me, still not saying anything so I continue.

"I need to see Emma and speak to her. Robin mentioned that she is not well, and that you have her in a cell?" I ask, and just saying Robins name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Oh Regina, she is not herself, and she will not speak to us, will not even come near us or touch us. She is so scared, but I can see so much anger in her as well, she is fighting a battle with herself right now and we don't know what to do." Snow finally gushes out, tears springing to her eyes as David holds her tightly.

"Has she hurt anyone? Is that why she is locked up? I don't understand, is she truly the…" the words are stuck in my throat, so I swallow deeply and rasp out "the dark one?"

"Well you saw as we did that her name was on the dagger, and we have the dagger in safe keeping, but it was her idea to be locked up. She doesn't trust herself and had us lock her up before she lost complete control of herself. She doesn't want Henry to see her like that, so he has been staying with you here, and we have been watching him when he isn't by your side." David informs me as it has become too hard for Snow to speak.

"She wants to see you Regina; you are the only one she is calling for, while she's awake and asleep. I think she sees you in her dreams too. After we locked her up she refused to see us, so we have to sneak over when we thing she is asleep" Snow says, and it knocks the wind out of me.

Was it possible that we were seeing the same thing; living the same dream or alternate universe?

"Does she ever speak of these dreams?" I ask before I can help myself.

"No she doesn't speak to anyone at all. But we hear her, and we know that she needs you, we all do Regina. You don't know how hard this month has been without you. And Henry, he's been so good, staying by your side, you would be so proud." She says and a small smile appears on her face despite all that has happened. My boy is still able to be so strong for us all.

"I need to see her, but I would like to see Henry first. I just need to get cleaned up, if you have some place else to be, I could perhaps meet you later?" I ask because I do not want to be alone. I have never been a needy person, but right now I did not trust myself to be alone, especially with what happened with Robin earlier.

"Ofcourse we want to see you later Regina, we just got you back. In fact, if you are okay we can wait until you are finished getting ready and head out together. I know you feel okay, but you just woke up today and I… I don't want to be parted form you yet." Snow says, and I know she is lying.

I have no doubt she missed me, but I know she is worried about me, and she knows I will never ask for her help. I never thought I would feel so comfortable with them in my home like this, bur I do welcome.

"Yes, ofcourse dear. If you'll just wait down here, I'll be down shortly." I say and then head upstairs to get ready.

….

The three of us ended up taking one car so that they could take me directly from Henry's school to see Emma.

The car ride was quiet, and it did feel a bit awkward, but not at all as unpleasant as I had feared.

When I saw Henry it brought tears to my eyes. And he was openly crying as well.

David had gone to get him and brought him to the car and they gave us some time alone, waiting outside.

He told me how scared he was, and I just wiped away his tears and held him close to me. It felt so nice to have him near me.

We had been through so much, and eventhough I had little Henry with me in the other place, nothing compared to my grown Henry because he understood so much more than he let on.

I told him about how I had felt and heard him and he explained that I had woken up while Blue was working on me, and that he was so scared that I was in pain.

I had to lie to him and tell him I wasn't, because I could already see that stress had taken a toll on his body. He looked thinner, and his face tired, and sunken in.

I think he knew I was lying to him, but he didn't want to push it.

"Have you seen Ma yet? They won't let me see her.." he said looking down.

"I am going there from here, and dear, look at me." I say lifting his face.

"I know you want to see her but just think of where she is coming from. She may not want you to see her like this, or maybe she's afraid she may hurt you." I tell him.

"No mom, she wouldn't hurt me, I know we can save her.. she just needs to let us." He said, and that little hopeful boy is showing through right now.

"I know you want to believe that dear, and so do I but we have to just do our best not to push too hard, ok? Now I have to go, but I will be seeing you soon. I love you so much." I tell him as I pull him into another hug; trying to memorize his familiar smell and body.

"Love you too mom." he says and then exits the car.

I see him through the window giving his grandparents hugs as well before heading back to class.

…

It's dark and dingy as we make our way through the tunnels to where Emma is being kept, and it just feels so wrong to have her here.

I have to stop myself several times from lashing out at her parents for leaving her here, but I can tell by the looks on their faces that this is as hard for them as it is for me.

As I continue walking I see cell bars at the end of the hallway, and then I look back to Snow and Charming who had stopped several feet behind me.

"Why are we stopping?" I whisper to them.

"She will not want to see us. Last time we came close enough to see her she….." Snow looks to David and swallows what looks like bile rising in her throat, "She threatened us that she would hurt herself... so we will wait here." Snow finished, finally looking at me.

I'm taken aback at the utter helplessness and hurt in her eyes.

"Surely she can't mean it, perhaps she's just scared." I say, reaching out to her.

"No, Regina you don't understand. She was already upset with us for lying to her before she became the dark one. It seems her emotions have been heightened times 100. She looks at us with such hate, and she knows the only way to keep us away is to threaten to hurt herself." David says, and I can't believe that she already has so much darkness in her.

The Emma I was with was so different, there was so much light in her eyes.

Oh how I wish I could back to that Emma right now. I'd never let her go. I'd never let it get this far. I was so blind.

"I don't know if I should see her then. If she hates you, then how can she want to see me?" I ask, obviously confused and conflicted.

"No, she is only asking for you. Please help our baby girl. Regina, you are the only who ever could." Snow says, and it seems to be a bit too loud because there's suddenly loud banging coming from behind me in the cell.

It sounds like someone is pounding something hard against concrete, and I am scared to think what it might be.

"She must have heard us, we have to go Regina, but we will be just outside." They say and I nod as I slowly turn to approach the cell.

As I walk closer I see that the cell looks identical to the one that Rumple was in, in the enchanted forest.

I come all the way to bars, not daring to make a sound and look around.

It is messy and there is a makeshift bed against the wall at the back of the cell.

There are clothes and some food trays scattered about, and even some books, but they all look like they have barely been touched.

At first I don't see her as I gaze around, and it isn't until she moves her legs that I finally make her out.

She looks gaunt from what I can see, and has a very thin singlet on with some sweat pants.

Her back is towards me and she is crouched down in a corner of the cell, writing something in a notebook, and also speaking to herself it seems.

"Emma" I breathe out before I can stop myself, and this startles her so she slowly puts down her pen and turns around.

As she turns I cannot hide the horror that crosses my face, as I bring my hand to cover my mouth as not to cry out.

She looks terrible, dark circles under her eyes, her hair and clothes disheveled and just dirty. I know there is a restroom in here behind a corner that I can make out but she must not be too worried with that right now.

There is even a desk in the opposite corner of the restroom, with the books and tray of food but it all looks like it has not been touched.

She is looking at me curiously up and down, then she mutters something to herself and turns back around, continuing to write in her book.

I stand for a few more minutes before I say it again, "Emma" and this time it's louder and firmer.

This does not get the reaction I thought it would, and it seems as though she doesn't believe I am really here.

She continues to speak under her breath as she writes more, starting to sway back and forth as though she is anxious.

"Emma! Look at me, turn around and look at me, please!" I say louder almost begging, and she just continues to ignore me.

I don't know how much longer I can take it, and my anger takes over as I look at a pebble on the floor outside the cell, and before I know It I have propelled it to hit her on left shoulder blade with my magic.

This sure gets her attention as she immediately jumps up off the floor and all I see is rage and she lunges towards me.

…..

She comes barging right into the cell bars, magic shooting from her hands, and I immediately crouch down and cover myself and on instinct my magic comes to life and ads a protection barrier around me.

A few seconds pass, and then I finally look up and meet her eyes.

"You are not real!" she shouts, then she looks up and around. "Just leave me alone!" she yells to no one in particular and then starts to retreat again so I take this as my only opportunity and I quickly lunge forward and bring my hand through the bar and grab her shoulder before she can fully get away from me.

"Oh you bet I am real Miss Swan, and I am not leaving you!" I say with as much force as I can to try and get through to her.

She stops but does not fully turn around, she just brings one of her hands and puts it over mine, almost like she still does not believe that I am here.

"I am most certainly here, and I need you to fully turn around and look at me, I promise I am not here to fool you or upset you in any way." I say slowly, as I really do not know what I am dealing with right now.

I want to believe that this woman in front of me is the same woman that I have recently found myself completely enamored and drawn to, but I am also so afraid that I've lost her; lost her before I ever really got to have her.

"How do I know it's really you? I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't control myself; maybe you should leave…" she trails off, her voice starting to quiver.

And that is when I decide I have been going about this all-wrong. Instead of cradling her like the others I needed to do what we did best, I needed to get her want to fight me, to fight this. Because if there's one thing we have always had its that competitive drive, it pushed us against our limits, and this will be no different.

"You are as stupid as you have always been if you think that a little dark magic is going to scare me away. Who are you to tell me to leave? We have a son who has been worried sick about you, and parents who look like they have literally lost their child. And you sit here in some corner and write in a little diary. This is what you have become? Reverting back to a scared little girl while the rest of us try to fix a decision you foolishly made." It hurt most to say that last part because I am forever grateful to her for saving me. But I had to get through to her.

I choke back the bile in my throat as the next words slip from my lips, "I'll just go back and tell Henry that he can come here and see this pathetic site for himself. See what his Savior has become…" I say and I turn and start very slowly walking away.

This time it's her hand that rushes out through the bar to grab my shoulder and I just stop.

I don't dare turn around in that moment because I know my eyes will betray me. So I just stand there and let her build whatever courage she needs to speak.

Her hand loosens its grip when she knows that I am not longer trying to walk away and as she removes it fully I already miss the contact between us.

It's sickening to think that I could be one of those stupid love struck fools that I always dreamed about when I was a young girl, and hated when I got older and realized it didn't exist. But now look at me having hope again in love in the form of a former Savior who is now the Dark One. And now I just want her hand on me again, I just want to feel her warmth surround me.

And to think of myself as love struck, could I even be thinking of love right now? Robin had just betrayed me, my supposed soul mate.

But deep down I know she would never betray me as he has. Even now, when there are so many odds against us I know that she would be better to me than he ever could.

I think I maybe have always known she would be good to me and for me, but I didn't understand how until I got to spend that time with her, until I got to really know her.

I'm so lost in my inner thoughts that I almost forget where I am when she brushes my shoulder again and says, "It really is you."

I turn around then, and just really look at her.

She is a shell of the woman I spent hours lying with; kissing and caressing carelessly into the night.

In one months' time she has lost a lot of weight and it's apparent that she hasn't really slept in a long time. Her hair has long lost its shine, her eyes seem almost dull and those lips, her lips were chapped and dry, almost cracked to point of bleeding.

I hated seeing her like this, I wanted to turn and run, to forget what I had seen but I couldn't.

I couldn't abandon her now.

"Emma it is me, please just let me in, we need to speak of course, but you look as though you are about to pass out from exhaustion. Please just let me help you." I tell her reaching for her hand and holding it gently in mine through the bars.

She looks down at herself and all of a sudden she must realize just how bad she looks because she immediately pulls her hand from mine and covers her chest. I know it's a defensive pose, and I need to get through to her, to let her know I only want to help but I don't know how, so I pick the only way I know how.

I transport myself into the cell so that I am standing right in front of her, no bars between us.

She immediately starts to back up, "No...no stay away, I'm warning you. I had them lock me in here for a reason. I am dangerous; I cannot control what's happening inside of me, what I might do to you.." she says, and I can see her breath quicken, I know she is trying to control herself.

I don't listen as I start to approach her, very slowly and cautiously because I know how hard it could be to control the rage inside. I know she could really hurt me now that I am inside the cell, and not protected by the spell that blue set around the cell.

I need her to know I am not afraid of her, and that she is still the same person.

"Emma please, just stay calm okay. I know how scared you are, especially because I know how scared we all are, but you need to understand something. Rumple didn't turn dark overnight. And neither will you. I know that we all have that darkness, I am proof of that, but there is also so much good inside of you." I tell her as she is now backed up against a wall with me in front of her.

I reach out and slowly caress her face, my eyes never leaving hers, "You cannot stay in here like some prisoner or monster. You cannot stop eating and sleeping. You cannot abandon our son. You cannot turn you back on me." I say, and see tears in her eyes, which I am sure match mine.

She tries so say something but nothing comes out, her lips trembling as she takes a deep breath.

"Please just let me try to help you, and we can talk once you get some rest and eat something. But don't you dare try to make me leave you again." I say as I move my thumb to catch the tear that has finally fallen down her cheek.

I take the last step to close the space between us and as I envelope her into my arms she immediately latches onto me and holds on tightly as we embrace, and had we not been that close I would not have heard her finally say, "Okay".

…


	18. Chapter 17

WARNING: CHAPTER RATING: MATURE

Chapter 17

We remain embracing for what seemed like hours. After the first few minutes I direct us towards the bed and sat with my back leaning against the wall. She immediately wrapped herself around me again, this time with her face towards my stomach in my lap and her arms encircling my midsection.

I know she is exhausted and after the sobs have finally come and gone she ended up just passing out right there half on top of me and even with her smelly old dingy clothes and sitting in this cell, there was no place that I would have rather been.

I think back to the nights when Henry used to fall asleep on me like this, although he usually was facing away from me, and towards the television, with his head over my lap.

I wonder if it's possible to miss something you never had.

Of course I miss how Henry used to lay his head on my lap, because it made me feel needed, and I knew that I provided a comfort for him that no else could.

But this, the way we are still embracing makes my heart quicken and my palms sweat. And I am Queen, my palms do not sweat. I do not get nervous or anxious around anyone.

But this sleeping woman in my arms has unnerved me in almost every way imaginable and yet here we are clinging to one another.

Even in her sleep her grip on me has not loosened one bit, and neither has mine for that matter. And I miss it, this feeling that I've never had, this feeling of being needed more than anyone else in the world. Its more intimate then when a child needs his mother, it's as though I am the only one who can help her, who can soother her. I don't want to admit it, but it feels like I am the only one for her, and that both scares me and delights me to no end.

I don't want to let go, or fall asleep because I don't know where I will wake up.

If I wake up in the past will I wake up with the other Emma holding me? Or will I wake up alone like all the other days of my life.

She begins to murmur in her sleep and I see her brows pull into a deep frown. I cannot even imagine what inner battle she is facing right now.

I slowly start rubbing the space between her brows with my thumb and this seems to sooth her as her frown goes away. But I do not remove my hand; in fact I take this as my opportunity to start tracing the outline of her face, making sure not to wake her.

As I make my way to her lips I do not hesitate to wave my hand over them and make them moist and soft again, instantly healing all of the cracks. After that I cannot resist slowly and very gently rubbing my thumb over her lips.

I think again about how they had felt against mine, and it brings a smile to my face.

I may have been drunk that night, but I did know what I was doing and I will not deny that it always felt amazing to kiss Emma. Kissing her was like having a sample of the best fruit, and knowing I would always want more. She was becoming too precious to me too fast but I didn't care, I'm glad I acted on it even if I needed alcohol to help with my inhibitions.

I think back to what it would have felt like to feel her go farther than we did. I wish I had pushed her to just take me right there in front of the fireplace. I was ready for her, even if I wasn't ready to face what it meant, I knew that if she would have agreed in that moment that I would have given myself to her willingly.

I know she was more intoxicated than I was, but when she stopped me from taking it further I saw nothing but clarity in her eyes. She knew what she was doing and she must have known what it meant as well. There was hope in her eyes, hope for a future that included Henry and I; our little family.

 _**Flashback**_

 _We went from laughing to kissing to laughing again. It's so light and carefree the way we are kissing like a pair of teenagers. I can't get enough of her so I pull her back down for more._

 _We are still lying in front of the fireplace but we have moved around quite a bit._

 _She is currently hovering over me and frantically trying to get my shirt off and I know we are still fairly intoxicated because her hand eye coordination is way off._

 _"_ _Please Miss Swan, allow me to do it for you..." I husk, not intending to say it as seductive as it sounds, and all of a sudden the mood has changed._

 _With those simple words the heat in the room has risen significantly._

 _She sits back up and scoots back a little watching me like an animal stalking its prey._

 _I slowly bring myself up as well, and sit kneeling on my knees in front of her as I slowly start to unbutton my silk blouse. I keep eye contact with her up until I let my shirt fully hang open. Then she slowly looks down to my chest and brings out both hands to brush the shirt over my shoulders and down my arms._

 _She slowly and carefully takes each of my arms out of their sleeves and then tosses my shirt over the back of her shoulder with a smirk on her face._

 _"_ _Is that how you treat my things? That shirt probably cost more than you entire ensemble, including those hideous boots." I say with a smile playing on my face._

 _"_ _Nu uh, the most valuable thing is right in front of me, everything else is like.. .. you know.. lame." She says in a serious tone, but she's still not looking at my face as she lightly brushes the back of her fingers over my bra covered chest._

 _I take in a deep breath, "Oh how romantic of you to say… hello. Are you even listening to me?" I say and I bring up one hand and wave it in her face._

 _This gets her attention for a minute as she catches my hand and brings it to her sheer covered breast. I can feel her heartbeat and its at the most quickened rate._

 _She looks up to me and smiles bashfully._

 _"_ _It's only beating for you." She says and then swallows deeply, "that romantic enough for you?"_

 _And although I know she is trying to lighten the moment, I can hear the utter sincerity of her words, and it makes me want her more as I take charge and move forward kissing her hard and deeply._

 _She pushes me down again, and kisses down my neck until she reaches my chest. She stops when she reaches the fabric of my bra, looking up to me with questioning eyes._

 _I immediately pull up enough to unclasp my bra and pull it off and over my shoulder in one swift move as I pull her on top of me again._

 _I gasp lightly when I feel her hand find it's way to my bare skin. I immediately notice the softness of her skin, and how different it felt from the men I had been with before._

 _I close my eyes and Robin comes to my mind. Guilt hits me as I realize that he has never even had a chance to properly explore my body. All the times we had been together had been rushed and passionate but we were never given the chance to just be together like this._

 _I try to bring myself back to the moment, but now I just felt wrong for thinking of him while being with her. I can't do this to him._

 _I look down to Emma and decide to sit up, but as I do she takes this as an invitation and latches her mouth onto my breast and it feels absolutely divine._

 _"_ _Oh…. Emma.." I say and it comes out strangled as I wasn't expecting it, but even more so because I wasn't expecting it to feel this good._

 _This only urges her on as I put my hands into her hair and pull her further into me._

 _I close my eyes and forget about everything else as I focus on her hot tongue and the way it is circling around my erect nipple. She has definitely done this before, as her other hand comes up to cover my other breast massaging it gently and playing with my other nipple with her thumb._

 _I feel little sparks shooting downwards as I start to slowly rock against her and allow her to ravish me._

 _She looks up to me after a few moments, and I only look down because she has removed her mouth and I feel a gently breeze._

 _When I look down I see her looking into my eyes as she's slowing blowing on my wet nipple and it makes me squirm beneath her._

 _She brings her hands to my face then and inches her way back up to my face as I hungrily pull into for another kiss._

 _As we are kissing I allow my hands to roam her body freely and find the button of her jeans as I quickly start undoing them and pulling them lower._

 _I feel this frantic need to feel her everywhere all of a sudden and I am trying to pull her jeans down while still trying to kiss her and she pulls back, "Whoa whoa Regina, slow down, what's the rush?" she asks, smiling at me._

 _"_ _Are you really asking me this right now? Do I have to spell it out for you?" I say a little frantically as I try to reach down again and actually end up bumping her shoulder with my head._

 _Maybe I am still a little on the uncoordinated side, and I push her so she's on her back and attempt to pull her skin tight pants off._

 _She's still giggling but not helping or stopping me in any way. So I proceed on my mission and when I finally get those darn pants off and I lie fully on top of her and start to rub my hands up from her calves to her thighs, up her sides and finally to her chest, trying to explore her body further._

 _I'm lost in the feel of her under my hands as I revel in the softness of it all, the smoothness of her skin and the smell of her. It's all even more intoxicating than any cider I've ever had. She is intoxicating in the most delicious way._

 _I bring my hands to the front clasp of her bra and smile at her, "How very convenient" I say as I undo it quickly not bothering to properly remove it as I look down at her bare chest._

 _I cannot wait to taste her so I dive straight into it, and don't hold back as I put my mouth around her hard pert nipple and try to mimic what she did to me earlier._

 _Now it is she who squirms beneath me, it is she who tangles her hands into my hair as I taste her salty sweet skin and love the feel of her in my mouth._

 _"_ _Regina, oh that feels so good.." She whispers and I can't stop my hands from further exploring her body as she lies beneath me._

 _As my hands start to lower into her underwear she slowly guides us up into a sitting position and removes my hands._

 _"_ _Regina, God you don't know how much I want this, but maybe we should wait." She says and it hits me hard as I pull back._

 _"_ _Isn't this what you wanted?" I ask her in a meek voice that I don't even recognize as my own. "Am I not what you thought I would be? I may have never been with a woman, but…" I start to panic as I realize what I was about to do._

 _She takes my hands in her and brings my face to hers, kissing me softly and then pulls back, "No, God no, you have no idea how much.." She says but I cut her off before she can finish._

 _"_ _Well then what's the problem? I thought this was what you wanted, what you've been wanting." I say feeling foolish for how far I took things._

 _She's smiling as she lays me down again, laying her body atop mine and I have to close my eyes because she just feels so right on top of me._

 _She surprises me when she pulls back and slowly undoes my pants and pulls them down and off completely._

 _I sit up so that I'm resting on my elbows as I look down at her questioningly._

 _She only keeps the smile on her face as she comes back up to lie on me again, and now that I no longer have anything but underwear on, matching her, I feel so much more of her._

 _She opens her legs enough so that she is straddling one of mine, and that's when I feel it._

 _I feel the heat coming off her of her in her most intimate spot, but what causes the gasp to escape my lips is the undeniable wetness that I also feel._

 _As if on instinct I raise my thigh to feel more of her and she slowly grinds further into me as well and it feel amazing._

 _She brings her face to mine, and as I think she is about to kiss me I close my eyes, but she brushes her cheek against mine instead as she whispers, "Never doubt how much I want you, I know you can feel it." she says as she rocks harder on me, and it makes me whimper._

 _I can say in all the times I have ever been with anyone I have never whimpered, it is beneath me, yet as she said those words and as I felt the wetness growing on my thigh I just could not contain myself._

 _I pull back and look into her eyes as I bring my lips to hers and kiss her very slowly just reveling in all that I am feeling._

 _As we are kissing I take her hand and bring it lower and into my underwear, not able to hold back any longer. I needed her like I had never needed anyone before, but she pulls her hand back so I pull back and look at her again, more annoyed this time._

 _"_ _Emma.. What… is it now" I ask obviously very turned on and anxious._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, but Regina please know I want you very badly but I don't want it like this." She looks at me, and I instantly look away, tears springing to my eyes._

 _"_ _No, please look at me. I want our first time to be more than this. I want us to be 100 percent sure; I don't want it to be a random drunken night. We have so much more to look forward to." She tells me._

 _"_ _But I know what I want Emma, right now I want you so much…" I say trying to convince her._

 _"_ _Yes I know Regina, I can feel it. But I cant, not like this. Please just wait for me, Okay? You mean so much to me.. I would never want you to regret this. I don't want it to be some random night we hooked up. I want us to be more…" she says, and I can't find it in me to be upset._

 _It's actually the most chivalrous and kind thing anyone has ever done for me and it made me realize that I wanted to wait too. I wanted to wait to fully give myself to her and have her give me all of her, and maybe have her be the last person that I would ever give myself to._

 _I kiss her again, hard this time, and wet and very unlike me, but so much like me at the same time. I want her to feel my gratitude, and my promise of what could come if we accepted it._

 _"_ _Thank you Emma, for so much more than you could know. Will you just hold me tonight? I don't want this night to end just yet." I say and I turn my body to face the fire._

 _She quickly grabs a throw blanket off of the sofa and curls up behind me, holding me she whispers, "I'd love to hold you forever if you'd let me."_

 _And we lie there for a while just enjoying the fire before I fall off asleep_.

End flashback**

Now seeing her here in my arms again, I felt at a loss.

This was not the same woman I felt myself falling for in that other place. She is hurting so much and I don't know what to do.

Will she ever be able to be the same again? Will any of us be the same again?

I bring my hand back to her face and caress her cheek, I want to kiss her but I know I cant and it hurts that I cant now that I have, now that I know what it feels like to have her in that way.

There is so much more we have to face, and we can only beat this together, so I will be strong for her.

I look down at her arms, and see little scrapes here and there, and there are holes in her pants. I wonder if she's even changed her clothing in the last month.

I look around the room and see that there are folded clothes on the floor that Snow must have brought over, so I close my eyes and slowly wave my hands over her as to change her clothing but also to try and close up any open cuts she may have on her body.

She will need to bathe and eat, but for now, this will do.

I look down again to her and frown at what she must have been going through without allowing anyone to help her; just holding it all in and trying to fight it alone, just as she has always had to. I see her frown again and start to shake in my arms, so without thinking I slowly bring my lips to her forehead and kiss her, and then whisper in her ears soothingly.

"Regina" I physically jump when I hear his voice, and look up to see Hook standing outside the cell.

He's has a pained expression on his face, and I see the Charming's are standing several feet behind him.

"How did you get in, and how did you get her to respond to you?" He asks gently, and I realize his pained expression is from the face that I've made more progress than he has, and in such a short amount of time.

"I don't know… It was hard, but I used magic to enter the cell…" I say to him, not daring looking into his eyes because I suddenly remember that Emma is with him, and that I had just been caught kissing her.

I suddenly feel so out of place.

I see Snow come forward towards the cell.

"Oh thank goodness Regina, I knew if anyone could get through to her it would be you." She smiles and her shoulders slowly deflate, as she seems to relax a bit at the thought.

"Thank you Regina, we just haven't been able to get through to her." Charming says, coming closer to the cell also.

"Yes, well I just had to push her, as you know if there is one thing we are good at it is fighting." I say and smile fondly, but as I look up I see Hook eyeing me curiously and look to the others quickly.

"Well, love, thanks for taking care of her for me. I would have been in there holding her too if I had magic to rely on." He says, as he smiles at me and I know its fake.

I see Charming look at him strangely; always oblivious to what is happening.

"Well I don't care how she did it, as long as she is helping Emma that is all I care about." Snow says, and it's then that I see the food tray in her hand.

"We brought some food when a few hours had passed and you didn't come out. Is there anything else that we can get you? I don't know if you were planning to stay in there or what…" Snow says looking down, and I know she wants me to stay but doesn't know how to ask.

"Well I would like to stay for as long as it takes to help, but I also need some clothing, and I will need to leave from time to time to see Henry" I say as Emma starts to squirm and its apparent that she will be waking soon.

"No worries about Henry Regina, we will keep him with us, and we will give him an update on what is happening. Please call if you need anything at all." Charming says, and then turns to Hook, "We should be heading out soon. We will wait for you up there."

"Snow will you pack me a bag, and tell Henry I will speak to him soon?" I say to them as they turn to leave.

"Ofcourse, and thank you again Regina. It's so good to have you back." Snow says with tears in her eyes and a small smile on her face.

As I look down I see that Emma is awake, and I can't help but smile down to her.

Hook clears his throat as if I could forget he is still there, but this also gets Emma's attention as she untangles herself from me and looks towards him.

"Hi Love, I just came to say good night, its so bloody good to have you look at me again." He says as he looks down blushing a bit, and then looking back at her, "I'll return tomorrow to see you again, I wont give up." He says, look right at me once more, before he smiles at Emma again.

"Hook… I don't think that's a good idea." Emma says, standing now, but not approaching him.

"Look I know you are scared, but I don't care, I will never stop fighting for you, you told me you loved me..." He says, getting a little more anxious and angry.

I look to Emma and see her looking at him. It's too intimate a moment so I look down.

"I know what I said, but things are different… Just please.. I cant deal with this right now…" She says, and I see her reverting back to how she was earlier, shrinking back into herself.

I get up immediately, and approach the cell bars.

"I think it would be best if you left, Atleast for now." I tell him because he is not helping the situation.

"I'll go Regina, and thank you. But I really do love her, and I will be back…" He says, looking over my shoulder one last time before he turns to leave.

I take a deep breath and try to calm all the feelings I have inside at what just happened as I turn around.

When I approach Emma I see that she is writing in her book again, but this time she is sitting on the bed and not in the corner on the floor so I guess I have to see that as progress.

…


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: Well here's another one.. I'm just on a roll. I am actually sad that I wont be able to update, but I am in desperate need of a vacation. I might be able to crank another chapter out before I leave... but if not.. I hope you enjoy this one. And as always, your reviews are like gold to me. Thank you!

I made a small error towards the end that I have fixed.

I know this chapter might be confusing but please stick with me :)

...

Chapter 18

It has been weeks since I woke up in this place, my real reality, and all I wish for is to go back to the other place, my other reality.

But then I know that wishes do not come true and I wouldn't deserve it if they did.

Is it really fair to get a glimpse of what could have been, only to wake up one day and realize that it will never be a reality? That the only person who is meant for me is a man who chose my sister over me? Is this what I am destined for in my life? To be alone, to belong with no one other than my son, who will one day have his own family, and ultimately leave as well.

To say that these past few weeks have been hard would be an understatement.

Most of my days are spent with Emma, and I will say that we have made some progress. She is now bathing regularly again, and is eating atleast twice a day.

She has even taken to reading the books that Snow had brought before I arrived.

So in that respect things have been going rather well.

After her initial breakdown that first day that I arrived she has not shed another tear. She also has not said much to me, although I have not said much either.

It seems that my presence alone is what is getting her to do those mundane tasks that we all do daily without much thought. And she is sleeping better as well, and by better I mean that she doesn't always wake up screaming, although she still does half of the time.

Some days I think she will wake up and everything will be back to normal, but then I think to myself, what the hell is normal? Were we ever normal in the first place? Did I want to be normal? No. Probably not, but I just wanted things to be better. I wanted to see a sliver of her old self instead of this tortured, angry and unsure person. A person that I see fighting the power she has, that destructive and greedy side that we all have that is just itching to take over. Most people will be lucky enough to never have to deal with such power and what it can do to a person, especially someone as good as her, someone who is torturing herself at the thought that she might hurt the people she loves.

I know that is her inner turmoil every day, and every night when she goes to sleep. And I know that my being here is helping her, even if she barely acknowledges me some days.

My torture is not only seeing her go through this, but also having to tell Henry every couple of days that not much has changed. Having to tell him that his mother is doing better but still refuses to leave that cell and still refuses to see him. My torture is seeing the dejected look on his face and seeing his hope fade more and more every day.

The hardest part of my day is when he comes to visit. And he makes sure to come every single day.

In the beginning he would just sit outside the cell and look at her like a wounded puppy. Then he would talk about how he and David were still searching for a way to break her free from being the dark one, but that would only upset her more and set her back so I told him never to bring that up again.

Sometimes she will actually look at him when he speaks to her and on those days he gets extra animated with her, and I can see how much he really does love her.

There are rare days when she actually goes to him and holds his hand through the bars, and on those days I have to excuse myself.

Actually I only had to see it once to realize that it was hurting me more than I wanted to admit.

After that first day she went to him I decided that I would take advantage of his visits and do whatever it was that I needed to do outside of the cell when he was there. I didn't always leave, but if I did I made sure it was during their time together.

I hated leaving her but I hated seeing them together more.

It wasn't as though they had these deep conversations, and weren't touching much; it was more surface talk than anything else. Such as what the weather was like, or what Henry was up to, or how Ruby was doing.

I like to think that he was more of a messenger than her… lover. He would talk about all of the things going on, and when it interested her then she would turn to him and sometimes ask questions or nod her head to show that she was listening.

Like today, before I left she was in a better mood than I had seen before, and I didn't want to leave because she was having such a great morning. When she got up, she went to the restroom and did her daily routine while I cleaned up a bit. The cell was large enough for two people to be in, and once it was apparent that I would be staying nights in there, I brought a bed in for myself, just a small twin for myself and actually brought one for her as well and had them against different walls.

She was humming to herself when she emerged from the restroom looking fresh and had a lightness to her that I hadn't seen in a long time.

Flashback**

 _As she emerged from the restroom I always had to avert my eyes and look busy because I didn't want it to seem as though I was hovering near the door._

 _But when I heard her humming softly to herself I couldn't help but look up._

 _She is just standing there and looking at me with small smile on her face_

 _"Morning dear, did you sleep okay?" I ask her trying to sounds as casual as possible._

 _"Yeah actually I did. How about you?" She asks as she sets her hair towel over the chair at her desk and then takes a seat on her bed._

 _"oh.. um.. well I slept very well too, thank you." I say and feel so strange speaking to her again, and even sillier at the way I responded. She had really caught me off guard._

 _She just continues to smile at me as she sits farther back on the bed so that her back is against the wall._

 _This is unusual for us because she usually takes a shower and then goes to her desk for a while, or sometimes she will also watch the television that I had brought down. But this time she just sits there and watches me as I walk around the room pretending to finish tidying up._

 _I have gotten used so her usual habits that this is throwing me off completely and I find that I have nothing else to really do so I take a seat at her desk and look towards her again._

 _We sit there for a few minutes in an awkward silence, and I find that I am also not the person I used to be because I would have snapped at her by now, or at least had some sort of remark to make about the way she is blatantly starting at me._

 _Instead I just sit there and look anywhere but at her._

 _I realize that I am tapping my fingers on the desk and move both of my hands to my lap and finally look up at her and notice that although she is looking at me, it's like her mind is somewhere else._

 _I take in her appearance and am happy to see that she has put on some weight and her face looks fuller than it has in some time. And although her hair is still wet it still looks much healthier than it had._

 _I have also brought back with me during my time away quite a bit of clothing for her as well as more books so that she is well stocked._

 _Today she is wearing a pair of her skin tight jeans and a long sleeved shirt. It is almost as though she is back to her old self._

 _I clear my throat as I begin to speak and it takes her out of her daydream._

 _"So.. what would you like to eat today?" I ask because at the moment I just don't know what else to say or do. I usually just magic up something most days, but since she seems to be doing well today I thought it would be okay to actually ask._

 _"I'd kill for some bacon and eggs…" she says, and as she says it her hand flies over her mouth and she looks mortified for a moment._

 _I am immediately off of the chair as I almost run to her and sit down next to her, but hesitate to touch her._

 _"I didn't mean it, you know I just meant that I haven't had bacon in a while…" she says and I latch onto her hand._

 _"Oh Emma, I know what you meant. And you mustn't be so hard on yourself. It's just a figure of speech, it's not like anything literal would come from it." I say assumingly as I brush the hair that has fallen to cover her face._

 _She's looking down and I pull her chin up, "Look at me, you needn't be so worried dear, I think that you deserve some greasy food for a change, even if it will help clog your arteries…" I smirk._

 _She laughs at this, though she still looks a bit mortified and I pull back to clear off the small table that we have in the center of the room._

 _I magic up a plate full of bacon and eggs for her and an omelet for myself and a large carafe of coffee for us to share._

 _She's still on the bed when I finally finish setting everything up so I go to her and kneel beside the end closest to her._

 _"I know you cannot resist, now come on before it gets cold, and maybe I'll even watch that cartoon with the talking dog again afterwards." I say and she begins to move slowly towards the food and finally stuffs an entire piece of bacon in her mouth._

 _I come to sit across her and as I start to sip my coffee she speaks up, "It's called Family Guy and it's a classic. You know you secretly love Stewie." She says as she picks up another piece of bacon and shoves it into her mouth._

 _"Yes well, the rest of that family is just ridiculous but the baby is quite entertaining." I say and can't help up smile at her as she continues to stuff her face as though the food is going to taken from her at any moment._

 _"You look so much like Henry right now." Comes out of my mouth as I bring my hand to her face and wipe food from the side of her lip._

 _This makes her look up at me curiously slightly leaning into my hand that has moved from her lip to her cheek and I quickly pull my hand back._

 _I had done it without thinking and it was like my body just did things around her without my brain having time to process it._

 _But she just smiles at me again and looks down, grabbing more food to shovel into her mouth._

 _After that we both sit in companionable silence for the remainder of our meal and I think that this could be the start of her real recovery. If we have more days like this than maybe I can actually get her out of this damn cell and back into the real world._

 _After we finish up I place the plates on a tray in the corner of the cell to take home later and make my way to my bed to sit down as she turns on the television._

 _I had brought much of Henry's and her DVD collection down for her with the TV for her to watch._

 _Today she sits next to me instead of sitting on her bed and as the show start playing I can't help but feel her presence next to me._

 _I can tell that her mind is somewhere else because she hasn't said a word or really moved. I glance to my side a few times and see that she looks deep in thought and I wish I could read her mind. Just to know what she was thinking right now._

 _After a few episodes she finally turns to me, "I think I would like to see Henry, not for long maybe just a few minutes." She says and finally lets out a deep breath she must have been holding._

 _This takes me by surprise because I really didn't think she was ready for it, but I was so relieved to hear her say it. Henry would be so happy and he needed some hope right about now._

 _"What do you think" she says and I realize that I haven't responded to her._

 _"I think that's a wonderful idea. But only if you are ready, and know he will be so pleased to see you." I tell her and I can't help but pull her into a gentle hug._

 _She leans further into me and also brings her arms around me and it is a little awkward because we are still sitting on the bed, but it feels nice._

 _She pulls away and I can see that a few tears have escaped her eyes, as she tried to quickly wipe them away I look towards the TV again pretending not to notice._

 _After that we sit in a comfortable silence for a little while later except for the television, and every now and then I hear her chuckle and look towards me. I smile back to her but I have no clue about what is happening, as I am lost in my own thoughts._

 _I think about Henry's face and how delighted he will be when I give him the good news. I also think of Snow and can already picture her crying when she finds out. Since Emma still doesn't want to see her parents but if she is willing to see Henry then maybe she will be willing to forgive them as well._

 _I am pulled from my thoughts as I hear a tap on the cell bars and look to my right to see none other than Hook on the other side smiling at us both._

 _I look to Emma who is also looking at him but she doesn't get up or make an attempt to say anything to him, and for that moment I am glad about it._

 _"Hello Love, it's so good to see you in your regular clothes today, and I must say you look absolutely stunning…" he says to her as he looks her up and down and I have to bite back the remark that is begging to come out of my mouth._

 _Really, this is the first thing he notices. And what a way to show the woman you love that you approve by leering at her._

 _It's absolutely disgusting and I can tell instantly that Emma feels uncomfortable by the way she squeezes my hand._

 _Wait a minute, I had not even realized that we were holding hands, and as I try to remember when it happened I cannot. But I squeeze back nonetheless to reassure her that she is going to be okay._

 _She smiles at me then, and let's go of my hand as she stands and turns off the television._

 _"I've brought you your favorite pastry, what's it called? Oh right, a bears claw, I thought we could share it." he says as he smirks at her and takes a seat on the chair outside the cell._

 _"Oh, well Regina already got us breakfast…" Emma says as she takes the chair near the desk and guides it toward him._

 _He looks down, and even I feel sorry for him, and she must too because she sits next to him and reaches for it through the bars._

 _"But I could never say no to a bear claw." As she open the bag pulls it out and takes a bite._

 _He perks up at this and smiles widely at her, and it send a pain to my gut to see the gesture. To see them interacting so easily as her and I were a few moments ago._

 _She really must love him, and the way she is responding to him right now is proof of it._

 _I need to get out of here, so I quickly get off of the bed and start to gather the things I will take with me, my back completely towards them._

 _"Hey, wwhh…where are you going?" she asks in a tentative voice so I turn around and she's right there behind me, so close that I bump into her as I turn._

 _I look into her eyes and see that she is not okay; she looks frightened._

 _I realize now that she's trying to act like things are normal again but they are far from it and I realize that this whole thing with Hook might just be a facade. Maybe she's even trying to fool herself, but I see through it now._

 _"I… well I thought I could get a few things done while you spend time with your… with Hook." I say looking down and continuing to gather my things._

 _"But things were going so well, are you sure you want to leave" she asks a little meekly, her eyes pleading with me. But as I look behind her I cant stand to be here any longer and I don't feel its right to subject myself to this, even for her._

 _I put my hands on her shoulders and look at her, "Emma you will be fine, I want to go tell Henry the good news and I have a few things to take care of. I won't be gone long, plus I thought you might want some alone time." I say gesturing towards him behind her._

 _She looks down for a minute, as if she has to psych herself up to it, and then I see her plaster a fake smile on her face, "Oh yeah, it will be nice to spend some time with him since I'm having a better day than usual." Then she looks towards him and smiles again. He smiles back while eating that damn pastry._

 _This takes me by surprise and I do not know what to make of it. Why would she need to psych herself up for this? Is it really that difficult for her to spend time with him, did she have to do the same with me?_

 _I just need to get away for a bit, call it cabin fever, but I needed some fresh air, and I needed to talk to someone._

 _"Alright well, I'll leave you two too it. You can reach me on my cell if you need me." I say and I rub her shoulder one more time and nod to Hook before I transport myself home._

End Flashback***

At home I had put the dishes in the sink and my clothes in my hamper before I cleaned up and headed to the diner.

I needed to talk to someone about all of this and the only person who I think would be able to listen would be Ruby.

Its true that I haven't even seen her since my return except from afar when I am running quick errands between my time with Henry and Emma. But I feel as though I am at a breaking point again and she is the only one who I can think of.

"Good afternoon Regina, what can I get ya?" she asks as she walks up to me.

"Hello Miss Lucas…I mean... Ruby." I say smiling to her a little shyly and she looks up at me surprised.

Then a knowing smile appears on her face.

She looks around at the mostly empty diner and then shouts to Granny that she's going on her break.

She then surprises me when she takes me by the hand and leads me out outside and towards a park.

She looks over her shoulder as I just follow her too confused as to what is happening to actually stop her.

Once we are halfway there, I finally realize we are out in public and pull my hand away from her.

"What do you think you are doing Miss Lucas?" I say to her because old habits really are hard to break.

"Oh cut the bullshit Regina. You really had me fooled, but I knew there was something different about you." She says, smiling again and gestures towards a secluded area of the park and a small bench.

We both take a seat and she just looks at me pensively for a few minutes before she smiles again to herself.

"Oh please just spit it out and wipe that damn smile off of your lips" I say although I find myself smiling before I can help it as I push her shoulder.

This feels weird, its like we have always been friends, and I feel so comfortable with her.

"Okay fine, I remember… I remember something that couldn't have possibly happened, and I thought it was all in my head until you just called me Ruby in the diner." She says looking so deeply in my eyes.

Could it be possible that she remembers? I don't want to get my hopes up.

"I don't know what you are talking about…" I feign ignorance.

"Well you have never called me Ruby for one, and I know you remember too, but the real question is…. What the hell happened?" she asks incredulously.

"Oh, if only I knew… I don't know what is real anymore and you are the only one who can help me." I say to her in a serious tone, and she takes my hand in hers, and I feel like I finally let go of this knot that has been in my chest for weeks.

…..


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: Okay! This is the last one for a while. May be a week or two before I can update again. But thank you all for the support. And as always, Please review, I love to hear your feedback!

….

Chapter 19

When I first came looking for Ruby I never imagined that she would have any recollection of what happened in my other reality.

I only wanted someone to confide in, and I knew that she had been so understanding the first time that maybe she would be with me here as well.

But as we both sit on this park bench I just am at a loss for words.

If she could remember what happened then that had to mean that Emma did too.

Then there was Henry, and how he had mentioned the diner and that breakfast we had with Emma and I know that had never happened here. So it seemed to me that the alternate place I had been going to was somehow blending in with real time. But how was it possible?

Although I would believe that anything was possible after all that we had been through in the last couple of years.

But then again nothing should surprise me anymore.

Especially after figuring out that I had just been a pawn in Rumple grand scheme of things.

And mother had basically raised me to be someone that she could use and manipulate to gain power.

It seemed as though we were all just pawns and the author was just doing as he pleased and we had no choice in the matter.

If there was a proper order to how things were supposed to be then I had no clue what it was.

I turn to Ruby, "I'm not really sure… What do you know.. about .." I look down as I don't even know what I am asking her.

"Hey it's okay, I haven't said anything to anyone, and honestly like I said, I thought it was just me having these memories…" She says looking at me, still not really saying anything.

"Oh for heaven's sake Ruby, what do you remember or think you remember? I am just so tired of it all and I need to know that I am not somehow losing my mind." I tell her hastily.

"I remember you and I speaking at your house because you invited me over, but it was before the curse broke. It's a bit hazy like I just remembered it one day even though it happened so long ago. I didn't remember before but it just came to me, and then I was like.. oh yeah." She says to me and I honestly have no clue what she is saying.

"I have no clue what that means!" I tell her frustrated.

"Okay it's like when you suddenly remember something that happened in your childhood that you maybe didn't think about for a while, but then someone mentions it to you and you actually do remember it. Kind of like that, except I just woke up one morning and I could remember these things." She says and it is starting to make sense to me.

"Is there anything else that you remember?" I ask her, peering at her from the corner of her eye.

"Yes, but I don't want you to be upset with me." she says looking back at me, and actually sitting closer to me than she was before.

"Just tell me, I will not be upset, but I need to hear you say it." I tell her and there is a tremor to my voice as I whisper it out.

"I remember you and Emma, there was definitely something going on between the two of you." She says bringing her voice down to a whisper like mine had.

"I, how, I cannot believe it, I thought it was just me who had to live with those memories alone for the rest of my life." I say, tears springing to my eyes as I look away as to not show her my weakness.

"I don't understand what happened Regina, how did I not realize it before about you and Emma? It's like it just all clicked one day, and it makes so much sense." She says, slowly taking my hand.

"It does? How? How could any of this make sense to you, because it certainly does not to me?" I tell her honestly.

"I don't know, but it just does. Think about it; think about it from the beginning. There was always something there, always this pull, hell I felt it and I wasn't even involved. You can't tell me you never noticed it. You had to have. You were there, and I have the memories now to prove them." She says to me, slightly smiling.

"I need to tell you something Ruby, and I hope you can keep this between us as I am not even really sure what happened but I cannot keep it to myself any longer. And I am trusting you so please, just promise me this will only be between us." I tell her.

"I promise, if it will help things with you and Emma, if it will help Emma, then I am willing to do whatever it takes." She tells me and this time I squeeze her hand and smile at her, she really is such a good person.

"Hello you two, I thought it was you…" Snow says walking up to us and we immediately jump apart.

"Hello Snow." I say and try to hide the fact that my heart is pounding hard in my chest, I hope she did not hear any of what we had said to one another.

"What are you two doing here? Ruby I went to the diner because I thought we were having lunch together…" she says eyeing us suspiciously.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry I totally forgot and then I saw Regina and I.. um.. I wanted to know how Emma was doing." She says looking from Snow to me, and winking at me and smiling.

The wink, although I know is playful, brings a flush to my face and I can already see the wheels turning in Snow's mind when I look up at her. She is trying to figure us both out, ever the inquisitive one.

"Yes, I was giving Emma some time with the pirate, and thought I could use some fresh air…" I say, "I saw Miss Lucas earlier and she inquired about your daughter so I asked her if she wanted perhaps to take a walk." As I finish what I am saying I realize that this sounds almost plausible, but also doesn't sound anything like me.

"You asked Ruby to go for a walk with you at the park." She says almost jealous, and then she seems to snap out of it, "How is Emma?" She asks, burrowing her brow in concern and taking a seat in front of us on the grass.

"She is actually doing quite well today. She was up, and in a pleasant mood most of the morning. I really think we are making progress, although I do not want to push her." I say and I can't help but smile a bit at the memory of our morning.

I see Ruby looking at me from the corner of my eye, and I quickly turn my face serious again.

"She wants to see Henry." I say, this time looking at Snow.

"Oh wow, that's wonderful news, I can't wait to tell Charming, he will be so delighted. Do you think we should arrange a dinner for her at our place, like a little homecoming, maybe I should contact Granny and do it at the diner instead…" she is talking a mile a minute and I have to cut her off.

"Snow! Listen to yourself, what is the matter with you. She said she thinks she would like to see her son for a few minutes. Not the entire town, and certainly not you and Charming. I do not mean to be crass, but just think for one minute about someone other than yourself. She is not ready for all of that, I am honestly not sure if she is really ready to even see our son yet." I say as I stand and start pacing around.

Snow has a way of getting me worked up so easily, and can irritate me like no one else.

I wonder if she will ever grow up, but then I guess if she was going to change it would have happened already. Snow, although sickeningly sweet, is the most selfish and narrow-minded person I have ever known. I love her, but Lord knows most days she is so hard to deal with.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Ruby behind me, "Are you okay?" she asks and I can see the genuine concern on her face.

I nod yes, and she gestures back to the park bench for me to sit. As I sit I see that Snow is looking down.

She looks up to me and I see tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry Regina, I just want her to come back to us so badly. And when you said she was doing better I just got my hopes up." She sniffles out.

I know how she feels but I just cannot show it, I need to stay strong.

"Have any of you found out anything new? Are there any updates at all?" I ask looking between both of them.

"No, nothing new, although we have reached out to other lands for help. Ofcourse we haven't told anyone that it's Emma, but we have reached out in hopes of getting help." Snow says, and starts getting up.

"I have to head back to the office now, but I will keep you informed if I hear anything." Snow says and I nod to her.

"Ruby we need to talk later!" Snow gives her a pointed look.

"Bye Regina." Snow says as she comes over and squeezes my shoulder.

"Goodbye" I say, and wait until she is far enough before I turn to Ruby who is looking at me curiously again.

"What is it now?" I ask her.

"Nothing. But I have to go back to work now Regina." She says as she starts to get up.

"No, I know there is something that you are not telling me. Just tell me, I cannot take anymore liars in my life." I tell her honestly, and she must see the pleading in my eyes.

"It's just that Snow might think that there is something going on between us." She says, her cheeks tingeing red as she looks down.

"What?!" I shout loud enough for other to look in our direction.

"Why on earth would she think that? I knew I saw something cross her face when she first walked up. I swear that woman lives in a fairytale… uggh I meant she is just delusional." I whisper to Ruby.

"It's not exactly that farfetched since I have always found you attractive Regina, and she had asked me before who my girl crush was." she says, still looking down and tucking her bangs behind her ear.

"Girl crush? What are you? A bunch of teenagers?" I ask.

"Look we were drinking one day, and this was after the curse had broken and we were celebrating when you guys rescued Henry and she kept on talking about how you and Emma had saved Henry. Anyway we were drunk talking about girly stuff and when she saw me staring at you from across the room so I told her it was just a girl crush. After that it's been this ongoing thing between us, and she always teases me about it." she finishes I am just shocked.

"So do you have feeling for me?" I ask her, a little too bluntly.

"Look, I just think you are gorgeous and pretty amazing but I would never try anything. I mean you found Robin shortly after that so I figured that you two would be it for each other, you know?" she asks, and I nod yes.

"But then you guys broke up, and now you are with Emma… and I really just want to be here for you." She says in one breath.

"I am not with Emma. I don't know will happen with Robin, although I do not wish to be with him any longer. But I am looking for friendship right now. I am sorry that is all I can offer. There is just so much going on, and well… I still have things I need to tell you." I tell her as gently as I can because I don't want to lose this tentative friendship that we are building.

"No I totally get it, and I wasn't ever planning on telling you all of that, but I just thought you should know, especially since Snow has seen us together." She says and starts to walk towards the diner.

"I'm sorry but I have to run, but please call me later. I really do think we need to talk about what happened, and what is happening here now. Tell Em I said hi, and think about what I said. There was always something there with you two, think about it and I'm sure you'll see it too." She says as she winks at me again, and then runs off.

…..

I go home and start the laundry and pack the things I will need for the next few days with Emma.

But all the time I am doing this I am thinking about Ruby, and what she said.

If she could remember what happened then there had to be a link somewhere that I was missing. The only way that she could have any memory of what happened was if it was in fact real. It was the same with Henry, he had remembered that breakfast we had as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. There had to be a reason that I was sent back.

Maybe I was looking at it all wrong. Maybe being sent back was my second chance at a happy ending after all.

Maybe this was Operation Mongoose and I didn't even realize it.

Had I been asking the wrong questions all along, looking in the wrong places.

When Henry and I set out to find the author and have him give me my happy ending I had always imagined it to be with Robin but maybe I was wrong. Maybe that's why I was sent back, so that I could see what was in front of me all along.

"Oh my" I whisper to myself as I think back to everything that had taken place before that dreadful night when Emma saved my life and my soul.

I think back to the past, to the first time I met Emma, and how I treated her and I know now that if I had just been kind to her things would have been different.

Ruby was right, the signs were there but I was too absorbed in other thing, things that didn't matter once the curse broke.

But what did it matter now? Now I had knowledge of what could have been. Now I knew what it was like to have Emma want me, and now she wanted him. Now she was the Dark One and there was nothing I could do to save her.

All I could do was try to be there for her as she spent her days locked up in some hole and tried not to let the darkness take over, and murder us all.

But today had been a good day. And I should focus on the good, and not dwell on what could have been.

I had to focus on the fact that she wanted to see Henry, and that was definitely a good start.

From there, who knows what else will be possible.

….


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The quiet can be so deafening sometimes.

I don't know how long I have been sitting here when I hear Henry's footsteps heading towards me.

But I do know that I have had the chance to finish almost half of my bottle of cider that I had on reserve, or really just hidden in one of my drawers in my study.

I don't know how it even started, the drinking I mean.

I was just sitting here and thinking about her, and about second chances, and all of a sudden all I wanted was to relive those moments we shared in this very room.

I want to feel the heat of the fire on our skin; I want to feel her heat on my skin.

Oh how the mind can be such a dangerous thing.

Looking up, I shake my head and try to clear those thoughts, as I smile towards Henry, who is just standing at the door looking at me, or at least I try to smile, but I think I failed because his brows crease in concern.

I look away; try to hide my face in embarrassment. Who was I kidding… allowing Emma to invade my mind like this.

How could I want something that isn't real? I am not some child who believes in fantasies or fairytales... even if my entire life has been dictated by some stupid book and author.

Then something clicks finally. I look towards him, standing so uncertainly in my doorway.

My boy, my life… he is the new author. How could I forget?

"Oh no Henry!" I cry out as tears start running down my face and he finally runs towards me.

"Mom, what is it? What happened?" he whispers as he comes to sit beside me on the floor.

What am I even doing on the floor? It's then that I realize that the room is trashed but I cannot even recall how it happened.

I look towards Henry, who is studying me closely while he situates himself directly in front of me with his hands on my shoulders.

It makes me cry even more. How could I have been so selfish? How could I forget such a thing about my child?

I haven't even had the chance to fully come to terms with the fact that my son is the next author. Something so incredibly important that no one has even bothered to talk about since this whole mess happened.

My boy, who is actually turning into a man, and an amazing man at that.

Unlike most of the pitiful men I've known in my life, even my father, who I loved so much, was never the man I needed him to be.

"Mom please, what happened? It is Emma?" he says to me pleadingly, and I just cup his face and really look at him.

"What did I do to deserve you? Surely it was a mistake, for me to get so lucky to have you." I say to him swaying a bit.

My eyes are getting heavier as I look into his eyes.

"I love you so much Henry, but I can't make it better. I tried so hard sweetheart." I tell him, as I rub his cheeks as his own tears start to leak slowly out.

And I did try, from the beginning to be a good mother to him. To be everything to him that Cora was never for me. To give him everything he could ever want or need. I even considered getting closer to Graham so that he could be a good role model to Henry, a father figure. But that all changed; she came in and showed me that I knew absolutely nothing.

"I was so wrong…" I slur out, now leaning my head forward and on his shoulder.

She broke all the parenting rules and Henry still loved her, even more so because of it.

All those times, those determined eyes, her shoulder set defiantly and ready for whatever came her way.

All the things I ever wanted in a man.

Someone unwavering and unwilling to back down for what they believe in, even if it was against everything that was considered right or good. She was still the savior in the end, however unconventional she was, this town accepted her with open arms.

If only I had accepted her too. Where would we be today?

I hear Henry say something and turn to see he is on the phone, and looking at me with so much concern.

I can't possibly have this breakdown in front of him, and I can already feel it coming. My magic is unstable, and I am scared I may not be able to contain it much longer.

"It's ok… sweetheart, don't worry." I wave my hand in the air, and reach for something to grab and pull myself up.

"I am just a little tired is all. I may go lie down for a bit." I tell him and get up, most ungracefully and start walking towards the door.

Getting to the stairs with as much dignity as I can takes more time and focus than I expected. I am trying so hard to walk straight that I do not hear Henry until he's standing directly in front of me, "Mom can you hear me? Maybe you should sit down for a bit, I can get you some water. Have you eaten today?" He asks.

Who is the parent here?

"Henry, don't worry. I'm okay. I ate with your mother this morning…" I say as I walk around him and start to climb the stairs.

I'm on my knees before I know it, and realize that I am really in no condition to walk.

I turn to my left and see Henry reaching for me.

I can't help the laugh that falls from my mouth.

I look over to him, and he looks like he doesn't know what to do, and it makes me laugh more until I'm crying again.

What a pathetic person I've become.

"What would your mother think of me now?" I ask him, "Would she even want me anymore?" I ask as I look at him, and this makes him quirk his head and look at me a little differently.

"Mo.." I cut him off before he can speak.

"To think she actually wanted me in the first place. And now look at me, a stumbling drunk who can't even climb the stairs." I laugh to myself again, and this time when Henry tried to pull me up I pull him down so he on the stairs next to me.

"Actually maybe that's exactly what she wants, since she is with that one handed fool. He's such a poor excuse of a man, and she still stays with him." I snark.

"Mom, what are you talking about? Did something happen between you and.." he asks, and because of the liquor coursing through my veins, or just because I cant hold it in anymore I decide to tell him everything.

"Oh honey if you only knew… " I start and just let if all out, the diner incident and her moving in with us. I just tell him everything.

We sit there for what seems like hours, and I know by the end of it I am starting to sober a bit. But not enough to spare him some intimate details I would have not otherwise shared.

"So you think she might have been your second chance?" Henry finally asks

after it had been silent for quite some time.

"I honestly have no clue, dear. I am just so exhausted." I tell him, and reach for his hand, pulling it into my lap and holding tight.

"But mom, this is great news. I mean I liked Robin for you because I mean, we thought he would make you happy but, look where that lead." He says, actually smiling a bit at the end. "It's like you had to go through all of this to get to her…" He says.

"Are you telling me that you are okay with what I've told you? I know this is a lot to take in, I don't even understand it." I tell him and lean back on the stairs that we are still sitting on and rest my head back.

"Mom after everything we have been through, do you really need to ask me that?" he sounds offended and I sit up immediately.

"Oh no, I know you have been through too much for your age, and I never wanted you to have to worry about all of this…"

"No, Mom, you listen for a second okay?" he says, and I smile at him nodding yes.

"Okay, so from what you told me, which is not surprising considering everything else that has happened since the curse broke… you somehow went back in time and you used that time to befriend Emma and let her live with us, and you eventually even…." He stops there and grimaces a little.

"Yes, sorry okay, I was not thinking clearly enough to filter some of what I told you, please just don't look at me like that." I tell him and immediately a flush takes over my face.

"No its okay, I mean, it's not okay for you to tell me those details.. like ever again… but I am glad that you finally trust me enough to tell me. And I'm not a kid mom; I signed on for Operation Mongoose and am willing to go wherever it may lead." He says and I am shocked.

"But honey do you understand what this means? That I've ruined everything and it will never be okay, it will never work out." I muster out, my voice strained at the end.

"That's where you are wrong mom. I mean, I need to think more about this, ofcourse. But I really just want you to be happy. Seeing you in that coma, and not having Emma with me, well… it made me realize a lot of things…" He says, this time looking down and I can tell that the mood has shifted again.

"What things, dear?" I ask gently.

"That I was so horrible to you for so long. All you ever did was love me, and I was so selfish, and I said such bad things, mom I'm so sorry." He says, and I can tell that he has his own demons that he's fighting as well.

"Oh no, Henry, look at me," I say and turn him towards me.

"You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, I love you so much. I know that most if not all of what happened was my fault. You were young, and so hopeful and I made you think you were going crazy. I was the parent and I should have done more. You cannot blame yourself sweetheart, I was the adult, not you. But it means so much to me to know that you are sorry for what you did, because it did hurt. Not matter if I deserved it, it hurt me so very deeply." I confess to him, and actually feel some weight lifting off of my shoulders as he moves closer to me and hugs me to his side.

"Honey, I really wish you did not have to see me like this. But I do have some good news for you. Why don't we go into the kitchen and I will warm up some food for you and we can discuss it." I tell him, and I rise off of the stairs, feeling numbness in my legs and rear from being in such a position for so long.

"Actually dear, I need to get cleaned up first, so why don't you do the same and I will meet you I the kitchen in say… 30 minutes." I ask as I help pull him up and start dusting off his clothes.

"Okay, mom, and uh… thanks again for telling me. We are gonna make it all better, I promise." He says as he smiles up at me and I see a bit of a devilish grin. I know that smile, and I know that he is already up to something in his mind.

"Alright dear, I'll see you shortly." I say as I start to ascend the stairs.

….

It felt nice to spend time with Henry, so much so that I did not want to return to Emma's cell that night. I didn't want her to think that I was abandoning her, but at the same time I had barely spent any time with Henry in so long and I knew we needed it.

After getting cleaned up, and by that I mean going upstairs and taking some Advil for my throbbing head and also taking a shower.

I then called Snow and told her that I would be spending the night at home with Henry, and also if she could have Ruby drop off some food for Emma, and let her know that I would return the following day.

I felt nervous for being away from her especially with all the progress she made, but I had to take time for myself, and for our son. I just hope that she doesn't fall back into the despair that had set in before.

After dinner we decided to go up to my room and watch television in my bed.

I missed the mundane things such as this.

Henry would always want to watch scary shows as a child, but would scare easily and end up cuddled up in bed with me. I always cherished those moments.

I told him that for tonight we could pretend that things were normal, and so far he was doing a great job.

"Mom, can I ask you a question?" he asked while our eyes were both trained on the television.

"Ofcourse dear."

"Do you love her? "He says so nonchalantly, but I can't hide the surprised gasp that escapes my mouth.

"I don't think I can answer that honestly dear. It's so much more complicated than a simple yes or no." I tell him, fully turning to face him.

"But you love grams, I can tell, and even gramps, I can see it in the way you laugh at him when he's having one of his not-so-smart moments." He says, and I try to think of a way to explain.

"Yes that's true, I have grown to love our family Henry, but Emma is a different story altogether. If you asked me before all of this happened if I loved Emma my answer would be yes. It would be in the way you love people in your family, or your friends that you grow to love." I tell him.

"Well was that so hard then was it?" he teases and at that moment he seems like the younger Henry; always cheeky and ready to poke fun.

"Well it is actually harder than that, dear" I poke him in his stomach and he laughs.

"Why's it different with Emma? I'm just trying to understand if all that happened when you went back in time… how come you didn't know?"

He has me stumped. How can I explain something to him that I don't even fully understand?

If I'm truthful with myself, she has always been an enigma, someone who could push my buttons. I guess it was time that I am truthful with him as well.

"I going to be completely honest with you right now Henry. Please try to understand that as we get older things get less and less black and white and there are a lot of grey areas… Do you understand what I mean?" I ask, and I can already see the wheels turning in his head. He is so smart and I am so proud of him for always trying so hard to understand things.

"Yeah I think so."

"Well I think that when it comes to Emma, I have always felt things for her. But because I wasn't used to those kinds of emotions, I just thought they were something else and I fought it. Remember at the time, I was fighting hard to hold onto you, and the curse hadn't broken yet. I pushed her very hard when I thought she was going to take away everything I had worked so hard for, everything I sacrificed would have been for nothing. I couldn't let that all go without a fight." I say to him, and he nods enthusiastically.

"So how was it different when you went back?" he asks, and I am glad to be able to speak so freely with him.

"It was different because I already knew that there was no fighting the inevitable. I knew that it was going to happen, and at the point I was already friends with

Emma here and didn't see her as a threat. So when I woke up in that other time I decided to just see how things would be if we didn't fight." I tell him, but it's almost like I am speaking to myself. Having never rehashed all that had happened; now it was all making too much sense.

"And that's how you ended up liking eachother? I mean mom I can remember some of the things you told me earlier when you were more… uhh… drunk. You talked about the diner, which I remember and when we watched the moves together. But I don't remember the other times…" He says.

"That's because you may have been at school, or asleep or in another room, dear. I know you try to have your eyes and ears everywhere, but that's not always the case." I say playfully to him and he blushes.

"So was your kiss magical? Why didn't it break the curse right there and then?" He asks, and there he goes again about the fairytales.

"I'm not sure dear, but as I told you before, I didn't know how I felt, and the first I kissed your mother I actually thought it had been Robin." I say, and now it was me who was blushing and ducking down.

"So tell me how you knew that you felt different about her, I read in the book that Snow White and Prince Charming also didn't get along at first…" He says, getting a dreamy kind of look on his face.

"My my Henry, I never knew you were such the romantic." I say, and he blushes even more.

"Mooooom, c'mon, get back to your story, I wanna know what Ma did that changed your mind." He says eagerly and sits up in the bed.

I put my hand on his cheek then, and caress it as he leans into my touch. I hope he never changes, this amazing young man.

"Alright, back to the story as you call it. Well at first it was strange to be back to a time when things were so bad between you and I. But then Emma was different as well. The less that I pushed her the more I found myself being drawn to her. Her piercing green eyes, and that infectious laugh. I daresay I hadn't laughed like that in so long. And when she moved in it was nice having someone around. but more than that, it was nice having her around. She tried to help in little ways that she didn't think I would notice, but I always did." I told him.

"Like what?" he asked?

"Like small things, if we were almost out of milk then a new bottle would appear. Or the dishes in the dishwasher would be put away. Or the trash, she made sure to take it out everynight. Even on the nights she worked late, I always left it to see if she would do it, and every morning the would be a fresh trashbag, and I even left things laying around in the kitchen to see what would happen…."

"But I don't get it, whats the big deal? Isn't that what people normally did for eachother?" he asks.

"Perhaps yes, Henry, but try to remember that I raised you by myself and have always done everything by myself. And I never once asked her to do these things. I think… to me.. it meant so much more to me than some grand gesture. It showed that she cared, and she was trying to contribute. She also learned just how I liked my coffee…. After several failed attempts, and always had a fresh cup ready on my early mornings." I say as I think back to all these moments, they bring a smile to my face. I never added it all up, but as I tell him I see now just how hard she tried.

"Mom you have to know that she was nothing like that, the one year we spent out of Storybrook. To be honest, she was kind of the slob, and I usually cleaned." He said smiling at me.

This shocked me because I had never really been exposed to that side of her, but it made our moments together that much more special. I couldn't contain the large grin on my face.

"Yes… well I'm sure she was just scared that I might kick her to the curb, dear." I rationalize with him.

"No way mom, I think it sounds a lot like love. That's what you do when you love someone…" He says and I cannot hide the blush that rises again to my cheeks.

"Yes I suppose you are right." I say to him.

"And mom.."

"Yes?" I ask.

"It sounds like you are in love with her too." He says as he smiles and turns in bed, putting out his light and throws over his shoulder, "Good night, love you."

Shock evident on my face, I turn to turn off my light as the words he said sink in, and I cannot help but agree with him.

"Yes Henry, Good night, and I love you too.

…


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The next few days were uneventful except for the fact that Emma was psyching

herself in and out of seeing Henry.

I had told him that evening that we had spent together over dinner, and he was both excited and scared to see his mother in such a state.

I had consoled him and told him that she was doing her best, and until we could find a way to help her, he just needed to stay strong.

Those were easy words to say, but doing was in entirely different thing altogether.

When I returned to the cell the next day something seemed to have shifted between Emma and I.

I myself knew that I could no longer deny my feeling for her, but how would I act as if I didn't feel that way when I was with her.

I caught myself staring longingly at her when she wasn't looking, and even caught her staring back at me at times as well.

Things also shifted because it seemed as though she was back to being quiet again. She said minimal words to me, and seemed to be even more engrossed with her writing in that damn notebook.

So instead of trying to pry it out of her I just decided to go on as we had been before, and hopefully she would start to open up to me soon.

But it was as if she was even more on edge lately, and it wasn't just because of seeing Henry.

It seemed like she was struggling more and more, and I swear that sometimes she would start to sweat and her breathing would become erratic, but she was still just sitting quietly like nothing was wrong.

So many times, I wanted to just reach out to her, to ask her to share what was troubling her, but I couldn't find the words.

What sort of demons was she fighting? I only wish she would speak to me.

I noticed her hand clenching and opening up while we were watching television, it had to be early afternoon and it had been a very quiet morning.

As I was finally about to build the courage to finally ask her what was wrong, Ruby decided to grace us with her presence.

I have to say I minded her the least when it came to visitors, but I feel like I had finally built up the courage to confront Emma on what was going on.

Instead I turn towards Ruby as she walks up to the cell with two bags in her hand, and an encouraging smile on her face.

"Hey Em, I thought I'd bring you and Regina some lunch." She said as she sauntered up to the cell bars.

As soon as she heard Ruby's voice I could see her physically stiffen, and without thinking I quickly put my hand on her thigh, which was her closest body part to me in order to soothe her somehow.

It was an intimate gesture, and I regretted it almost immediately, especially since it made Emma jump off the bed and away from me.

She seemed to also mumble something to herself, and shake her head at nothing really, and it felt like a stab in my heart that she jumped so quickly from my touch. It makes me wonder more often than not what exactly I am doing here. How am I of any help to her at all when she barely speaks to me, and I swear we have these moments when things feel right, only to be ruined by moments like what just took place.

I swallow back the tears as I stand and immediately look towards Ruby.

If she saw this she paid no mind to it as she started passing things through the bars, and laying them on a table within reach. I'm thankful that she did not react to it.

It seemed that I no longer knew how to act around anyone as I dusted off my pants. I looked to Emma to see her approaching the food, and could vaguely hear Ruby speaking to her in a more hushed and sensitive voice. This was something they did from time to time, almost like Emma was able to tolerate and open up to Ruby more than the others.

I decided to take this as my cue to go to the restroom and make myself scarce for a few moments.

I immediately locked the door and let out a sob that I had been holding in. Gasping out I reach for the counter and look at myself in the mirror.

I looked a mess, and wondered when I had just let go. How long had it been since I had worn a power suite or even a nice dress?

Ofcourse I knew there would be no reason to dress in such a way while being in a cell all day, but it felt like I was losing myself in the process.

Or I was becoming the woman I was always meant to be, but always hid.

Either way, things were definitely changing within me and I didn't know who this new vulnerable, emotional mess was.

What was she doing to me?

I always prided myself on my looks, on my power, and the ability I had to take control of a room just by walking in it in. And now look at me?

But the thing was… I felt freer being this person than I had when I was who my mother molded me to be.

If only I had let Emma see this side of me before…

I hear yelling and head towards the room that they are in. As I walk out I don't quite understand what is happening.

Ruby is holding Emma's notebook and standing far away from the cell, but she's not the one who I am worried about.

Emma has her hands through the cell and she's reaching for Ruby with all that she has. She's trashing around and banging on the bars, and yelling intelligible things.

"Emma please, why have you been hiding this? I can help you, this is not your fault and you are not going crazy. How could you thin.." Ruby tried to reason with her, but she's not having it.

"Give it back right now Ruby, I'm warning you. You shouldn't meddle in things you know nothing about. You should know better than to touch my shit, I could kill you….." Emma is shouting and I can see she is losing control.

I immediately rush to her side, and try to calm her down as I see her body starting to shake from anger.

"Emma, what." I start to say as I put a hand on her shoulder and she quickly grabs my hand and twists it while pushing me back and into a nearby wall. I am thrown off by her strength and force and it literally knocks the wind out of me.

That's when I realize that there was a blast behind her push and she used her magic.

"Emma please.." I say as I try to get back up.

I notice behind her that Ruby is closer to the cell now, and I can tell that fear is flashing in her eyes.

"Just shut the fuck up, both of you. And actually get the fuck out of here." She says panting and then shes mumbling to herself again. Then she looks to me with such remorseful eyes, but then in a flash its replaced with something else and I can see her eyes growing darker and I know she's losing control.

Its like she losing a battle with herself, and then all of a sudden she is grinning at me.

"Or, on second thought. Why don't you stay, and come a little closer while you're at it." she says as she slowly stalks closer to me, and I see hunger flash in her eyes. She's almost stalking up to me like I am her prey.

"Emma don't…" Ruby pleas.

Emma turns to her, slowly stopping her stride and grins at Ruby.

"Oh don't worry Rubes, you can have her when I'm finished with her. I know you always had a thing for her" she winks and turns back around.

I hear a gasp and don't know whether it is Ruby's or mine at this point as everything slows down around me.

I cant help myself as my face flushes at the thought of Emma having her way with me, but not like this, never like this, this is someone who is completely out of control in every sense of the word, but I need to try and get through to her.

She turns slowly back to me, and is looking at me up and down, "Don't think I didn't notice the way you look at me.. Madam Mayor, I can feel you staring and I find it rather pathetic. You are like some puppy dog, always looking at me like I'm ruined, but other times I know you want to touch me.. and don't think I don't hear you saying my name in your sleep." She says, and I cannot move, I cannot say anything because although she is out of control, she also seems to be absolutely right.

"Emma stop this… what's the matter with you? You can control it, don't give in…" Ruby says again, this time she's yelling, and I know that she understands what's happening here.

"Oh no, I think that I am in real control now, finally. After weeks of trying to be a good girl, I think its time we have a little fun" she says and turns back to me, "don't you agree?" she smirks.

I am still at a loss at how quickly things have escalated.

In seconds Emma is directly in front of me and I push myself further back against the wall.

I know Ruby is shouting something but I don't hear her, I don't see her, all I see is Emma and the way she is looking at me.

Its like liquid sex is oozing out of her, and I can feel her need, her need to have me.

"Emma.." I say as she brings up her hand to stroke my cheek. "I know that this seems like the right thing to do right now, but you don't want to do something that you will regret." I try to reason with her by playing on her guilt and duty to protect, and help others.

"Oh you see, that's where you're wrong. I think I'm finally going to do something that I know we both want. Why are you even fighting this? I know you want it..." she says and comes close to me, passing my cheek to whisper in my ear, "I can smell it on you, you are ready for it." she says.

That's when I look to Ruby and I know she's heard what Emma heard by the way her eyes widen.

Emma knew there was no point in whispering since Ruby has hyperactive hearing, but she just did it for affect and I feel myself grow more wet with her proximity.

I don't think that Emma even realizes that she's using her magic to make me aroused, eventhough it is completely against what my heart and mind want at the moment.

I need to make a move soon, I cannot let her think she has the advantage.

"Really Ms. Swan, how pathetic are you?" I ask, even though I know I'm playing with fire.

"Me? Pathetic? You better watch your mouth. I am offering for you to consent to what I'm about to do to you. Or would you rather it be forced?" she asks as she starts to laugh sinisterly, and perhaps I shouldn't have pushed because I have never feared her before this moment. I don't want to remember her like this.

She brings her hand towards my neck and forcefully raises my chin so I'm looking her dead in the eyes.

"Or would you rather I fuck you like my good old grand daddy? Huh, is that it, you like it a little rough and forceful?" she laughs again, throwing her head back and the instant pain I feel is overwhelming. It feels like my heart is literally breaking and my legs give in as I slide to the floor.

"What the Fuck Emma! Can you hear yourself? Get the fuck away from her right now!" Ruby yells from outside the cell, and I can hear her pounding on the bars. But it all sounds so far as I feel Emma begin to lift me off the floor.

Then I'm being put on the bed, and in my daze I cant really make out what the other two women are saying to one another.

I don't know what is happening as I can't get the words that Emma said to me out of my head. How could she say that to me? To imply taking joy out of such a horrible time in my life, and something I had confided in her during a moment when I thought we were building a solid friendship? Is this my punishment for all the people I have killed and hurt? To find love and then have it rip my heart in two?

I feel weight on me and suddenly snap out of my inner musings to see Emma above me, and looking down upon me with unadulterated lust and it makes my stomach turn.

It's the same look that Leopold used to give me, looking at my naked body as he disrespected me in every way imaginable. Holding me down, as I cried internally but never made a sound out loud.

That will not happen again, not if I can help it.

"Emma, I will tell you this only one more time. Get off of me before you do something you regret. Think of Henry, think of Ruby standing over there. Don't let it take over you. Don't do this." I plea with her, but make sure to keep my voice firm, I do not need her to see any fear in my eyes.

She leans down and pins my hands above my head, still straddling me on the bed, and my body has already locked down. I am not fighting her because I know it will not help, and it will only aggravate her. The only hope I have of getting through to her is with words.

"Just give in Regina, its so much fun, we could have so much fun together. You and I, the two most powerful people in town, hell in the world now that I'm the dark one. No one could stop us. We could get revenge on all those who have wronged us, you could be my queen." She says this as she slowly leans down, purposely grinding her center into mine as she leans down further.

"We could do anything together, and I'm offering for you to join me willingly." She says as she licks my lips, and then kisses me roughly and finishes by biting my lower lip.

"Emma, this isn't you, but yes, we could do anything together, dear, we could still have it all without you having to do this. Please don't do this." I tell her, andmy body betrays me as a single tear falls from my eye.

"If you're not with me, then you are against me Regina. Think about it, I could just take this black heart of yours.." she says and then before I can say anything her hand is massaging my breast, and it feels so wrong, so against what I ever wanted for us that I cry out.

"I could use you as a sex slave like Graham, isn't that what you did. How dare you judge me when you are no better, and then you killed him because he wanted me. Well who's the evil one now? Huh? Hey Ruby, did you know that Regina killed Graham, oh yeah she did because she's evil and that's all she'll ever be." She says as she turn and grins at Ruby while bringing her hand under the waist band of my leggings.

That's when I turn to Ruby as well and I see that I'm not the only one crying.

I see her on her knees outside of the cell and she's crying, but they are angry tears and I see that her hands are bleeding from banging on the cell.

Its then that I realize that I have to get out of here, that I cannot help Emma. I hate to leave her without trying more but if I stay any longer she will do something to me that I will never be able to forgive her for. No matter if she was in control or not, I'd never be able to look at her the same.

"I want you to look at me right now, and listen carefully. I had a dark heart, and yes I was evil but Henry changed that. Remember the good Emma, because you also changed me. You made me a better person even if I didn't want to acknowledge it, you believed in me when others didn't. I won't give up, but I cant be here any longer." I tell her as she looks down at me again, and I swear I saw a moment of regret flash in her face before it was replaced with anger.

As she slips her hand further down, I transport myself outside of the cell and turn to see her fall face first onto the bed.

I look down to Ruby, and crouch down and take her into my arms as I teleport us back to the house, but the last thing we see before we disappear is a very angry looking Emma running towards the cell door.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

As soon as we appear in my study I let go of Ruby and run to the restroom and vomit. I can't hold back the strangled cries as the contents of my stomach release into the toilet bowl.

This continues for several minutes before I feel ready to back away and lean against the tub with my head in my hands. How could things go so terribly wrong so fast?

How could she even think of doing…. that to me. I can't even believe it just happened. What am I going to tell Henry? Oh no, Henry, hasn't he been through enough?

Emma clearly cannot be around anyone right now. Oh God, Emma. I can't even begin to feel bad for her because of the anger coursing through my body.

How dare she, I know she's the dark one, but I never thought she could do or say such things. They come from the darkness that is in all of us, but to say all those things. She had to have felt that way deep inside of her.

She had to have those feelings, those thoughts of me, and she was just set free, allowed herself to give in to her deepest darkest desires. Set free to do whatever she wanted to me. To take advantage of me, my body, my soul….

I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. And I wont. No matter who she is, no matter if I fucking love her, I will never be that weak again.

I knew love was weakness. Maybe mother was right all along.

I was so foolish. Well thank you Emma for reminding me, perhaps mother really does know best.

Emma never loved me; if she did she would have never try to do what she just did.

She's no better than the rest of her lineage. A lineage that has tortured, hurt and betrayed me in every possible way.

From her mother, to her grandfather, to even her son. Henry, such a sweet boy, but he had also turned his back on me so easily. Just pushed me aside like yesterday's leftovers, and had embraced his charming and perfect new family without even a second glance.

Oh who have I been kidding?

Who was I trying to be? Someone that they would one day respect, maybe even welcome into their family, or even truly love.

Well that was simply a foolishly girls wishes, a foolish girl indeed.

A foolish girl who is sick and tired of the shit that everyone throws her way.

Maybe I need to bury that girl, that lost lovesick girl who has come to the surface recently.

Maybe it was time to let the real Regina, the strong, confident, and all powerful woman back out.

Oh no, I will never let anyone put me in that position again.

That's for damn sure.

I stand up and head towards the mirror and as I look at my reflection I see the woman I was looking at earlier, but this time I see the beginning of bruises appearing on my neck where Emma's hands had been and then the mirror is shattering into a million pieces all around the room.

I look down and see my hands are shaking uncontrollably and I only hear static noise.

I will myself to try and regain some sort of control, but all I can hear is the thumping of my heart, and all I can feel is rage.

Why am I even fighting the inevitable? Maybe Emma was right about one thing, I am one of the most powerful people and maybe it has been too long since I've been able to harness that power.

Then I look over to the side of the room and I see one of Henry's shirts and the weight of my thoughts hits me like a blow to the face.

What am I thinking, I can't do this.

I promised Henry, I promised to be better, to love and care for him.

But where has that gotten me?

I reach for his shirt and bring it to my face, it smells of him and I think that if anyone can ground me right now it's him.

I cannot lose myself. Not again, not because of her, or anyone. I have to fight it, this overwhelming feeling to give in; to go to that cell and rip her heart out of her chest and squeeze till its merely dust.

I step into the tub and push myself into the corner.

As I bring Henry's shirt to my face again I see him walking away from me. I see his looks of disappointment. The light shatters above me.

I need to focus on the good.

Rocking back and forth I picture him smiling at me when he's 4 years old; that toothless grin, those bright trusting eyes.

Taking a deep breath I try to focus on his face, but then another face enters my mind. Emma's face that morning when she nearly burned down my house attempting to make me breakfast, and her embarrassed grin.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, I try to normalize it and then I feel her on top of me, but no it's not her, its Leopold again. Pushing further into me, taking my grunts of pain as grunts of pleasure, or as if he even cared. All I ever was for him was a body, an empty vessel to impregnate.

I'm suffocating, I cant breathe, I need to get out of here.

Just as I am about to vanish, I hear the door slam open and into the wall behind it.

I crouch again and am ready to strike whoever is behind the door.

"Stay where you are or I swear I'll kill you!" I yell threateningly when I see Ruby.

She looks terrible, and that's when I realize that she has broken the door down.

I try to take another breath.

"Regina" she slowly walks towards me with her hands up and I can hear the mirror and light shards cracking under her feet.

"It's ok; I swear I do not want to hurt you." She tells me, and she's using that same voice she uses with Emma, the one where she doesn't want to scare her off.

"Stay where you are. Don't come any closer" I warn her, and I know she's trying to help, but I can't trust her. I am trying, but I just can't.

"Ok, ok, I won't come any closer, but you've been in here for a long time, and I heard noises, I've been calling for you…" She says as she takes in the room around her.

"I… I can't control it right now…" I tell her, and I instantly feel weak.

My mother would laugh at how pathetic I've become.

"No, its ok, I understand, but Regina look at me." She says, her voice becoming firmer that I do actually look up, even in the darkness of the room I can see the seriousness of her eyes.

"This is not your fault. Regina, none of this was your fault. What Emma did is not okay, and there is no excuse. You need to believe me when I say this. I just want to help you." She says to me pleadingly.

I laugh, I actually start to laugh uncontrollably, and then I stop abruptly and look at her.

"Help me? Oh please, you know what. You can just leave now Ms. Lucas, your offer for help is duly noted. Actually get out of here before things become more dangerous for you." I tell her, and I know that I shouldn't push. But I can't let her see me like this. I can't let anyone see me as weak ever again.

I stand straighter, and then I look her dead in the eye and am surprised to see that she is not at all buying what I just said to her.

"You are going to have to physically remove me if you want me to leave, I'm serious Regina, and I am not leaving you tonight." She says and I begin to walk towards her.

I get right into her face and start to push her out of the room.

"Really, this is your last warning Ms. Lucas, you do not want me to do this." I tell her, but my strength is waning by the moment, the rage I felt before is being replaced with something else, but I don't know what.

I push her into the hallway and towards the front door and she's not pushing back. I'm glad for it because I no longer want to hurt her. I just need to be alone. I need to figure out what is happening.

As we get to the door I reach for the doorknob and she grabs my hand.

I instantly shock her with my hand and she goes flying towards the middle of the hallway where we just left.

I'm shaking again, "I warned you, get the hell out of my house." I yell at her as she gathers her bearings and comes back towards me.

"I said no, and I meant it. You are going to have to kill me Regina." She says not backing down as she gets closer.

I back up until my back is to the front door and she stops 6 feet from me.

"You need to leave." I tell her, but this time my voice cracks and I feel a pressure building in me again as my eyes blur.

She takes another step closer.

I bring a fireball in my hand as I grind my teeth and hold back the tears that are threatening to fall at any moment.

This makes her stop her ascent, but now she's reaching for me. "Please trust me, I will not hurt you. I'm here. Don't push me away." She pleads.

"I can't, I'm sorry." I whisper, a single tear falling, my resistance fading fast.

"Just take my hand, please Regina." She says as she closes the gap and brings her hand ever so slowly towards my fireball. "Please" she says one last time.

As the fireball disappears from my hand I reach forward and take her hand as she envelopes me into a gentle hug, and finally the dam breaks as I let the tears fall freely my breathe heaving in and out of my chest.

We sink to the ground as she rocks me slowly in her arms, and I cannot hold back the loud cry that leaves my lips.

She doesn't say anything for longest time as we sit there on the floor, her gently holding me as I finally let myself lean on the first genuine friend I've had as I slowly cry myself to sleep.

…

I hear a key entering the door behind me when I am waking from my haze, and realize that Ruby and I are still on the floor in the foyer.

I look around and see Ruby quickly rising from the floor, and I can faintly hear Henry speaking to someone outside.

Ruby crouches down to me and whispers, "It's Henry, I'll just get rid of him, don't worry." She assures me as I nod and slowly move away from the door, still sitting on the floor.

My head is throbbing, and based on how dark it is I'd have to guess its early evening.

"Oh hey Ruby, what are you doing here?" I hear Henry say as he tries to get in the house.

"Hey Henry" she says trying to block the door, but I know its no use because I can already hear in his voice that he's intrigues as to why she is here.

"Oh your mom has a migraine, I came to check on her…" Ruby says, as she looks back behind the door at me.

I try to gesture that it's ok to let him in, and then I transport myself to my room, landing on my bed with a thud.

It wouldn't be a far stretch to say I had a migraine as my head is definitely throbbing even more right now.

I think back to yesterday and feel myself becoming worked up again, so I slowly make my way to my restroom and grab a heavy sleeping pill I have in my medicine cabinet, taking it dry and going back to my bed.

I'm too physically exhausted to do anything else so I use magic to change my clothes and try to quickly fall to sleep again, wanting to just forget everything for a bit longer.

…..

I feel a body molded behind me, and as I stir awake I feel strong arms tighten around my waist.

It feels nice and warm and I lean back into it and start to drift back off to sleep when the events of the day come rushing back to me.

I quickly dislodge myself from whoever is behind me and sit up.

I blink back the sleepiness in my eyes, now on full alert to see that I'm on the floor with blankets surrounding me.

"Regina, come back to sleep… it's early." I hear Emma huff out and I jump at the voice, quickly getting to my feet, ready to strike as I try to conjure up a fireball.

It's then that I take in the blond lying on the floor, her innocent and slightly confused face looking up at me through sleepy eyes.

I look a little lower, now that she has sat up to see that she is topless, and as I look down I realize that I am too, leaving us both only in our underwear.

Before I can control it, my hands dart up as I cover my chest, and this brings a chuckle out of her lips, "Um.. Regina I think it's a little late to be modest now" she rasps out while smiling up at me and it makes something in my stomach flip.

I have so many conflicted emotions right now that I cannot speak.

I don't know what the hell is going on, but I know that I have to be back in that alternate reality, and of course I would go right back to where we left off.

She slowly gets up and approaches me, but I'm not paying attention until I feel a hand come up to caress my cheek and that's when I look up and see our close proximity. I immediately jump back from her touch, and when I look up I see the hurt that flashes in her eyes.

"Emma… I…" I try to come up with something to say, but I control how my body is reacting to her right now. Part of me wants to run to her, and the other part wants to run away.

She's looking down now, and I know I've hurt her.

She clears her throat, "Oh, no it's ok, I get it Regina. I mean it's not like we planned to do what we did last night. Actually I really need to go umm… and get ready for work." She says to me as she starts to try and find her clothes that are scattered around the room.

I still haven't moved, although I have dropped my hands back down, too frozen to care that I am exposed in this way. I still do not know what to say. I don't want her to go. God, how I have missed this Emma. But I cannot be around her right now; not with the way I'm feeling.

But I need to do something. I cannot let her feel unwanted. Even after what she's done to me, this is not that Emma. This is the Emma I fell in love with.

"Emma, wait. This, what's happening right now with me, it's not because I don't want us to…. be closer. I just need some time." I tell her, pleading with her with my eyes, and I wonder now just who it is that I'm convincing.

She looks up at me as I'm saying this and I can see her own conflicting emotions run across her face.

Then she's throwing down her clothes and walking towards me with purpose.

I back up until my backside hits the desk and before I know it she's standing determinedly and confidently in front of me.

"You" she says coming closer until we are inches apart. "You can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. I meant what I said last night. I am willing to wait for you, you are so worth it Regina." She whispers out the last part and I exhale at the emotion she evokes in me.

And then I'm crying, I'm crying because I wish so much for this to be real. I wish for her to come back with me somehow, to our real world, and be with Henry and me; to not be the Dark One.

I cry harder when I realize that wishes do not come true, they never will; not for people like me.

As I hiccup I look up to see her smiling at me and realize that's she's been rubbing my arms with her hands, she's been wiping away my tears as they were falling and I don't hesitate to close the gap between us as I bring her lips to mine.

With my eyes closed I can feel so much more of her. It's true what they say, that our senses are heightened when we are not using all 5 of them because I can feel her everywhere. I feel her arms around me and I feel her heart beating against mine.

I pull back and look at her to see her looking adoringly at me. It makes a few more tears come out and she swiftly wipes those away.

"What's going on Regina? Don't get me wrong, I love this emotional woman in front of me, but it doesn't seem like you, it seems like something has changed overnight." She says as she pulls me close again, this time peppering some kisses down my neck, and on my shoulder.

"Do you mean it?" I ask her once I register what she's just said.

"Huh?" she says between kisses, so I have to pull back to stop her.

"You just said you love me." I tell her looking deeply in her eyes as I feel my heart pounding so hard in anticipation.

"Well… um…" she looks unsure then, and I pull back, ofcourse it's just a figure of speech.

I feel so silly, as I flush in embarrassment and try to turn around.

"No wait; I just didn't want to say is like that… But it guess it's as good a time as any right?" she asks me pulling me back to look at her.

"What are you…" I ask, I just want to go hide somewhere, I feel like such a fool.

"Regina… How could I not love you? I mean.. yes I do, I meant it.. ugggh.. what I'm trying to say is I love you Regina." She finally let's out cannot fight the huge grin that breaks out on my face.

I also cannot stop myself when I finally tell her, "I love you too Emma, so much more than you can understand."

She looks relieved with that and pulls me into a gentle and quick kiss before she lifts me off the floor, carrying me bride style until we get back to the area we slept and gently lays me down.

"And what do you think you are doing Ms. Swan?" I ask her in a teasing tone as she comes to lie beside me and pulls a blanket over us.

"Well, I just thought we could enjoy a few more hours of sleep before we have to face reality." She says as she scoots closer to me and pulls me so that I'm facing her and she's got her arms around me.

She has no clue how right she is about that. It makes me sad to realize that I don't know when or if I will ever return to this place.

"Hey" she says lifting my chin to look at her. "What's wrong now?" she asks, concern as well as annoyance lacing her tone.

"Nothing dear, would you believe me if I said I just never want this moment to end?" I ask her and I bring an arm around her torso, pulling her closer into me.

"Don't worry, you're like.. stuck with me now." She teases and I have to swallow back my urge to cry again. I really have become an emotional wreck.

"Will you just tell me again, before sleep takes over?" I ask in a meek voice.

"Tell ya what?" she asks.

I just raise my eyebrow at her and she giggles, turning red.

"I love you" she says shyly, and it has the same affect, as my heart feels so full.

"And I you, my dear. Always remember that, no matter what may happen. You made me love you, I don't think I ever had a choice in the matter." I tell her as I gently bring my hand to her face and kiss her slowly, trying to imprint this moment; this memory into my mind forever.

….

A/N I hope you all enjoyed that chapter… I hope it wasn't confusing with the time jump again. As always your reviews are greatly appreciated.


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

As I begin to rouse from my slumber I'm afraid to open my eyes.

I think back to the terrible day I had with Emma and Ruby, and it feels like that is the alternate reality instead of the one that I experienced later in the day.

I know for sure that I'd much rather stay in the other one, the one where Emma and I are in love. Wow, to be in love with Emma is so different from anything I ever imagined.

Although it is not like I have had much time to think about it, only really admitting it to myself recently, but now as I think back I know that it has been growing deeper and deeper without me ever knowing it.

My feelings for her were always strong, whether it was aggravation, fear or jealousy; all of those feelings were so intense. They were more intense than any other feelings I had felt towards anyone, maybe ever. Not Daniel, although he will always be my first love. And not even Robin, who I had very intense feelings for in such a short period of time, but they never fully grew from what I know now to be more of an infatuation with the idea of him being my soul mate. I accept that I could have loved him, but the constant disappointment only pushed us further apart, even if a damn fairy said it was "meant to be".

My feelings for her do not compare to my feelings of despair for my mother, or the anger I felt towards Rumple, but they do match the intense feeling I have for our son whom I love more than anything else in this world.

Our son; I have gotten so used to saying that now, and it seems like it may not be like that for much longer. Not if Dark Emma is unable to control herself.

I wonder what set her off, I could have only been in the restroom for a few minutes when I heard the yelling, but whatever it was, it had to have been bad.

Ruby always knew how to push people's buttons, and I am sure that she did not realize that whatever she said or did would lead to what ultimately happened. I saw the pain in her eyes as she watched on in horror.

Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I swallow it down and try to focus on something else.

Instead of thinking of dark Emma, I'd like to focus instead on my beautiful and light Emma.

How could I have been so blind not to see the way she looked at me? I was even blind to my own beating heart as it accelerated every time she entered the room, every time she brushed by me, or pushed me to another breaking point.

I wonder what kind of lover she will be. I wonder if she will push me to my breaking points, if she will be as confident, or if she will show her gentler side.

What if I never get to find out? I cannot see myself being with the other Emma, not after all that has happened. Atleast not for a long time, if ever even and that thought depresses me.

Finally, I open my eyes and take in my surroundings and I am relieved to see that I am still on the floor in my study. I take in the room and flush a little as I see the clothes discarded around the room, and as I look down I see that our makeshift bed is missing someone.

I sit up and reach for my clothes and that's when I realize that only my clothes were left in the room, and Emma's are nowhere to be found.

I slowly dress myself, and begin to tidy up the room.

I don't know if I am ready to face whatever lies on the other side of that door so I take my time folding the blankets and putting the couches back to their original spots. I take the almost empty tumbler of alcohol and put it away, and grab the glasses off the table and that's when I see the time.

It's 11:30AM.

I quickly open the door and peer out, but hear no movement in the house.

After checking the kitchen and living room I run upstairs to see both rooms empty.

I reach for my phone only to realize that Henry does not have a cell phone yet in this time.

I go to my room and do not see any note left anywhere to tell me where they have gone.

I call Emma but then I hear her phone ringing in her room so I hang up.

It feels so strange to not know where Henry is. For so long I've been able to contact him, and now that he's out of reach it is like I've forgotten what to do. I've forgotten how utterly alone I was during this time in my life.

The only people I depended on were Graham and Sydney, one who I controlled because I had his heart and the other because he was in love with me. There was no way I would do that now.

The only thing I could do was wait and trust that Emma and he were alright, trust that Emma wouldn't let anything happen to our boy.

As I am getting out of the shower I distinctly hear the front door slam, and quickly grab my robe, not bothering to dry off completely as I practically dart down the stairs.

I practically run right into Emma as I am rounding the corner towards the front door.

"Whoa… there.. you nearly knocked me over." She laughs and then looks at me; her face instantly changing from lighthearted to something else in mere seconds.

Her look throws me off, and I quickly try to compose myself and hide the fact that I am so relieved to see her.

"Sorry, dear. I didn't see you there. I was concerned when I couldn't find either you or Henry…" I tell her but she is still not looking at my face and it annoys me.

"Emma, my eyes are up here, and I don't think this is the proper time to fool around." I say a little harshly, I may be happy to see her but it doesn't excuse the worry I just went through.

"Oh… I'm sorry, you're right." She says slowly bringing her eyes up to mine, and trying to hide a sheepish grin.

"Where is Henry?" I ask looking around her, and walking to the door.

"Wait… stop, Henry's with Ruby for the afternoon." She says as I reach the door and am pulling it open.

"With Ruby?" I ask, but she cuts me off.

"I said stop Regina… jeez you are going to give someone a heart attack." She says and she rushes around me to quickly slams the door shut.

"What are you talking about? And how many times do I have to tell you not to slam the door!" I tell her annoyed, and instantly feel bad at how I'm speaking to her. Especially after everything we've been through, but she can just be so infuriating.

"First off, hello and good morning, I took Henry over to Ruby's and apologized for how I acted last night and she offered to hang out with the kid so that you and I could um.. talk or whatever." She tells me, and then walks right up to me and kisses me, and then pulls back far too quickly for me to deepen it.

"Well why didn't you just say so dear? And why…" I start to ask when she cuts me off again.

"And second of all, I'm guessing you just got out of the shower because you smell amazing and your robe is wet and completely see through." She rushes out the last part as her eyes dart to the ceiling and that's when I finally look down to see that she is absolutely correct.

I grabbed one of my silk white robes but because I didn't nearly dry off in my haste to get down here, it is practically sheer.

I inhale deeply and begin to blush, "If you'll just excuse me." I tell her before I turn to run back upstairs, but before I can she is turning me around, and trying her hardest to maintain eye contact.

"No, I mean, of course you can go upstairs and change, but please never be embarrassed. I'm sorry I looked, but I'm not at the same time because I have never seen such beauty. Regina you are truly breathtaking. I'm sorry I slammed the door, but I didn't want anyone else to see you." She says the last part timidly, and it makes my stomach do that little flip again.

"I'm not embarrassed, Emma I am not at all ashamed of my body, I am aware of how people are attracted to me, but when you look at me like that it makes me feel young again, young and in love and shy. I do not do shy Ms. Swan!" I tell her as she pulls my body closer to hers.

"Yeah well, I think it's adorable." She says as she places a small kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I do not do adorable either!" I tell her and try to sound angry, but it hard when she's looking at me the way she is and holding me this close.

"Okay, sorry. How about sexy, desirable, gorgeous…delectable." She says clicking her tongue with the last word and I don't hesitate to kiss her hungrily, and she gives herself to me fully as I take charge of the kiss and push her up against a nearby table.

"Mmm" she moans and as I push her further into the table so that she is practically sitting on it as I climb on top of her straddling her lap.

As I pull away and look into her eyes I see her gulp as she slowly tries to look down.

"Uh uh Ms. Swan, did I say you could look?" I ask her teasingly, as I lift her chin up so we are staring at each other.

"Fuck Regina, I.. uuhh." She says panting and trying her best to keep her hands and eyes off of my body.

"Perhaps we should slow things down a bit and talk, like Ruby suggested." I ask her in a teasing tone, having a little too much fun with a hot and bothered Emma.

"I… I think you should change your clothes if you don't want me to take you right here on this table or the floor, or both." She tells me in the sexiest voice, even though she doesn't mean for it to come out so erotic.

The images that flash through my mind are anything but innocent and I know that I don't want to stop.

And then I realize that I may never have this again. Suddenly that thought comes crashing down on me as I look up and into her eyes, so kind and free and open to me. More open than the other Emma had ever let them be.

More open then she would ever let me see.

"Oh Emma… "I tell her so overcome with emotion that my voice cracks and my eyes begin to mist.

"I'm sorry I can wait, I didn't mean to push Regina." She reassures me.

I just pull her closer to me and hug her, and she instantly puts her hands around me as well as we embrace for several minutes, then pull back off of her and secure the robe tightly around me.

I put out my hand and she quickly jumps off the table and takes my hand and that's when I notice the brown paper bag on the floor.

"Oh, I brought bagels, thought we could have breakfast." She says shyly.

"Well perhaps you could bring that bag with you upstairs, if you want to join me in my bedroom, that is." I tell her as I lead her up the stairs.

…

It doesn't take long for us to get upstairs, and once we are in the room and she puts the paper bag down an awkward silence forms.

I don't know what to do so I head over to the bed and lie down on my side, scooting back so that I am in a sitting position and I see Emma slowly approaching the bed but instead of sitting next to me she comes to stand beside the bed next to me.

I look over at her and she's staring at me with a small smile on her face so I smile back. She comes closer bringing her hand to my cheek, "You are so beautiful Regina, I love you." She tells me.

"I love you too." I say smiling as I turn my face and kiss the inside of her hand, and then I take it in my hands and hold it lovingly.

"I'm sorry about… earlier, I just got a little caught up in the moment." She says looking away.

"Well I cannot exactly blame you, dear. I was quite literally offering myself to you in your lap. But I thought it would be nicer for us to slow down a bit, to really take our time. I don't want to rush through this." I say as I pull her closer to me and kiss her slowly.

She instantly responds by bringing her hands into my hair and massaging my skull while also running her hands through my hair. It feels so nice, and as I dart out my tongue to taste her mouth she opens it willingly and tastes me as well.

We do this for a few moments and as my hands trail down her slender arms I remember that she is still fully clothed so I reach down and begin to rid her of these unnecessary items.

We break apart while I quickly pull her shirt over her head and then she's back again. This time trailing kisses anywhere she can find; behind my ear, below my cheek, on my forehead, just everywhere.

I pull back and take a look at my progress, and grunt a little.

She looks to see what I am grunting about then giggles at me.

I pout.

"Oh, don't tell me that Miss Take Charge is mad because she can't get my pants off?" She asks me teasingly as she leans down and licks my clavicle bone.

"Uhh… well dear…you could help me out, you know, if you want some relief, otherwise I don't mind being the focus all on myself." I toy with her, and this gets her moving as she pulls back quickly and discards her pants and underwear in the most uncoordinated fashion.

Before I even have time to admire this gorgeous woman in front of me she is pressing herself against me again, but this time she slides me around so that I am now sitting with my legs hanging off the bed and I am fully facing her.

She gently presses my robe covered legs open enough to situate herself between them and then we are kissing again; much more frantically this time as she rolls my robe off of my shoulders so that they pool on my lap and we are both fully free to explore each other's chests.

I need to feel more of her so I quickly pull back and scoot further on the bed, when she looks up at me questioningly I just curl my finger towards her and tell her to come closer.

She doesn't need more prompting as she quickly climbs on the bed and pulls open the robe bunched up around my waist, and smiles up to me, "You are so hot Regina, I mean.. uhh.. so beautiful." She says, trying to correct herself.

I laugh out loud.

"It's okay Emma; I don't mind you calling me hot in the bedroom dear. Plus, you make me feel hot, and wanted… and so much more…" I trail off as she lifts herself and then situates herself above my lap and begins to straddle my waist.

At first contact it feels divine. The way our bodies mold together, and then she is taking my hands and lifting them above my head as she bends down and starts peppering kisses across my chest, my neck and then she is kissing my lips hungrily, but as the rocks her hips into mine I suddenly feel trapped.

I close my eyes and my mind flashes to the other Emma, the way she held my hands above my head, the way she ground her hips into mine and I feel paralyzed again.

I gasp out, and try to fight the urge to scream, but as she grinds further into me I cannot stop the panic that takes over.

I try to move my hands that are locked above my head, but she has her hands holding them down, and I cannot move.

I try to push Dark Emma out of my mind as she takes my nipple in her mouth. I try to focus on the wonderful sensations that were building in my body before this but all I can feel is the pressure on my waist and hands.

All I hear is her repeating that I am evil, that's I'll always be evil; her laughing devilishly as Ruby cried outside the cell.

I can't do this. Not now. I need this to stop.

"Emma.." I try to say but no voice is coming out, so I clear my throat and try again, "Emma… " I say louder but she just takes this as encouragement as she slides lower down my body and is kissing her way down my body.

It feels wrong, so wrong; I don't know what I was thinking.

My body is tense and I don't want to hurt her but I cannot take this any longer, I try to free my hands, and this time she lets go as she brings her hands to my hips pulling me closer to the edge of the bed as she peppers kisses on my thighs now, but I resist, I pull back, but she's too heavy on my lower body for it to make a difference.

I look down, panic on my face and she finally looks up to me smiling so sweetly until she sees my face.

Immediately she's climbing up the bed beside me, gently taking me in her arms.

"Regina, what's wrong? Did I hurt you? I thought we were…" she looks at me questioningly and so concerned that I hide my face, I don't know what to tell her.

She stays quiet while we just lie there for a few minutes and I can feel her erratic heart rate, I can smell her desire for me.

I look down at our bodies and we fit so perfectly together, her skin so soft and beautiful, but I cannot get myself to go further with her. Not right now atleast.

I take a deep breath, try to control the tremor that I'm sure will come out in my voice ad I finally speak up.

"I'm sorry, I can't Emma. I just.." I say, my body tensing for her reaction.

"It's okay" she says very softly as she slowly strokes my hair

"No, it really isn't, I don't want you to think I am just leading you on…" I tell her in an angry voice.

"You forget Regina, I know you, I know you wouldn't do that to me. Hell we've been through some tough stuff but that doesn't change the fact that I'm here for you. I love you, and I can wait." She reassures me, but it only makes me angrier.

Do I not deserve one moment of true happiness, can I not even make love to the woman I love?

"No, it's not okay. I want you so much… but I, my past…" I try to explain, but what could I really say? I cannot tell her, and it's not fair.

"Hey you don't have to tell me anything, you're it for me. I can wait." She tells me like it's no big deal.

"But what if I am always this…" I choke on the words, "This broken woman… that's not fair to you dear, you deserve so much more."

"I am a grown woman Regina, and I know what's good for me. Just tell me one thing, please?" she says, pulling me closer to her and draping the comforter over us.

"Yes?" I say without hesitation.

"Who did this to you, so I can hunt down the sick son of a bitch?" she asks and there's so much anger in her tone.

It makes my heart swell with love to have her want to protect me, but how could I ever tell her? If she only knew.

"It's more complicated than that Emma, trust me. And there's nothing you could do." I tell her honestly.

"Is it me?" she asks me, and for a moment I freeze because how could she know that?

"What?" I ask tentatively.

"Well, I mean I don't want to bring him up, but you have been with Graham and well... I mean." She swallows and I look up to see tears in her eyes.

"Oh... no my, love, it's not you at all." I tell her looking in her eyes and trying to convey as much sincerity as I can, I cannot let her doubt herself.

"Well then…" She says.

"I cannot explain it, but just know that Graham meant absolutely nothing to me. And you, you I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's you that I want to wake up to, and it's you that I want to hold me through the night." I tell her unwaveringly and realize that I've basically let out just how deep my feelings are.

"I'm sorry; I didn't want to tell you all of this so soon Emma, but I meant What I said. You're it for me too, no matter what happens in the future; know that you are it, the one." I tell her again and she's just looking at me.

I have to turn my face and look away because of the intensity of her gaze, because of all that I just confessed, but she just pulls my face towards hers again.

She is smiling with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you Regina, thank you so much for what you just said. And I want it all too, with you for the rest of my life. Heck I know I really haven't known you very long. But I've had a very rough life thus far, and I know when to hold onto to something, and you.." she says looking down at me, "I'm never letting go." She says.

"I just wish we had more time." I say before I can take it back.

"What do you mean?" She asks, looking at me curiously.

"Oh nothing dear, I just meant that I wish we hadn't waited so long." I tell her as I look away.

"Better late than never" she assures me, smiling and I feel warmth spread across my body

I smile and look out the window and just try to enjoy the warmth that her body gives me.

After a few minutes I feel movement behind me, and turn to see Emma leaving the room. I wonder what she's doing but I done feel I have the right to ask to I get up and go to the restroom to clean myself up, and put on some clothes.

When I come back to my bedroom I see her sitting on the bed with the television on.

"What?" I start to ask when she looks at me smiling.

"I thought we could just veg out, you know since we don't have the kid and we have some times to kill. Why don't you change into some sweats and join me?" she says smiling at me, and there is nothing I would rather do.

"That sounds like a great plan, dear, I'll just get changed." I say as I walk towards my dresser and pull out my clothes.

I cannot even try to hide the smile that is gracing my lips. Even after everything that happened just now, she is still acting as though it is nothing out of the ordinary. She's not being mean to me for stopping her; she's not avoiding me or even wanting to go get Henry. She just wants to spend time with me, and that is something I am surely not used to.

Once I am changed I come back and sit near her on the bed, but not too close as I still feel awkward about what happened.

She's already engrossed in some talk show, so I scoot back to lean on the headboard and try to focus on what is happening on the screen.

I think about how nice it would be to do these types of things together. I wonder if she likes gardening, or what other hobbies we might have in common. I would love to teach her how to cook, and bake, it would be so fun to do those things with someone else, instead of by myself.

I think about all the possibilities that might have laid ahead for us. How happy the three of us could have been.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Emma whispers next to me, while still watching the show intensely.

"I was just wondering if you like gardening?" I tell her, while also focusing on the television as well, but having no clue what is happening.

"Hmm.. " She says, turning to look at me. "I've never had a home, you know where I could grow stuff, so I'm not really sure." She tells me, looking at me a little ashamed.

It makes me feel bad to know it's my fault she's never had a real home, but I push that guilt down knowing that there is nothing I can do about it now.

"Well I have some extra gardening gloves, and since this is also your home now, what do you say we give it a try? Maybe even plant some roots of our own." I ask her.

"I would love that." She tells me with a massive smile on her face, and I lean forward and kiss her, its short but hold promise.

Then she's reaching for a brown paper bag on the nightstand and scoots closer to me until there is no space between us and pulls out two bagels, handing me one.

I take it and look at her as she sloppily opens hers and takes a bite staring back at the television screen.

"That lady is saying that he is her baby daddy, but he said he was out of town the weekend that the kid was conceived. I bet it's like his brothers' kid or something…." She explains to me, as she scoots a little closer to me draping her arm around my shoulder.

I just nod my head, and look at the screen, thinking to myself that this feels perfect.

...

A/N: Happy Friday Everyone! I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter, sorry about the angst, but it's what I like, and how I truly feel the progression of the story should go. But please leave any feedback. And thank you all for your comments and encouraging words.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

That evening Emma and I went together to pick up Henry from Ruby's place and as she opened the door I could see her questioning gaze on me.

"Emma, why don't you take Henry to the car while I speak to Ruby for a moment." I tell her as I make my way into Ruby's apartment.

Emma nods at me and throws another smile at Ruby before she places her hands on Henry's shoulders, "C'mon kiddo, let's go wait in the car, and then we can go get ice cream." She tells him, while ruffling his hair and walking down the hall.

"Shh… Emma, mom will hear you!" he whispers to her while turning back to see if I heard.

I just simply laugh it off.

"Hey" Emma says, stopping Henry as she kneels down. "It was actually her idea." She tells him as his eyes light up.

He looks back at me, completely elated, "Thanks mom!" he yells before running down the hall.

I laugh again, loving this light feeling I have.

"My my, Regina a lot can change in one night." Ruby says as I catch her staring at me.

"Would you believe me if I told you that it has taken me a very long time to get here?" I ask her, and I step in fully and close the door behind me.

"Well that was totally cryptic, but hey, I am just glad that you two are doing okay. When I left last night it seemed like you two were either going to kill each other or have sex! I guess the latter happened…" she says grinning at me devilishly, and it makes me flush which only made her believe she was right.

"Well I will say this, Emma and I have come to terms with our feelings, and I really want to pursue it." I tell her timidly.

"Wow, you mean you both actually spoke about it?" She asks, as she takes a seat on a barstool near her kitchen, and I take a seat on the other.

"I mean, I honestly thought you guys were gonna hook up to blow off some steam. But I didn't think anything else…" she says, looking both shocked and a little happy as well.

"Ruby I am only telling you this because I feel that you and I.. well let's just say that I trust you, and it's hard for me to do that, but I know you will not betray my confidence." I tell her because even if it didn't happen here, she was there for me and I am forever grateful for it.

"Yes, ofcourse you can trust me" she says, putting a reassuring hand on my knee as she says it.

"Well… last night.. we confessed our deep feelings, and it's been so long since I have been in love, and had the love returned, without any expectations. Oh it's such a wonderful feeling. I never thought…" I tell her as I get choked up and am unable to finish my sentence. I wanted to say I never thought I was worthy of such a love.

"Oh hun, I am so happy for you.. .really. Just wow. Emma finally spilled the beans, huh?" She says looking at me.

"Yes, I believe we both did." I tell her, as I laugh again, and try to hold in the tears as I get up.

"Well I thinks it's great Regina, and next time you need a babysitter just let me know." She tells me winking, as we walk to her door.

"I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out to me, and for being a good friend to the both of us. I know we have only been friends a very brief time, but it has meant so much to me..." I tell her again, trying to smile through the tears that are once again forming.

"Whoa, hey, it's okay. You are acting like we are never going to see each other again or something. You planning on skipping town with Swan?" She says as she puts her hands on my shoulders to turn me to face her fully.

"Oh.. no, I just wanted to tell you that I value our friendship, and I am grateful for it." I try to reassure her, even though I do not know when I will ever see this Ruby again.

"Well maybe we can grab some lunch sometime soon, you know, and really get to know each other as friends. I think if you let other see this side of you.. then there'd be all kinds of people trying to be your friend Regina." She says smiling at me.

"Well be that as it may, I am content with what I have right now. And lunch sounds great, maybe next week sometime." I tell her as I gently squeeze her arm and make my way to the car.

…

As we enter the ice cream parlor Henry immediately runs up to the counter to pick his flavors excitedly.

"Hey Mom, could I get a sundae?" he says to me trying to muster up the most innocent puppy dog face that he can.

"Hey, kid… don't push it." Emma says next to me as she gestures to a table in the corner of the establishment, but she's being playful with a glint in her eyes, and I can't take my eyes off of her.

She pulls out a chair for me, "After you, Madam." She says, bowing as she does.

"Why thank you, kind Lady." I tell her, and try not to laugh, that is, until I look up and see Henry just starting at us strangely.

"Um… are you two feeling okay?" he asks as he makes his way towards us, forgetting about the ice cream for a moment.

"What do you mean, dear?" I ask him.

"Well… it's just that you guys have been acting kinda strange since earlier at Ruby's. I mean I'm glad you are getting along, but it's just a little… weird." He says, still looking between us questioningly, and I can already see his little brain at work.

"Uhh… Kid, see the thing is…" Emma starts to say looking towards me pleadingly, obviously at a loss for words right now.

"Henry" I say, turning him fully towards me so I'm looking in his eyes since we are at the same height with me sitting, "Why don't you go get a banana split?" I tell him.

"Really?" He asks, and then looks back at Emma, "And then we'll talk about what's going on?" he says.

He's just too smart to be distracted by sweets.

"Yes really dear, we should all enjoy to indulge ourselves," I say, but looking up at Emma as I say this. "Well atleast every now and then." I tell him patting his hair, but smirking at Emma over his head.

"You can go pick whatever flavors you like, and then the three of us can share it, okay?" I ask him, but still looking at Emma as I see a look that I haven't seen yet cross her face.

"Okay, great! Thanks mom." he says as he hugs me and takes off towards the woman behind the counter.

I laugh a little at his enthusiasm, and then look again towards Emma who is now sitting directly across me with a little smile.

"What" I ask her, feeling a little self-conscious under her intense gaze, so I look away.

She leans forward so that our faces are much closer as she gently pulls my face towards her so that I'm looking into her eyes again.

"I'm just admiring this stunning beauty in front of me, this amazingly incredible mother, and person..." She says, and her eyes are so sincere, as she whispers this to me.

"Emma.. Please.." I say, because honestly what can I say? She really doesn't even know me here in this time, or what I have done to her, to her family in the past.

"No, I mean it Regina. I mean, I didn't want to get all deep right now, or whatever, especially being in the middle of an ice cream shop and all…" she says craning her neck back to look at the ceiling and then look around.

We are the only ones in here, but we are at the window, and anyone walking by can see how intimately we are sitting; how intimately we are looking at one another.

"But I just… I mean, how has no one swooped you up yet?" she asks me.

This does throw me, and I admit that in all my time here I am still a bit lost at times with the lingo or slang of this realm.

"Swooped up?" I ask her blankly.

This only makes her smile wider as she unconsciously gets even closer to me than before.

"Yeah.. you know… like, how come you aren't taken. I mean, this town is full of idiots if they aren't trying to break down your door to date, to marry you, to make love to you…" She trails off, finally flushing at what she is saying.

"I.…" She honestly has me speechless.

"I mean, Regina, I know that you can be a hard ass." She says, and I immediately raise my eyebrow at that.

"But that's just a front, you know. I mean, it's not who you really are, which is this amazing woman..." she trails off again, but this time she takes my hand and laces our fingers together.

"Emma…" I start to say, but we are interrupted when Henry ungracefully elbows me in the shoulder.

Snapping out of my Emma trance, I immediately look to my left to see him standing there holding the largest banana split concoction I have ever seen, but his eyes are focused on our linked hands.

I pull away, without thinking, and clear my throat.

"Um.. they need you to pay them." He says as he pushes past Emma, who has by now pulled back, but looked a little wounded that I let go of her hand.

"Alright.. dear, I will be right back." I say, and as I'm walking to the register I realize that both mother and son nod their head at me before diving into the sugar filled treat.

I go up, and pay the waitress, who I do not recognize, and she just smiles at me.

I smile back and say thank you as she gives my change.

I'm in a generous mood so I put all of the remaining change into her tip jar, which only makes her smile widen.

"Wow, thanks Madam Mayor." She says to me, and I realize that I have never brought Henry here, which is why I do not recognize her.

"No problem, dear." I say as I turn to walk away.

"Uhh.. Madam Mayor.." She says with trepidation in her voice as I turn around.

"You have a beautiful family, I mean, I've seen you around town, like ever since I can remember, but it's nice to see you out… like this, you know.. just happy and stuff." She says, slightly blushing as she looks down.

"Thank you, and yes, I think we will have to come back more often" I tell her as I slowly turn and walk back to the table.

When I arrive there, it is truly a sight to see.

Henry has more ice cream covering his face, than where I can see skin, and Emma, well she's a little more distinguished, but still they have eaten more than half of it and do not look like they have come up for air.

It brings a light chuckle out of my mouth as I sit down, and that's when Emma looks up at me and smiles.

I smile back, and tuck an errant hair behind my ear.

"Moms, c'mon you gotta eat it before it melts." Henry says, rolling his eyes, before he dives back in.

This brings another chuckle out of my mouth as I grab a napkin and begin to clean his face, as best I can while he still eats.

"Oh Henry, please slow down, it's not going anywhere dear, and you'll give yourself a stomach ache." I tell him.

"Yeah that or major brain freeze" Emma says beside me as she grabs her head and closes her eyes.

This brings a laugh out of both Henry and I as we watch her with her struggle.

"Oh you think this is funny don't you? Well open wide Regina, cuz now you gotta finish the rest." Emma says sneakily as she takes her spoon and scoops up a piece of banana and some vanilla ice cream.

I pull back, but that only makes her push herself further, and before I know it there is ice cream dripping down my bare shoulder, and as I go to yell at her she is hoisting her spoon in my mouth.

It tastes a little too sweet, but divine nonetheless, and I close my eyes and enjoy the taste.

That is, until I feel someone lick my shoulder and I quickly look over to see Emma pulling away, and then I look over to Henry who looks completely disgusted as he drops the spoon back into the large bowl of ice cream.

"Emma!" I chastise her, as I then look around to see if anyone else had seen.

We may be in love, but it is still very private, and I am still a very private person.

"I'm sorry, I got a little caught up in the moment." She says looking at me with apologetic puppy eyes, the same our son used earlier.

"Um… you know I'm still sitting here right? What is happening with you two? Why are you acting all gross like you're in love or something?" he asks eyeing us both, and for a moment I feel like a young teenager being reprimanded by a parent as I try to look away and not make eye contact.

"Kid, knock it off ok. And cut us some slack. It was just a sugar overload is all? I was not in control of my actions." Emma tries to convince him, but he's not buying it, and I am proud that my son is not that gullible.

That's when I realize that lying to Henry has never helped the situation; that and the fact that he almost always finds a way to get to the truth in the end.

"Emma, it's alright, I think that Henry is mature enough to know the truth." I say, and then look towards him, "and I'm sure he will handle the information like the good young man that he is." I say to also pump up his ego a bit, which works as he nods towards us vigorously.

"Alright. Well Henry, as you know… your mother and I didn't exactly get along very well when she first arrived." I say to him, as he nods, encouraging me to continue.

"Well. Somewhere in between the time that she moved in, and well… very recently, the both of us. I must tell you, dear, that we did not plan for this to happen." I suddenly feel the crushing weight of what I am about to tell him, and it's too frightening to think he may reject the idea all together.

Emma then takes my hand under the table, and squeezes as I look towards her for help, and she just smiles at me.

"Henry… Kid.. listen, the thing is that you're right.. We are in love." Emma says, and I am shocked that she was able to say it with such a steady voice, unwaveringly.

I look towards him, and he's still trying to process it all, and I know he wants to ask so many questions, but he is trying his best to be mature.

After a few minutes I can feel that Emma's palms are sweating, and give her a gentle reassuring squeeze of my own as I clear my throat.

"Henry, sweetheart, do you have any questions?" I ask him nervously.

"How did this happen? I mean Emma was supposed to come back to break the curse, and you're the Evil Queen…" Henry says, and I nod because he's absolutely right.

"Oh please Henry, we have talked about this so many times. It's one thing to have a problem with our relationship, but how many times have I told you to give up on that damn book." Emma says, as she slams down her hand on the table, making both Henry and I jump.

"But Emma…" Henry tries to reason, but she cuts him off immediately.

"No Henry, your mother gave you the chance to handle this like a grownup, and what do you do? Throw that back in her face?" She says, getting increasingly upset and for a moment I have to put my hand on her shoulder to pull her away from him before she says anything else because I can already see the tears forming in his eyes.

"Emma, thank you for what you said, but in this case, I think it would be okay for Henry to just say whatever he feels, and hopefully we can work through it." I tell her and then lower my hand to her back and begin rubbing in a comforting fashion.

She quickly deflates, nodding her head as she looks back at Henry.

"Look Henry, I'm sorry I got so upset, but I never want to hear anyone speak about your mother that way, I hope you understand that, even if it's you, it will upset me." She says to him in a more gentle voice then she was just using.

I just stare at her in awe for a moment, as no one has ever defended me in such a way. Even from her own flesh and blood, her son, whom I know she loves with all of her heart, she still defended me. It makes me feel increasingly warm inside to know that someone is finally going to be on my side, in every sense of the word, and before I can stop myself I whisper, "thank you so much, my love" as I bring my hand to her cheek and caress it.

She looks at me then and her face completely morphs into a large smile, leaning into my touch and kissing the inside of my palm.

"Wow, you two really do love each other?" he asks with a smile slowly breaking out on his face.

We both just nod at him.

"Well, you know mom has actually really changed a lot lately, now that I think about it. I have only seen her smile at me the way she smiles at you. And Mom never smiles at anybody the way she does with me. and I'm sorry Emma but I still think you're the Savior, but now I think that maybe you were meant to save her too." He says as the wheels are still turning in his head.

Emma looks towards me and smiles, and then makes a gesture suggesting that Henry is crazy, but I know without a doubt that he is 100% right about it all.

I even think he is right about Emma saving me because I cannot remember a time in my life that I have ever felt like I fit in.

But looking at her now, and looking over to him now as he mulls over this new information, I wish I had embraced this sooner, to see her so at ease and just being with them both here… now… it was everything I never knew that I had always wanted.

"Henry I want you to know that you will always be my number one, you know that. But I would also like to accept Emma into our family. Would you like that?" I ask him, pulling him out of his inner musings.

"Yes! Of course I would, does this mean that she's gonna stay with us forever? Are you going to finish this ice cream?" he asks, so innocently and it reminds me of how young he really is.

This makes Emma laugh this time, as she ruffles his hair and replies.

"Well lets take it one step at a time Hen, but I would love to stay for as long as you'll both have me." she says, a little timidly at the end.

He nods again as he pulls the bowl closer to him sneakily and begins the process of finishing off the bowl of what is now a soupy ice cream concoction, and I couldn't be happier about it.

….

A/N: Hello Everyone, I am thankful for all of you who are still sticking with me, I'm sorry for the wait between updates, but I hope to get on a more regular schedule soon.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and happy Labor Day to all my fellow Americans.

And last but not least, thank you for your reviews and private messages, please continue to do so, as it means the world to me :)

also... the drama will ensue next chapter, so enjoy the fluff while it lasts! ;)


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

After we left the ice cream parlor and went back home and I opted to make a light soup for dinner since both mother and son had matching stomach aches from all the sugar.

I must say that it felt nice to be needed in this way again.

After raising Henry by myself for 10 years, I had gotten so used to taking care of someone, and it always felt nice to know that I was the only one able to soothe his ache. To make him feel better; feel loved.

And now that he's gone to bed there's another child for me to tend to.

As she steps out of my restroom I see a slight smile on her face.

"Are you feeling better, dear?" I ask over my book as I try my best to sound nonchalant. Honestly I couldn't even tell you what this book is as I just picked it up as I heard the door open.

She slowly makes her way to my side of the bed.

My side? I mean my entire bed, because there's no way that she could have her own side yet.

"Well… I was just wondering if.. since I am not feeling well." She says and she's trying to muster up the saddest face she can.

"What are you trying to say, dear? Tummy still hurt? Did you want to share my bed?" I ask her in a baby voice that is so unlike me and is teasing at first, but when she gets closer I willing open my arms.

She plays right along, lowering herself slowly onto the bed, and lays her head in my lap.

Before I can even stop myself I am running my fingers through her hair, and rubbing small circles on her back.

She exhales loudly and curls further into me.

"How do you do that?" she asks peeking up at me.

"Do what?" I ask her, looking down lovingly.

"Just know what to do to make me feel better. Jesus, I mean Regina, I know we haven't really known each other long but I feel like I've known you my whole life." She tells me silently while I continue running my hands through her hair.

"I don't… I have no clue dear. But I realize now that when I stopped fighting it, it just came natural to me. Like with Henry, it was like second nature to me. I truly feel like he is my own son in every way possible, and now you. I… " I tell her, but get so overcome with emotion that I cannot finish.

She sits up immediately and takes me into her arms.

"It's okay, baby I know. I feel it too." She tells me.

"No Emma, I have to tell you this because I don't know if I ever will have the chance again." I start, but she pulls back immediately.

"What do you mean? Did someone do something to you? Threaten you?" She asks me fiercely tightening her grip on me to the point that it almost hurts.

"Oh no, my sweet. And... please don't call me baby, I am ok with terms of endearment, but I am no baby." I tell her because it had bothered me slightly.

"Regina, focus here. Why wouldn't you have the chance?" she asks again.

"I just want to enjoy every moment is all. I don't want to waste any more time hiding anything from you." I tell her.

"Well then, hun, please do tell…" she says cheekily and I have to say that I love it.

"It's just that… there have been some before you who I have professed feelings to who.. well now looking back I realize than neither of them were right for me now, for who I am now. I could have seen my life with Daniel, but it was young and innocent and could have been something special, but it wouldn't work now. And well Robin was supposed to be my… " I stop there because how could I tell her he was supposed to be my soulmate?

She just nods encouragingly at me, slightly tightening her grip on me.

"Robin was supposed to be everything I would ever want or need, and well, he turned out to be a big disappointment in every way imaginable. I realize now that he could have fought for me if he so choose, but he never put me first." I tell her looking over my shoulder, and leaning up to kiss her tenderly before I continue.

"But you... Emma Swan. You came into my life, and into my heart like a sledgehammer. You pushed your way through breaking all barriers as you plunged through head first and head strong. Only this time around I didn't push, I learned to let it in. I learned the hard way that all I ever should have done was open my arms to you, my heart to you." I tell her, and I know it's too much, that she doesn't understand the depth of what I am saying, but I needed to get it out.

She turns me in her arms and I see tears streaming down her face.

"All I've ever wanted was to have a home, and I think I could finally have it here, with you. That's if you are willing to put up with me when I'm on my rag and bitchy, or when I feel the urgency to run like hell." She says and I laugh, pulling her in for another kiss.

"Oh Emma why hadn't you come sooner? Why couldn't we have had more of this sooner? I was so senseless." I tell her like a petulant child, but it only makes her laugh.

"Well then let's just make a pact right here, right now." She says to me, still holding me from behind as I lean further into her.

"A pact?" I ask.

"Yeah, to never take anything else for granted. To seize every opportunity, to take advantage of every moment we have together, and with Henry too. We should leave town, and plan on some trip once Henry has a break. Maybe go on a road trip." She says, and she sounds so excited, but all I can think of is that I know I won't be here to enjoy it with them. I know that I am doomed to face another reality soon. And if the throbbing in my head is any indication, it will be happening as soon as I fall asleep.

"What do you say? Huh? I mean I don't know about you, but I've never been on a family road trip before, and I think it would help Henry too, I think he'd love it." She continues not even noticing that I haven't said anything.

"I remember this one time I was with a family who always had a family trip during summer break. I started saving things up, like camping gear, and saving my lunch money so that I could buy some nice things on our trip, but I never made it to the summer with them… They uhh… they sent me back." She says quietly, sniffing lightly.

I turn to look at her and see both hope and despair reflected in her eyes.

"Oh Emma, no. I'll never leave you willingly my love. And yes I would love to do all of those things with you. I want to do it all, anything you want. As long as you are with me." I tell her with such conviction she has no choice but to believe me.

"Okay, sorry, I didn't mean to start my own little pity party, it's just when you grow up like I did… you just sort of stop making plans or having hope." She says quietly.

I nod at her, and then feel a searing pain shoot through my head and slam my eyes shut.

I can hear Ruby's voice somewhere far away, almost pulling me towards her.

"Regina, are you okay? What wrong?" I hear Emma ask in a panicked voice.

The pain intensifies and I yell. And then immediately cover my mouth as not to wake Henry.

"What going on, should I call 911?" Emma says frantically as she jumps off the bed and runs to the restroom.

"No, Emma. Come here.. please." I tell her as I see her come back with my pain pills.

"I saw you take these before, will it help?" she asks as she walks back to the bed with the pill.

"No, Emma, please just come here and hold me, will you?" I ask her as the pain starts to subside.

She immediately puts down the pill bottle and climbs back on the bed, pulling me into her once more, but far more gently this time.

"I just need some rest dear, that's all. It will subside, but I need to ask you something." I tell her as I turn in her arms to face her.

"Anything." She says while brushing the hair out of my face as she slowly kisses my forehead.

"What if… what if everything that Henry said were true. How would you feel about me then?" I ask her because this is one thing I always wanted to know, more than anything else. What if I had just been honest?

"What do you mean? Like that fairytale crap? C'mon Regina, this is no time to mess around." She says pulling back slightly and looking less than amused.

"Just tell me, please. Humor me Emma. What if everything that that he said was true. What if Mary Margaret was truly your birthmother? What if it was my fault…" I swallow the bile in my throat.

"What if it was my fault that you grew up alone in this world? What if I really did curse this town? How would you feel then? Would you still love me?" I ask her and I can see that she thinks I've lost my mind.

"Ooookay. Well I think that this headache of yours I causing you to." Emma starts in a light tone that only frustrates me more.

"Goddammit Emma, listen to me. I'm trying to tell you something very important." I shout at her, and see her recoil almost immediately.

"Oh really? Are you really fucking trying to tell me that it's true? Henry's book? I cannot believe this…" she says as she moves away from me, and off the bed leaving me feeling cold inside.

"Emma listen, please, it's not all true because there is a lot left out. But yes there is a lot in it that is factual information." I tell her, now slowly rising out of the bed as well.

"What the hell? All this time I thought Henry was crazy, but you are just as crazy. Regina, can you not hear yourself? I think you should just go and rest. And we can talk when you are thinking more clearly tomorrow…" she says as she slowly starts to walk towards the door.

"Emma… stop. Please. Don't leave me like this. Just listen okay, I am begging you." I plead with her as I reach her near my bedroom door and close it shut again, locking it.

I take her hand in mine and look into her eyes, and I see worry and a bit of fear.

"My sweet love, look into my eyes. You have your super power don't you?" I ask and she nods slowly.

"Then you know that I am telling the truth" I tell her and I gently lead her back to the bed and sit at the end.

"Just because you believe it to be true doesn't mean it's actually true Regina." Emma says to me in the most loving voice, like she's scared that she will hurt me by saying it.

"Have you ever believed me to be someone who would believe in such a thing? So nonsensical to believe a child's story book?" I ask her.

She nods no.

"Then you must believe me when I say that everything Henry said is true. It's my fault that you lost your family." I tell her and finally I see some rage behind her eyes.

"Okay, if it's true, then tell me Regina, why let me in your life? In Henry's life? You let me live here, you let me fall in love with you, only to tell me that you are the reason that I was abandoned as a child?" she asks, her voice becoming more hoarse.

"I was given.. I got a second chance. I don't know how Emma, but I don't even care anymore. I made so many mistakes the first time around. I just had to give in this time to you. You have no idea what I've been through, how much I've been hurt. It was selfish, but you just don't understand." I tell her, pulling away from her, the guilt eating away at me again.

"What if I said I didn't care? I mean, I still think this is crazy, but when I look at you, right now, seeing the amount of hurt in your eyes I know that you have changed. Whoever you were in that book, it obviously couldn't be you sitting in front of me." She reasons.

"But it was me, it could be me again. I have tried so much to clear the darkness in my heart.." I tell her looking away.

I feel her hand on my chest, and look to see her looking towards where my head resides in my chest.

"All I see is who you are now Regina, all I have is love for you. If what you are saying is true then ofcourse I am upset. I would be crazy not to be, but what I feel for you and Henry, nothing can compare to that. You may have taken me away from my family, but you gave me a new one. They could have chosen to fight for me, they could have tried everything possible to keep me, but you, you are my family now and I will never give up on us. " She says to me and I crumble into her arms, the pain in my head not comparing the soaring of my heart.

"There is so much you don't know. So much to tell you…" I tell her as she takes me further in her arms, and this time it's her rubbing reassuring circles on my back.

"Baby we have time, I'm not going anywhere. I love you." She says looking into my eyes, and I don't care about the stupid name, I don't care about anything as I close the gap between us.

"I love you too." I tell her as I bring my lips to hers mixing our salty tears together as we become one.

Suddenly there is a surge of white light that passes through us and sends a shockwave throughout the room and I know that we've broken the first curse.

"What the…" Emma says as she pulls back and looks at me.

"I didn't think it was possible…" I whisper to her still holding my lips, but a smile coming to my lips nonetheless.

"What?" she whispers just as low.

"True love. It's what just broke the curse." I tell her cupping her cheek and kissing her again.

"Whoa… I mean... the curse? So it was all real?" She asks me, slowly pulling back and getting off the bed.

Suddenly I have that cold fear again, she's going to leave me.

I swallow my fear and answer her, "Yes, it all happened, but as I said, it was not at all accurately portrayed in that damn book. Snow white was not some innocent person in all that took place." I start to tell her looking down and waiting for her to run out the door.

"What do you mean?" She asks, clearly not heading for the door.

" Well.. it's just that the book does not go into detail about my past, and what had ultimately pushed me towards dark magic. I make no excuses for my actions because they were mine, but my mother and Rumple did play a much larger hand than I ever knew up until recently." I tell her.

"Rumple? Dark magic? Wow, this is just so crazy. I mean, I still don't even know if I believe what's happening." She says sitting back on the edge of the bed.

"Emma, are you going to leave? I just need to know because there is a lot you don't know, but I … I just couldn't bare it. I don't know this means for our future…" I tell her uncertainly.

As she takes my hand and pulls me closer I change another look at her face and see such warmth there.

"No, I think I'll stay right here, we will figure it out in the morning. C'mon, let get some sleep." She says gesturing to the bed and slowly climbing up to the top of the bed and pulling back the covers.

I don't reply, I just follow suite and as I climb under the covers, she wraps the blanket over us and holds me close as I fall into a deep sleep.

…

A/N: So this took an unexpected turn for me, but I like to just let it flow when it's… well... flowing. I hope you all liked the chapter. Let me know where you think this is headed as I haven't quite made up my mind yet. I had a layout, and the next several chapters planned, but as I said, once I get started writing I just let the creative juices flow and it doesn't always stick to my outline.


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hello Everyone, this one's a doozy and my longest chapter so far. Thank you as always for continuing to read, and review this story, you guys rock!**

 **Memories are in * _italics_ ***

* * *

Chapter 26

I am surprised when I wake that there is still a hand tightly wrapped around me from behind. I smile.

I guess the powers that be are letting me enjoy a little more time with my love before I have to face reality.

I still cannot believe what took place last night. I cannot believe that Emma is my true love. Well one of my true loves, as Henry is as well. I was beginning to understand that it wasn't all about this one amazing love and only having one true love. It was about having a love that was all accepting, that didn't leave when times got hard, and that still loved you even when you were having your bad days.

I would think that many people had this type of love, but then wouldn't there be more true loves out there?

Oh it was making my head pound again just thinking about it.

Really, I didn't even care. As long as I could be here longer; in this moment with her and Henry.

I was amazed at how quickly Henry took to the idea of us being together. I never imagined even telling him such a thing, but the way that he bounced back at the ice cream parlor was amazing. He seemed to look at me differently on the way home, and I had even overheard him thanking Emma for making me so happy.

I guess that it's true what they say about kids, they really are resilient creatures, and Henry has definitely had to be in his young life.

Speaking of which, he is going to have to be strong now more than ever with us breaking the curse last night.

I'm surprised that I haven't heard rocks being thrown at my house, or people yelling outside with the curse breaking. Surely they would have realized what I had done by now and are planning some sort of revenge. But as long as I have their savior on my side, I am not as afraid as I was the first time.

Even then, when she hated me for so many reasons, she still had defended me and protected me against the town. I daresay she truly is the savior she was prophesized to be. Time and time again she has saved those in need, me being on the receiving end more often than I would have liked. She even saved Marian, and although she did know who she was at the time, I could never truly be upset with her for it because she did the right thing. She always did the right thing.

I push further back into for another moment before I turn in her arms to give her a kiss, but as my eyes refocus in the early morning light I am completely thrown at what I find.

"Ruby?" I almost yell.

"Hmm…. Gina, shhh… it's too early, go back to sleep baby." She says in a mumble and its then that I take her in and realize that she has no top on. I look down and see that I am in one of my satin short nightgowns.

"Excuse me? What the hell is going on here?" I say again, firmer this time as I get out of the bed quickly and find my robe, wrapping it around my body.

She giggles, "C'mon Gina we weren't that wasted last night, and you know that I kinda live here now, right?" she says smiling and wiping the sleep out of her eyes as she sits up and stretches, the sheets falling from her body to leave her sitting up topless in my bed.

I have no words at the moment. I have no idea what is happening.

"Would you please put a shirt on immediately, please just cover yourself up and explain to me how exactly you ended up in my bed. The last thing I recall was Emma…" I start to say and see hurt flash in her eyes.

That definitely makes her jump up and out of bed, as she rummages through one of my drawers and pulls on a t-shirt, and some skimpy shorts and I know I do not own.

"Please, Ruby I'm sorry I am just feeling very confused. Can you tell me what happened?" I ask her more gently this time as I see a distressed look crossing her face.

She then slowly comes up to me and gently caresses my cheek.

It feels wrong but I know if I pull away that she may run, may not tell me what's happening and she really is the only friend I have.

Looking deep into my eyes, "I'm sorry Gina, I know it still hurts, and you aren't the only one who lost her, but I thought that you and I… well I thought that we were working together to get passed it." she tells me, her hand still on my cheek.

I don't say a word as I walk over to the bed and sit down. It's all so confusing. Did I wake up in yet another alternate universe? Has this all been one big nightmare?

"What year is it?" I ask her and she gives me a confused look, but answers anyway.

"It's 2015." She says, but does not elaborate more than that.

I just nod at her and try to gather my bearings.

It seems I am back in real time, but it doesn't make sense why I would have ever woken up so intimately with her like that, even with Emma being the dark one.

She comes over and sits next to me, covering my hand with her own.

"Look, I am not sure what you dreamt last night because it seems like you woke up a different person, but we will get through this. We have been through so much, and you know that I am not going anywhere." She says, then pulling my face up to look at her again she says, "I love you okay?" She tells me as she takes my hand in hers and laces our fingers together.

It feels wrong, all wrong, and I just want to go back to sleep.

"I know I may seem a bit… off, but I just need you to help me figure some thing out Ruby. You have become such an important friend to me, and I trust that you will be honest with me, even brutally so if necessary." I tell her searching.

"Friend? Um… okay. Yah what do you want to know?" she asks me.

"How did you and I… well…" I say gesturing to the bed and grimacing because I cannot control my expression, and again I see the hurt in her eyes and immediately feel guilty for it.

Whatever happened between us obviously means something to her, but I cannot fake, I will not fake it again.

"Regina... wow. Okay. I will try not to be offended but you act like this was some cheap one night stand, we've been together for over a year now, and we have been friends for much longer than that." She says, tears springing to her eyes.

A year? What the hell is going on here? Is this the twilight zone?

"What happened to Emma? Is she still the Dark One? And Henry, is he alright?" I ask her because I just need answers.

"Henry's fine, he's asleep ofcourse, you know teenagers…" she says smiling a bit at that and looks away.

This is when I finally initiate contact with her as I bring my hand to her chin and bring her eyes to me.

"And Emma? What of Emma?" I ask her pleadingly.

"Oh Regina, why are you doing this to yourself? Still after all this time. Just stop please, haven't we been through enough. To open up those wounds that will never fully heal? You think I don't know that she was your destiny; your one true love? We have already discussed it and I know you will never love me as you loved her." She says but I cannot hear that… I do not want to.

"How do you know about that?" I ask once I realize what she just said.

"About what? Regina, please hun just get back in bed and I'll get you those pills that Dr. Hopper prescribed, and then I'll go down an make us some breakfast, and Henry will be getting up soon anyway." She says as she goes back to the head of the bed and starts pulling down the sheets, and fluffing my pillow.

As she heads to my bathroom to grab the pills I leave the room and head straight into Henry's room.

He's still a big jumble under the covers, so I don't hesitate in throwing them off of him, "Henry what is happening?" I ask him.

"What the hell?" He shouts before pulling the sheets back over himself, but not before I notice that his hair is buzzed very short and just looks different.

"Excuse me young man? You will get up this instant, I need to… I just need to see you Henry, please." I say losing my anger and just feeling so lost.

He must hear the desperation in my voice because he pops his head up over the comforter and looks at me.

"Sorry… uhhh.. . What is it mom?" He asks, his voice sounding rougher than I remember.

I take a step towards the head of his bed and sit down, running my hand over his now almost bare scalp. And as I finally look at his face I see worry lines that I never noticed before, I see hollowness in his eyes.

"Mom, whats going on?" He asks, sitting up higher and bringing up his hands to rub his eyes, and that's when I see it.

I cannot hold back my deep intake of breath as I see scar marks on his wrists, on his perfect skin.

This makes him look to me again, and when he notices where I'm looking he pulls away ashamed, quickly putting his hands under the sheets again.

I try to calm myself as I continue to look as his face and see his lip tremble slightly. What did he do? How could he do this to himself, to us? Please just let this be some sick deluded nightmare.

I don't say anything as I slowly and shakily pull his hands from under the sheets and gently trace the jagged scars that cover both of his wrists as my eyes blur with the tears that are surely coming down my face.

Where am I? What the hell happened to us?

I try to take a deep breath but there is a huge weight on my chest, and I feel like I can't breathe.

I look up and see Henry's eyes are misty as well, but he won't look into my eyes, and I can see him grinding his teeth.

"Why?" I sob, not able to get the word out.

This surprises him as he shoots me a look, as to say 'you know exactly why' and it only further confuses me.

Then anger shoots through him and he's pushing me back, tears in his eyes.

"Really mom?" he yells and starts pacing the room. "Are we going to do this again? You know why okay! And I promised to never try again, but how can we move past it if you still look at me like that, like you are disgusted with me. Like you can't understand how I could do such a thing. After everything I just.. I just want to forget it all." he yells, falling to his knees as he tries to take a deep breath that won't come, and I know how he feels.

I'm off the bed and beside him in a heartbeat as I bring him into my arms again, even though he is bigger than me now, even feeling more muscular than I ever remember him; he's not the same person, this almost man. He no longer looks like a boy to me, even as I cradle him in my arms.

"Oh no Henry, I'm not disgusted with you honey, I would never…" I tell him as I stroke his back.

I feel him nod his head, his face still buried in my chest and I just fall back a bit, leaning back into the side of the bed to better accommodate this large body half on mine.

As I look down at him I wonder what brought us to this point in our lives. Would we ever be happy? Would we always have some part of us be broken?

"It's okay, shhh… it's gonna be okay. I just… " I start to say a little while later.. but I do not know how to even ask him.

"No, it's not okay mom, it will never be okay." He mumbles into my shirt, so I pull back from him and start to wipe his tears.

"And I'm not the only one mom, I know you don't like to talk about it, but I almost lost you both. Don't act like it's not true. I saw, I was there too remember. And after… after when we found you unconscious… I know what you were trying to do." He says to me, and it's as if I am remembering as he tells me.

Suddenly it's too much to handle. There are flashes in my mind, like the memories are just starting to flood back into my mind. And I yell out as my head hurts too much to keep my eyes open, but as I close them more and more images come flooding in, I can feel myself shaking, convulsing really as it all hits me.

"Mom! What's wrong? Are you okay?" I hear him yell at me but I cannot open my eyes. It's all too much and I feel like I am falling.

I feel him leave my body but I cannot pull him back.

"Ruby! Help please… something's happening to mom." I hear him shout as he runs out of the room.

I struggle to open my eyes, to call out to him, but no voice comes out.

I hear two footsteps run into the room, "Oh no!" I hear Ruby yell and come towards me.

I feel a soothing hand on my arms, shoulders and on my head. I hear hushed words telling me it will all be okay.

Then I feel strong hands lift me up, holding me close and we are moving.

I finally stop shaking, but I still feel strange as I finally pry my eyes open as I am being put on my bed gently.

It was Henry who carried me, and as I look up at him I see the worry etched in his eyes and I lift my hand to his cheek.

I take a deep breath.

I see Ruby run in after him with a bottle of water and some medicine.

"Please Gina, just take these, they should help with the anxiety and Henry and I will head down and make you something to eat. Do you need anything else?" she asks, and I can see the obvious love and concern not only in her voice but in her eyes.

It startles me to hear it directed towards me, but I do trust her so I take the pills and swallow them down, and nod to both of them.

Henry doesn't move though, so I take his hand and kiss it, "Its okay now dear, I think its just a headache. I will try to rest for a bit okay?" I ask him.

"Okay, but I'm just downstairs… and uhh… I don't think I'll go to school today if that's okay with you. I don't want to leave you…" he says, and I can tell he's scared so I just nod again and they leave the room.

But before they get all the way out I call out, "Ruby" and as she turns I give her a tight lipped smile.

"Thank you… for all of this…" I say, not really knowing what to say exactly.

"Of course." She says as she smiles and walks out with her arm around Henry.

Once they are out I grimace as the pain is still searing through me.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck; my body tired and aching.

Then I close my eyes again and allow the images back in, but this time I welcome it instead of fighting it and feel my body start to relax.

I let out a long breath as I think of Emma again, and where she might be, and how she could let this happen to Henry.

I think back to our time together, our kiss, our declarations of love in this very bedroom, and as I open my eyes it's like I'm being transported there again.

...

 _I see us making breakfast, and playing with little Henry who is so excited that we shared true loves kiss. How he figured that one out I am not sure, but he's so happy, until we get a knock at the door._

 _..._

 _Then in another flash I am suddenly in a town hall meeting, being held by Snow and Charming and all the towns people are there._

 _They are yelling and threatening me, and I feel scared until I see that Emma is with me this time._

 _I am not alone, and although Snow and Charming are against us, I am not afraid because she is there and I know in my heart she will not let anything happen to us._

 _Henry is also with us, and I hold him tightly to myself as we face the rest of the town._

 _..._

 _Now I am in a jail cell as Rumple comes up to me and curses me with the wraith. This feels all too familiar, and I am utterly alone._

 _I sit for what seems like hours until I hear yelling and turn to see Emma storm into the station._

 _I reach for her through the bars._

 _"_ _I cannot believe you two, how could you?" Emma is yelling at them, and then she's grabbing the keys from the desk and approaching me, but Charming snatches it away blocking her._

 _"_ _Emma listen to yourself. Honey we are trying to help you. She needs to be locked up, after everything she's done to us and our people…" Snow is saying, a bow and arrow attached to her back._

 _"_ _Oh yes, you and your people. Did she fucking force you to abandon your baby? No! You two made that decision on your own… you could have chosen to keep me!" she yells, tears springing to her eyes._

 _"_ _Emma, please try to think about what you are saying. This woman has tormented our family, she cursed an entire group of people. How could you love her?" Charming asks, his voice so hurt at the thought._

 _"_ _Emma we will not stand for this. We love you honey. You must be under some sort of spell. We know you couldn't be like this otherwise." Snow cuts in, bringing her hand Emma's face, and even from the cell I can see nothing but love in Snow's eyes._

 _I pull back away then, and feel the guilt rise in me._

 _"_ _She's right." I say softly as I sit on the cot at the back of the cell._

 _"_ _What?" Charming barks at me, ready to attack even with me trapped in a cell._

 _"_ _I said she's right. Snow…" I say looking up and seeing all three of them staring at me in shock._

 _"_ _What do you mean? Regina, just stop talking, these people are all crazy, they will murder if you say things like that." Emma warns me, coming closer to the bars._

 _"_ _No Emma, your parents are right. I fought for so long, but I cannot fight anymore. You are more important to me than anything but Henry, but this… you fighting against each other because of me. I just… I just cannot be the reason that you never reunite with your parents." I tell them, and see shock in Snow's eyes._

 _"_ _Don't listen to her Snow… you always had a soft spot, but she's just playing into your soft side." Charming says and then pulls Snow to him. "Remember, she's done it in the past?" he asks her and she nods, but looks back towards me, unsure of herself._

 _"_ _Believe what you will, but I do not want to fight anymore. I just…" I look down, because although I have grown to love the Charmings, I know that they do not trust me yet, but I also know I have to put myself out there._

 _"_ _I just want to be happy and free. It's all I've ever wanted, you know that more than anyone Snow." I tell them as sincerely as I can, mist covering my eyes._

 _I see Charming look away first, clearly surprised by what I just said._

 _"_ _But after everything you've done… how could you think we could just forgive you?" Snow says, pushing out of Charming's grasp as she comes to the front of the cell._

 _"_ _Because that's what you do when you love someone." I tell them, and am a little surprised that I said it so strongly, unwaveringly._

 _I hear three gasps as I finished my statement and I see love bursting in Emma's eyes as she gives me a small smile and then turns towards her parents._

 _"_ _Regina is right, and I think that I would be willing to try with you both… try and forgive you if you can try to forgive Regina…" she says, and then takes the keys from Charming and opens the cell door, but instead of helping me out of it, she just enters the cell and closes it and tosses the keys on the desk._

 _I look to her confused, but she just pulls me up and into a tight hug, breathing me in and cradling my head in her hands._

 _I bury my head in the side of her neck and inhale as well and it smells like home to me, so I kiss her there and pull back as she kisses me briefly but sweetly and then leads us to the cot to sit, never letting go of me as she does._

 _Then she looks up to her parents defiantly, "The choice is yours, but if you lock her up, then you lock me up too, and I've already spoken to Ruby and she is watching Henry so we have time." She tells them and then looks to me._

 _I just remain silent and fill with pride that she has chosen me above her parents, who she searched her whole life for._

 _As we wait for their response, the wraith appears and attacks us._

 _..._

 _Next I see us after we defeat the wraith._

 _We are home and enjoying dinner with Henry, and the Charming's surprisingly, even Red is there._

 _After a long evening we say good night to everyone, including Henry who is spending the night with his grandparents._

 _And then I am transporting a clearly shy Emma to my bedroom, our bedroom and we finally consummate our love for one another._

 _In the throes of passion I pledge my love, myself, my life to her and promise to only be hers for now until eternity._

 _Never had I ever felt so safe, and so loved as I had that night, the first of many nights that we made love until the early morning hours._

 _It was to be our happy ending, and even with the towns people still not fully trusting me, I knew that in time the wounds would heal, I knew that all things were possible if I was able to come back, to get a second chance at love like this._

 _And as I fell asleep that first night, I knew that whatever had happened in my life, all the pain, all the suffering; it was worth it if it led me to this beautiful blond laying next to her._

 _..._

More and more memories flooded my mind as I lay there in my room, and although I could hear Henry and Ruby downstairs, I couldn't move, I wanted to stay there and relive all of them with my love… because I couldn't figure out where she was, why she had left us

I saw Henry growing up and loved how my friendship with Ruby had blossomed, and even my relationship with the Charming's was better than ever.

As time progressed I had somehow forgotten about the other reality as my time with Emma and Henry became my new reality, and we didn't have to worry about Cora or Hook because we were together. Henry never took that trip to Neverland, and as far as I know, we were happy together.

That is until the next memory appeared in my mind.

...

 _We are walking hand in hand down the main street to Granny's to meet Henry and Red for an early dinner._

 _I am telling Emma about my day and how I hated dealing with Rumple on a daily basis, but glad that he had backed off since he and Belle had gotten together._

 _She was playing with my fingers and we nodded to Mr. Hopper as he walked passed us with Pongo on a leash._

 _I was lost in the sensation of her hands holding mine, still after all this time it felt amazing to have her openly loving me in public._

 _She was telling me about how she and Graham had signed up to teach a self-defense class with the community center, and that I should probably come to it._

 _"_ _Really Emma? I think that I can get by just fine with my magic." I tell her, nudging her a bit playfully._

 _"_ _No, I know you can, but I mean what if somehow you lose your magic or something. I just want to make sure you can handle yourself." She says, stopping to look at me seriously, her eyebrows bunching up in that determined look._

 _"_ _Oh dear, well that's what I have you for, my strong and tall savior." I tell her as I grab her arm and lean into her, slowly reaching up to kiss her cheek._

 _I see her cheeks tint pink._

 _"_ _Uhh.. well.." she coughs, "I do my best Ma'am" she says in a manly voice and pulls down her invisible hat to me._

 _This just makes me laugh as she wraps her hand around my body pulling me further into her as we cross the street towards Granny's and wave to Henry who is already seated outside._

 _But before we finish crossing the road I hear metal crashing into metal and turn to see a car headed straight towards us, but then I am being pushed out of the way by Emma, and as I am about to hit the ground I see Emma get hit by the car that is out of control and scream as I hit the ground and am knocked unconscious._

 _The next time I awake it is to chaos in the hospital._

 _I can hear people yelling, and hear feet screeching all over the place._

 _I slowly sit up and try to get my bearings, but what I am met with is a horrific scene._

 _Blood, there's so much blood on the floor, and then I look up and see multiple gurneys in the room with people in them, and nurses and staff attending to them._

 _"_ _Emma…" I try to yell but my voice will not come._

 _I quickly climb out of the bed and start going to each body, but I cannot find her._

 _I feel my magic going haywire, as lights above the patients are blowing out._

 _I need to find her, I cant feel her, I feel hollow, something is severely wrong._

 _"_ _Emma!" I yell louder this time, and the glasses shatter in the room._

 _This gets everyone's attention as they all stop and then they are all staring at me, scared out of their mind, and I make it to the last bed, hidden behind a curtain._

 _They all back away from me, and I see the sorrow in their eyes._

 _As I pull the curtain I see Charming holding Snow who is half standing half kneeling in front of the bed._

 _"_ _Mom!" I hear a scream so horse and turn to my right to see Henry barreling towards me._

 _"_ _Henry… what…" I say, still not able to comprehend, until I see her hand hanging off the side of the bed, that hand I was cradling just hours before, that hand that made me whole, and my body collapses._

 _"_ _Noo…." I scream as I drag my body towards the gurney in front of me, dragging Henry with me._

 _And as I reach that hand and touch it I feel the coldness from her lifeless body spread through me as I let out an ethereal scream, as everything fades to black again._

 _..._

I sit up straight in bed in my room and let out the same scream as I awaken from the memory.

* * *

 **A/N: Although this chapter contained some Red Queen, this is still and always will be a Swan Queen story. Don't give up on them yet!**


	28. Author's Note 92315

**A/N:** This is most definitely still a Swan Queen story.

After posting the last chapter I realized that many of you may be confused, but I did not want to spoil the chapter by posting that it contained some Red Queen. (I will be adding a note at the end of the chapter)

As other chapters have contained some Captain Swan, and Outlaw Queen... there may be other ships in this story because I wanted to stick to how I believe each scenario might play out, and so this is the only way I feel I can do so.

But ultimately this has always been Regina's journey to finding happiness, and no matter what alternate universe/reality she is in, it is Emma.

Please stick with me, as I already have some future chapters shaping up quite nicely… and thanks for all of your passionate responses, it shows me that you feel strongly about my story and its characters which is an awesome feeling!


	29. Chapter 27

A/N: I know it's been a weird, crazy and sometimes confusing rollercoaster but I thank you all for sticking with me through it all. There will be answers to some of the questions I have been receiving in the upcoming chapter.

Also someone had asked if Dark Swan was still in this story and all I can say is YES!

I hope you all enjoy, and as always your reviews mean the world to me

** _Italics_ are memories**

* * *

Chapter 27

I don't know how long I yell before I see that the lights in the room are flickering, and the windows are rattling.

All I feel is rage; all I want to do is hurt someone, anyone who dares to come near me. I want to crush someone's heart the way mine has been crushed time and time again.

How does this keep happening to me? How does this keep happening to her? To us?

"Emma!" I yell again as I remember touching her lifeless body. I cannot take it, this cannot be real.

I lie back down and close my eyes, as I feel my body shaking with a fury that I haven't felt in a long time, but the memories keep on flooding in.

…

 _I'm standing with a broken Henry as they are lowering her casket._

 _Snow beside us sobbing on her knees with Charming, and as I hear the thud of the casket hit the bottom of the grave my knees also buckle and I fall to the ground._

 _No longer able to be strong for Henry, or to hide my misery from the townspeople who are all gathering around us, I let out a loud wail, crumbling into the ground._

 _We remain there after the others have left, after our bodies have no more tears left, after the sun is even starting to set, we remain there by what remains of her._

 _I feel strong hands from behind, rubbing circles on my back, and pulling Henry to them._

 _I don't need to look back to know who it is because she has been there since I woke up in the hospital._

 _But I cannot think about anyone else right now, I cannot even think of Henry._

 _All I feel is emptiness;, all I want to do is die._

 _…_

"Mom!" I hear him yelling, but I cannot be pulled from the memories that keep on coming.

I feel them shake my body, trying to bring me back, but I am lost to them right now, I couldn't pull myself from this hell even if I wanted to.

…

 _I am in my bathroom staring blankly at her toothbrush that sits next to mine._

 _Then I look at my reflection and I see my ghastly figure but I do not care._

 _I leave the room and go back to bed._

 _Henry is already there, on Emma's side, sleeping._

 _He hasn't slept alone since we left the hospital because he is afraid that he will lose me too if he cannot physically see me._

 _I swallow back the bile rising again as I see one of her socks poking out from under the bed; she had always discarded her clothes in the same manner every night. Just tossing them around before she jumped into our bed, sniggled up to me and although I feigned anger, I loved it._

 _I just get back into bed, look at the food that has been left untouched on the nightstand and snuggle up behind Henry and try to sleep._

 _…_

 _I am trying to open the bathroom door in the middle of the night but it is locked._

 _I know Henry is in there because he's not in bed._

 _"Henry, honey, are you alright?" I ask knocking again._

 _I hear nothing but silence so I go back to the bed and wait for him, but after a few moments I hear a small yelp and then a thud._

 _I run back to the door, pounding on it this time._

 _"Henry… open this door!" I say louder, checking the lock again and not hesitating to open it with a loud bang as I use my magic._

 _I see him then, on the floor covered in blood._

 _…_

I feel a burst of water; I feel like I'm drowning as I swallow water and push myself up gasping for air.

As I look around me I see that I am in my bathtub.

I lean out of the tub coughing and gasping and feel a towel put around my shoulder and someone hitting my back gently as I begin to step out of the tub and turn to see Henry staring at me as Ruby starts to dry my body.

I look down immediately and sigh that I am still clothed, but it is clinging to me very uncomfortably.

I cough some more, unable to speak as my throat feels very rough, so I turn to Red, and that's when I notice the large oversized terrycloth robe draped over her arm.

I look back to Henry, shivering now, as to ask him to leave.

Wordlessly Henry excuses himself from the bathroom, "I'll be right outside okay?" he says to no one in particular as he closes the door.

I am still confused as to why I was just submerged I icy cold water, but this is all just too overwhelming at this point. I still cannot get the image of Henry lying bloody on the floor, so I push it down. He's okay now; my boy for the most part is okay for now.

I look down at the water on the floor and realize that they must have carried me in here and submerged me rather quickly as the floor is drenched.

As though she can read my mind, Ruby grabs another towel from my counter and puts it on the floor below my feet, and I grab her shoulder as I stand on one foot at a time until it is completely underneath me.

I keep my hands on her shoulders because I don't think I would be able to completely stand on my own right now.

I feel myself warm slightly with the now dry surface below me and exhale, closing my eyes for a moment.

I realize that she has stopped drying me so I open my eyes to catch her staring at me closely.

She brings her hand to my cheek and I flinch at the initial contact and see her pretend not to notice.

She moves her hand away quickly swallowing and brings the towel to my face, gently wiping whatever water drops remain.

I feel numb, and although I don't want to let her see me this way I don't try to fight her when she slowly removes my wet clothes.

She keeps her eyes on my face for the most part, and I am surprised at how comfortable I feel with her like this despite it being such bad timing, I cannot help but recognize how good she is to me.

I also cannot forget how good she was to both Emma and I from what I gathered from the memories. She stuck by us when the whole town was against us, even taking our side over her closest friend Snow.

She takes her time wiping me down, and then brings the robe around my body, tying it in the front and then pulls away from me.

It's as though we are able to communicate completely nonverbally as she first looks to me to make sure I can stand on my own before she pulls back and quickly wipes down the floor around me and releases the water in the tub.

I see how comfortable she is in here and realize that she must have done this before, must feel at home here.

But I do not feel at home here.

How could I continue walking into this bathroom day after day with the image of my son lying in a pool of his own blood?

How could I ever let another woman touch me after… after Emma?

It brings a yelp out of me at the thought, which startles both Ruby and I.

She comes back to me quickly, and Henry instantly opens the door and comes towards me.

"Mom, I know you are going through something right now, but please just come downstairs with us, you need to eat something and we need to talk." He says to me pleadingly, and I can see the strain I am putting on him so I just nod as they lead me down the stairs and into the kitchen.

…

We all ate in silence, and I just couldn't get my mind around what exactly is happening.

The silence was thick and none of us made any eye contact as we finished off everything and Ruby gathered the dishes while Henry took our cups to the sink and then came back and sat down.

More minutes passed with us just sitting there before I finally spoke up.

"Why… what would possess you both to throw me into a freezing cold bathtub?" I ask, my hand shaking with the anger I felt inside, as I tried my best not to direct it at them.

"I.. " I continue before they even have a chance to speak.

"I am trying to remain calm, but I need some answers and you both need to be honest with me. This is not a time to beat around the bush…. I need to understand what the hell is going on here." I bark out the last part still trying to keep some sort of control over my emotions that are clearly all over the place.

"Mom, we heard you scream so we ran upstairs and when we tried to talk to you … you wouldn't listen to us. I don't even think you knew we were there. You just kept on saying…" He stops then and looks down.

"What Henry? Please just tell me." I tell him, and reach out for his hand, for some sort of lifeline before I lose it again.

"You were saying her name okay? You haven't said her name in years mom, you could never say it, and now you were yelling it." he says, yelling back at me and I don't understand his anger.

"You told me that it would be better to never utter her name again, because it hurt too much. But you were screaming it, so we tried to help you. Ruby grabbed you to try and stop you from thrashing around and you threw her into the wall. You were out of control mom, your magic was out of control and we were scared for you." He says out of breath, and Ruby rubs his shoulder comfortingly and he leans into the touch.

That makes me recoil from him, dropping his hand completely.

Can I not even console my own son properly anymore?

I felt pathetic, but I needed them to continue.

"Ruby?" I ask her knowing that I would just upset Henry more if I asked more of him.

"Gina, you were thrashing, and Henry put a steadying hand on your face and you were burning up so we called Mother Superior and she told us, reluctantly, that your magic is controlled by your emotions, and the only way to calm you down would be to counteract your body overheating." She said, her eyes not wavering from mine.

"It was the only thing we could think of. Honest, we were desperate and just wanted to help you." She finished with an unsure look, almost scared of my reaction.

I remain silent for a while as I take them both in.

I understand that they were just trying to help me, really I do, but I still cannot control the anger inside.

I look down at my hands again, still shaking and try to calm myself; taking a deep breath in and out.

"I… thank you… both. I am not angry with you, and it seemed to work for the time being so… just thank you for doing what you had to do." I tell them, trying to control my emotions.

"You don't have to thank us mom, just help us understand what is happening to you." He says, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Oh honey, if I tell you I need you both to try your best and hear me out okay? It is going to sound insane, but I cannot lie to you anymore, I cannot keep this inside any longer." I tell them.

They just both nod, and scoot closer to me.

I need to tell them because I will not live like this. I refuse to.

There has to be a way to fix all of this, because I need Emma, I need my family to be whole in a way that I never understood until I had it ripped away.

I refuse to live my life as I did before she came into it, to just think that this is as good as it will ever get, and I am going to need their help to get it back.

I could never go back now that I know what love really is.

…

We moved to the living room and all sat together as I finally told them everything.

I told them about how our lives were before, and I told them about Zelena and Robin. I told them about how Emma and I had fought, and I told them about her becoming the Dark One.

That was a hard one for Henry to handle, especially because of how much he idolized Emma, and also because to him she was the absolute epitome of everything good.

I had felt guilty because she had done it for me, which I told them, and I thought he would be upset with me, but he just came and brought me into a hug and told me that he didn't blame me; that he knew how stubborn both of his mothers were. That actually brought a bitter chuckle out of me because he was so right. It was why we had always fought.

As the hours pass Ruby occasionally would get up to reheat some food, or make another pot of coffee.

But for the most part we sat there and as I told them, I can see their emotions matched in my own as I recount Emma and I confessing our love for one another; how I never knew where I was going to wake up.

Henry had a lot of questions about Dark Emma, but I never told him about how she attacked me; never wanting him to see her in that way.

Ruby also cried a lot, and I do not know if it was because she finally understood that I would never love her the way she loved me, or if it was because I couldn't remember my time with her.

Lastly I told them about how I woke up here today, and as I said it, they began to understand fully just how utterly messed up things are. Ruby understood why I had reacted to her that way, and Henry too looked a little relieved that it was because I was going crazy, although I have to admit that I myself think I may be going out of my mind after sharing all of the events with them.

After all of that we just sit in silence.

We sit for atleast 30 minutes, no one really knowing exactly what to say to one another.

I felt naked sitting there with them, everything laid out bare for them to take apart.

Never had I been so utterly open about my feelings and how I was being affected by everything.

Henry was the first one to break the silence as he moved from the couch across me to beside me.

"Mom can you remember what happened right before you went to the other reality the first time?" he asks me.

I think back to the first time, and it had happened right after Emma had become the Dark One.

"Yes, it was right after your mother had become the Dark One… I remember thinking about how I was going to tell you what had happened, and then I must have blacked out because the next thing I knew I was back in my office, in the past. Why?" I ask him, but even as I am speaking I can see the gears turning in his mind.

"Well you said you passed out right? Maybe that's it, maybe that's why you were having those dreams." He says, getting up and pacing.

"Yes dear, but I had them when I was sleeping regularly too." I tell him, not exactly sure where he was going with this.

"No, Henry's right Regina. You said that you were trapped in that other world when you were in a coma here, as Blue tried to get that darkness still swirling in you… so maybe that's it." she says, smiling proudly at herself.

"What? You suggest I try a sleeping curse of some kind?" I ask them.

"No Mom, but you also said you would get really bad headaches, or pass out from exhaustion. So maybe you need to be in a deep sleep in order to go back." He says, so proud of himself, and actually showing more hope than he had since I woke up in this nightmare.

"Yes, both of you are right, but…. What would that accomplish? It seems as though this is all a result of Emma and I breaking the curse. I don't know what I could possibly change now." I tell them, feeling exhausted again from all of this strain on my system.

I just felt emotional drained and didn't know how much more I could take.

Henry excuses himself to the restroom, and I just remain seated.

This time it's Ruby who comes up to me, who takes my face in her hands, and as I look up I see tears in her eyes.

"Regina, I love you, you know that. But this… who we are now. It's not right, it's not who any of us were meant to be. And after hearing all that you've been through I just feel that we need to at least try. If not for you, then do it for Henry." She says so sincerely.

I pull back, taking her hands in mine, "But you know that it means that you and I would never be together. You understand that right?" I ask her in a hushed tone, not understanding how she could be so selfless.

"I have always only wanted what was best for you. I think I've always loved you, but I also know that you and Emma were happy together, and I would never interfere with that." She says to me and I just blink back the tears as I pull her into a hug.

"Thank you… for more than you could ever know Ruby, I mean it. I don't know what I would have done…" I tell her as Henry comes back in the room.

We both pull back and I can see her wiping tears from her eyes as she stands and walks over to Henry.

He pulls her into a hug, and then comes and sits next to me.

"I think it's time to bring back Operation Mongoose." He says to me smirking as I take a deep breath and smile at him.

For the first time in a long time I have hope.

* * *

A/N: Although this chapter contains some Red Queen, this is still a Swan Queen story.


	30. Chapter 28

_Update today 10/13/15_ \- Please make sure to check out the Author's Note at the end of the chapter.

This concludes this part of the story, please check out Part 2 under my stories. Thank you!

* * *

Chapter 28

We decide to get an early night's sleep since it had been quite a stressful day.

I know it felt silly to do, but I still insisted on tucking Henry into bed, and I think he needed it as well because he didn't even fight it.

I sat on his bed for a while just looking around at how different his room was in this reality.

All of his childhood books and toys, even some gadgets had been taken down. The room felt a lot barer now, with his desk only holding some school books and a small laptop computer.

The walls had been painted a darker color then I would have liked, but I guess a lot had changed.

There were some posters of rock groups I hadn't heard of, and there seemed to also be some unfinished projects lying around.

I was sad to know that the boy I knew was mostly gone now, he had lost one too many people in life to stay that ever hopeful kid.

But as I kissed his forehead, and whispered 'good night' I saw a little sparkle in his eyes as he smiled at me. I'm guessing the other me may not have done this in quite some time.

"Mom we will find a way, I promise." He says lowly as I'm getting off of his bed.

I turn and look at him and try to smile.

"Henry, I know we will try, but please just don't get your hopes too high." I tell him out of fear of letting him down yet again.

"I know Mom, but the thing is…." He says sitting up for a moment, "I knew something was off." He says to me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, coming closer to him again.

"I just knew that this couldn't be our life. I mean, I don't remember all of what you told us today, but as you were telling us things I began to remember." He says and I just nod at him to continue.

"We didn't go through all that, you mom, you didn't go through all of that to just end up here with nothing." He says with determination and a little bit of fascination in his voice.

"Oh honey, I have you and you will always matter most to me." I tell him and I go back to the bed and sit very close to him.

What kind of mother was I to make him believe that?

"I know, but I still think that you deserve to be happy mom, and so do it. And it will only happen if we are together as a family with Emma. I've missed her so much, but I've missed you too, because I know you try to be happy and fine for me, but I know you are just so sad all the time." He says looking into my eyes, but it feels as though he's looking into my soul.

I stay quiet and just continue to look at my son, and how I will always be proud of him, no matter what reality I am in.

"I think you should try to take some of those pills tonight mom, you know the ones that help you sleep." He says.

"Henry, I don't know if that's a good idea." I tell him.

"No, you might not know this, but I know you take them, and they seem to help. But what I mean is maybe take a few extra tonight. Maybe you will be able to finally get back there…" He says hopefully.

"I don't know if there is anything to go back to. It seems like so much has changed." I tell him as I touch his hand again, and then get up and walk to the door.

"Sleep well dear, I love you so much Henry." I tell him as I turn off the light.

"I love you too mom." he says turning and then closing his eyes.

…

Once I get back to my room I see that Ruby has a large bag on the bed and she is packing.

I exhale loudly as I make my way to the other side of the room and look at myself in the mirror.

I don't even feel like myself, and I noticed that my hair is even longer than I've ever left it before.

So many things changed that I never noticed.

I don't know what to say to her. I feel bad that she has to uproot her life, a life that she seemed happy about this morning, until I ruined it yet again.

I try to pretend I'm busy at my vanity, but I see her looking at me in the reflection and her eyes are red.

"Oh Ruby, I am so sorry." I tell her as I whip around and begin to approach her.

"No… No its okay. I honestly don't even know why I'm crying, I mean I knew that one day the other shoe would drop..." She says, her shoulders shaking more as the tears start flowing down her face.

I'm caught between wanting to console her and awkwardly just standing and watching her.

"I… " I close my mouth, because what can I really say? I know now that had been there for me in my hardest times.

"I don't blame you, you know. I just thought that I could make you happy, that we could one day make each other happy." She says, looking down for a bit while wiping her face.

"Oh dear, I am sure you could have, but you see I could never be all that you need. You are an amazing person Ruby; do not think it's your fault." I tell her as I slowly approach her.

"I am trying to be better Regina, but part of me hates Emma sometimes for getting to you first." She says laughing to herself coming closer to me and cupping my face.

"How did I not see how amazing you were sooner? Maybe I could have helped you raise Henry, and you could have loved me. Even after the curse broke, I couldn't really stay angry at you, not once I realized how much you went through in your life. And it only made my love for you grow." She says smiling at me.

I pull back and out of her grasp.

"I often wish things had been different for me as well. So many years after Daniel died all I wanted to do was go back and change things. But then I think of Henry and how I wouldn't trade knowing him and loving him." I tell her. "So you see it was not meant to happen." I tell her gently.

"I know. I just wish.." she doesn't finish her statement, she just zips up her bag and moves it closer to the door.

"I am sorry Ruby, you could never know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me. You have been a great friend to me, and I want you to know that I value that so much." I tell her as I walk up to her.

"If tomorrow I awaken still here then I hope you know that I want us to remain friends and I hope that you do too." I tell her hoping she will agree.

"I'm sorry Regina, but I am going to need some time. I am going to Granny's tonight, but after that I will start looking for my own place and trying to start a new path for myself. I don't know if I can be here anymore, in this town where there is nothing for me." She says looking completely deflated and discouraged.

I hug her then, pulling her in and holding her tight for a few minutes. I feel her shaking a bit in my arms after the first minute but I just hold her tighter.

She eventually slowly pulls out of my embrace but cups my cheeks and looks me in the eye, "I love you, and I just…" she starts to say tearing up again.

It breaks my heart to see her this way so I close the gap between with a chaste kiss and then pull back and wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I know you will find your way Ruby, and if you ever need me I will be here." I tell her as she just smiles at me, but I see her face crumble as she turns as makes her way out of my bedroom and out of the house.

…

After I've changed and I'm in bed I think about Henry and what he said. I wonder what I really have to lose, so I get up and grab the pills he spoke of earlier.

If by some chance these pills knock me out and I can get back to my real time then it will have been worth the risk, right?

But what if I just wake up here again tomorrow, in this hell without her?

I shudder at the thought and quickly put 6 pills in my hand, looking around I see a photo of Emma and I sitting on my vanity. I get up and go to it.

I guess even though I was with Ruby, I never did let go of her.

"I hope to see you again my love" I touch her face and then go back in bed and take the pills.

I lie awake and wait for it to take effect.

I think about my life before Emma came into town and I remember the loneliness.

I never want to go back to that again. I never want to live in a world where Emma doesn't exist.

It's the last thought in my mind as I drift off to sleep.

…

I am still lying in my bedroom when I wake up, but it is not yet morning if the light in the window is any indication.

I sit up and look to my vanity, and that's when I see that the photo is gone.

I breathe a sigh of relief that I am no longer in that hell.

Then I look down and see that I am wearing clothes that I do not recognize.

Panic shoots through me as I quickly jump out of bed and run to the restroom.

Everything in here looks to be the same, but different at the same time.

I quietly walk down the hall towards Henrys room, and as I open the door I see that the bed is empty.

I walk in further and see that his room is back to how it was when he was younger. But I see not pictures in his room either.

Something is definitely off.

I go back to my room to retrieve my phone, but I cannot find it.

Frustrated I go back and sit on my bed, trying to remember Emma's phone number from my memory, but it won't come.

"Dammit!" I shout.

I hear something move in the corner of my room, "Who's there? Show yourself." As I try to conjure up a fireball that doesn't come.

The person doesn't say anything and since my magic doesn't work I need to grab a weapon quickly.

I reach for my nightstand drawer when she finally comes forwards.

"Regina, stop. It's me; please just hear me out okay?" She says walking out of the shadows and closer to the bed.

For a minute I am speechless, but then I realize that it's been her all along. She must have done this and the fury in me grows.

"What the hell Tink? What is happening?" I yell at her.

She just stares at me, too scared to utter a word.

"You better start speaking or so help me…" I say again, growing angrier with every passing moment as I approach her.

"Please… Regina, please can we just sit down. There's so much to be discussed." She says in a very timid and frightened voice.

"No! I cannot believe you! How could you mess with my emotions like this? My life? What have I done to you that would warrant such a backstabbing?" I ask her, my voice rising again as I feel the heat reach my face.

"Just hear me out… please.. I never meant for this…" She continues on, coming closer to me and reaching out to grab my shoulder but I pull away from her and rush down the stairs and away from her.

"Where is Henry, and Emma? I must see them. Tell them this was all some sort of joke, some little fairy's doing…" I tell her over my shoulder, just so anxious to see them.

"Regina you can't!" she yells this time and it stops me mid step.

I turn around to her and see tears streaming down her face.

"What?" I say loudly, already tired of her riddles.

"You cannot see them because they are not here." She says rushing towards me now.

"And where exactly is here?" I say as I wait for her to reach me, because even though I am beyond upset with her, there is still a small amount of trust between us.

"We are between times right now, you are not really here, and I don't know how long I can hold you here… there is so much to discuss, please just let me explain." She says as she finally reaches me and takes my hand.

Suddenly I am too tired to fight. I just want this nightmare to be over so I nod my head and let her lead me to the couch in the livingroom.

Once we are seated I see her trying to figure out what to say, and as my patience runs thin I finally ask.

"What did you do? Why?" I say, and it seems to break her out of her thoughts as she looks over to me.

"I owed you Regina, for we were friends once, and we had gotten close again. And after everything with Robin I was just trying to help." She rushes out, pushing herself further into the couch and turns to face me. I know she is not lying when she looks into my eyes.

"Well we've seen what good that caused you in the past." I say to her, and I know it's a low blow when I see her physically flinch.

"All I ever wanted to do was help you Regina. And this time, I really thought that it would work, I mean I knew as soon as I saw you two together in Neverland." She tells me, and then smirks a little as her enthusiasm shines through even now.

"What do you mean?" I ask, although I have a feeling I know where this is headed.

"You and Emma, once I saw you two, the way you fought to get your son back, when I saw that spark in your eyes I knew that she was the one." She looks down then, at her hands in her lap.

I take her hands, "Why didn't you say anything Tink? Why do all of this instead?" I ask her, almost begging her to explain her actions.

"Really Regina, would you have believed me? You still hated me, or felt guilty about stripping me of my livelihood. I knew you wouldn't listen to me, plus I was pretty upset with you as well." She says looking away again. "I will admit that I wanted nothing to do with helping you, especially all that had happened between us." She said.

"Then what happened?" I ask her because I just don't understand, Neverland was so long ago, had she been holding on for this long knowing that Emma was to be my..

"Honestly I figured that once we got to Storybrook that you two would have figured it out. But then Neal happened, and then Hook. Ugggh Hook was just such a horrible choice, I never thought that would last so long." She admits and I just stay quiet while she continues.

"But then that year went by and you finally met Robin, and things were looking up so I just figured that if you didn't have her then you could atleast have one of your true loves. "

I look away at the mention of Robin because I honestly had not thought about him in so long. If he was truly my soul mate then shouldn't I have missed him more? Felt more?

Something had always felt off with Robin, like I was trying to convince myself of something that just wasn't there.

"Regina, you must know that he wasn't the one for you?" Tink asks me and it's almost as though she can read my mind somehow.

"What?" I don't need to verbalize the rest of my question as she is already answering.

"You two were destined to meet way back, in that Tavern. But when you didn't go in, your life shifted and veered off into another possibility, the one that would one day lead you to Emma." She says to me.

"How do you know that?"

"I felt it, when I finally met him in the diner that day before Zelena arrived. I felt it when I looked at you two. You were looking at him with such hope, but that spark, that love just was not there." she tells me and it makes me feel relief, even though I never admitted it to anyone, let alone myself.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I tell her, hurt that she could let me live in that fantasy.

"We were under attack, and after all that happened with Zelena, you were so dejected and I saw how happy you seemed to be when you believed he was the one. What could I say Regina? Plus it looked like you and Emma were never going to find your way to one another. I just hoped it may work itself out." She tells me this and I realize that she is right, I had been hopeless for so long that when Robin came along and he seemed like a good man I just latched onto the notion that he and I were destined, that I could finally be happy.

"How does this all lead to where we are now? What did you do?" I ask.

"I never meant for this to happen."

"Then how did it happen?" I say loudly, "Help me understand" I say, frustrated.

"I gave you your second chance Regina! After Emma ingested the Dark Curse, I saw you and how broken you were, and you didn't even know that she was the one for you. I had to do something… So I came to you after you had passed out." She tells me, but I can see the fear in her eyes.

"Please Tink, just tell me. I have been going mad trying to figure it out." I plead with her.

"I sent you back to before it all happened. I sent you back so you could see what you hadn't the first time. I thought that if you were able to see what could have been that things would change here for you. But I didn't know it would go wrong Regina. I didn't understand all that was at stake." She continues, "I knew it would take time so I made it so that every time you were under a deep sleep you would return to be able and slowly change things. Which did happen, but something went terribly wrong, and I realize now that I should have always seen It." she says looking at me with tears in her eyes.

"What did you realize?" I ask, scared of the answer.

"That no matter what reality you were in she would always risk her life for you, she would do it with no regard for her own life every single time." She told me and my blood ran cold as I realized that she was absolutely right.

"So what do we do now?" I ask her hoping there is some light at the end of this very long and dark tunnel.

"The rest, I'm afraid, is up to you." She says looking just as broken as I feel and I fear that my journey is only just beginning.

…

End of Part 1

* * *

 _Whew! I know it's been a while since I've updated, but I'd like to thank you all again for sticking with this. When I started writing this story I never imagined it would turn out this way and I have to say that I am happy with it, and I hope you all are as well._

 _I am ending the story here, and have already posted the first chapter of Part 2._

 _I have always said that this was Regina's journey to finding herself, and so I apologize that Emma was not in it as much as I would have liked, but this is not the end, trust me._

 _With that said the next part will contain a lot more of Emma and Regina as well as the rest of the gang!_

 _I hope you enjoyed it!_

 _As always, your reviews are what keep me motivated to keep going with this. And I'd like to send out a special thanks to Firedancer34 for your encouraging words._


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